Forever Learning

I'm still here . . . . . .

2011-03-23T22:51:00.003Z

Long time no post . . . .

Been very busy - reserved a new build apartment 2 weeks ago and get the keys on Friday. Very rushed but had to be as I had until 31st March to take advantage of a government Homebuy Direct Scheme where you get 80% mortgage and the builder/government put up the other 10% each on a 5 year interest free loan.

Really pleased with apartment - 2 bed, through kitchen lounge, balcony overlooking park. Loads to buy now but got most big stuff as currently renting. I'll post some photos when I'm in.

Poker - Built my meagre $100 to $500 but not been playing too much and just when I fancy it.

Been internet dating lols and have had 3 dates in 2 weeks but apparently they don't like you seeing other women. I'm like a kid in a sweet shop atm

Hope everyone is well and happy. Good luck

Jokes -

Wife comes home early and catches Hubby having a wank in the kitchen. She rushes over and gives him the blow job of his life.
Afterwards he says "We haven't had sex for 6 months and suddenly this . . . Why??"
She answers "I only washed the floor this morning. I'd rather clean my teeth than get the fuckin mop out again!!"

Irish newlyweds turn up at their hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks "Do you have reservations?"
Bride says "Well . . . . .I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse!!!"

Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, your fuckin next!!"

Woman goes to the Doctors and says "I'm getting too much discharge".
Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed". He puts on his latex gloves and applies 3 fingers into her vagina.
"How does that feel?" he asks.
"Fucking lovely" she replies "But the discharge is in my ear!"

A New Start . . . . . . . . .

2011-01-07T09:44:00.003Z

Well there goes Xmas and New Year . . . . .
Hope everyone had a good time.

A bit different this year having split with the Mrs so mainly involved plenty of beer and mutual heckling with mates as we tried to pull Women over the festive period.
Went to a Cadbury's over 30's break up party and I swear the Women's tickets had over 50's on them but hay-ho any port in a storm seemed the general motto.

Spent Xmas dinner round the ex's and saw the grandkids etc before having my lad overnight and then on the beer Boxing Day which is always a good laugh but unfortunately with all race meetings cancelled the King George is now next weekend.

Bought my lad a bike for Xmas and he promply took the brakes off ( as they were getting in the way!!!) and then decided to become all inquisitive and take it apart without having a clue how to put it back together.
In short, the fckin thing is now in a cycle shop being put back together as he had lost some bits and pieces (binned them more likely) and I'm going to be £40 lighter when I pick it up later ffs. He can have a jigsaw for his Birthday so he realises how important it is to have all the pieces.

On the poker front I am left with a tiny $100 roll on FT and am going to have to try and build on it as I'm losing interest a bit and can't be arsed to reload if I bust it.

Hope you have a good 2011 -

Jokes -

NASA send an Aston Villa fan and 2 chimps into space. Radio messages were as follows.

NASA to chimp 1 . . . . Optimise life support systems and recalibrate radiation monitoring equipment.

NASA to chimp 2 . . . . Check trajectory and compensate if required using formula (m2-3n)x(5-m3)

NASA to Villa fan . . . . . Feed chimps. Touch Fuck all!!!!!!

I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my Speedo's was upsetting the other swimmers. I pointed out another guy with similar trunks and asked why he was not asked to leave. They replied "Because he hasn't shit himself!!!"

A hunter shoots himself in the dick with his shotgun. Several hours later lying in his hospital bed he is approached by his Doctor who says "The good news is you're going to be okay. The bad news is there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage to your penis so I'm going to have to refer you to my Sister".
The hunter asks "Is she a plastic surgeon?"
"No" replies the Doctor, "She's a flute player. She will teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your face!!".

An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?"
"Thats easy" he said "Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!".

Good luck . . .

Still here . . . . .

2010-11-24T00:38:00.003Z

Well I'm still trying . . . and Christmas is getting more expensive now I've got Grandkids.

Tbh, though people might say I've cocked up, I withdrew $1400 from FT as it just wasn't moving (apart from downhill), left myself $100 and have moved it up to $360 so I think it might have helped not only Xmas but also concentration.

Deposited £30 on WillHill and just came 3rd in a £5 added value for £83 so will try to build on that as well.

Anyway my lad has just taken up poker and has just started a blog asking for advice and as with all kids just thinks his Dad's a muppet.
If you are happy to help him out please leave a comment on BluenoseandSon and if he manages to stop wanking for 5 minutes he might get to read it. I reckon he's already lost his job he professes to have, so providing Amatay doesn't point him towards any sites that make him want to rip his cock off he might try to find another.

Anyways good luck all and thanks in advance for any help and assistance you can give him

Jokes -

Went out last night dressed to kill . . . . . . . . . Beard, sandals, turban and backpack.

Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"

Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!"

Edit - Just read his profile and he likes Michael Buble - Fuck him!!!. H'es not mine.

Busy weekend ahead - SOTV

2010-10-30T02:17:00.003+01:00

Finishing work at 7am, a few hours kip and then out on the lash/pull (anyone know any good lines?? Fucked if I know what I'm doing after 11 years out of the game and relying on my wit, charm and sense of humour after x pints of Stella might not work).
Then home to bed clutching the inevitable bottle of whatever I end up drinking last and go again from half 10 Sunday for the Villa - Blues game. SOTV for those that are wondering stands for Shit On The Villa.
TBH having lost the last 6 games to the Vile I'll settle for a point as it would stop the rot and save alot of earache from the claret and blue half of my mates and I think we have a chance. Aghbonlahor, who has scored 3 goals in 4 games against us, is out. Albrighton, who I rate, is suspended, their Captain, Petrov is injured and they've got Heskey (need I say more).
Here's hoping anyways . . . . .

On the poker front I'm plodding along and the roll is currently at $1.8k but I'm not making much progress as I seem too tight (without a drink) and too aggressive (with a drink) and need to find some MTT with between 100-200 players as opposed to the 90 manners on FT so will probably have to look for a new site to try out.

Only other news is that I'm looking at buying a flat sharpish as I hate renting as it's dead money. I need to get my name taken off the mortgage I had with the ex and she doesn't fancy playing ball at the moment so I'll have to keep trying without putting undue pressure on her. We've sorted out the finances and most of the separation agreement and I want to avoid sniping and arguing if at all possible as that has cost me in the past with regard to seeing my kids and financially when the solicitors get more out of it than you do.

Thats it for now. Hope everyone is winning and . . . . . . . SOTV.

Jokes -

"Give it here"
"No, it's mine"
"Let me have it"
"Its my turn!"
"You had it last"
"Fuck off!!"
"Come on gimme it"
"No way!"
"But it's my go!!!"

. . . . . . .Siamese twins having a wank

Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh & Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash, pulls her knickers down and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse he turns to Louis and says "Your turn".
Louis starts crying.
"Whats wrong?" says Simon.
Louis sobs "My head won't fit in the railings!!"

Still plodding . . . but

2010-10-07T10:22:00.004+01:00

I used to have quite a good win rate at poker as I was playing for fun and it didn't really make much difference financially.
Now I need the bloody $$ I'm break even which is a pain.
TBH now I'm in my flat I'm playing less as opposed to more as I have to do bloody housework (never knew what that was before).
I've realised it's not worth ironing anything as I end up with more creases than when I started and if I'm going to shave my head it's probably best to do it before I clean the bathroom and not 5 minutes after I've finished doing it.
Also working nights puts paid to 7 nights out of every 21.
I still enjoy the game but would really like to win a few $$ a month to take the pressure off with Crimbo and car tax due.
Bankroll at 1.7k as took $500 out to pay for a golf trip.
Came close last night though finishing 23/2027 in a $24 MTT on FT for $145ish when it was just under $10k ftw. Now that would have been nice :).

Hope everyone else is doing okay -

Joke - (3 for the price of one as my blogging is a little sparce at the moment)

The police came to my front door last night, holding a picture of my Wife. They said "Is this your Wife Sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes!". They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident". I said "I know but she has a lovely personality!"

Teacher asks class to put the word contagious in a sentence.
Ron says "The measles are contagious".
Katie says "There is a bug going round and it's contagious"
Little Johnny says "My neighbour's painting his house with a 2 inch brush and Dad says it will take the contagious!!"

Lost my job as a lifeguard yesterday.
Apparently refusing a Muslim entry to the pool whilst tapping the "No bombing" sign isn't the done thing.

Good luck all

Been a while . . . .

2010-09-02T00:42:00.002+01:00

Since I updated but I'll keep it brief . . . . . .

A few things have happened the past couple of months which took slightly greater priority than the blog. . . . .

Split with the Mrs. Its been on the cards for a while as I was blogging on the possibilities of it happening 12 months ago.
Done now though, finances sorted and our Son (Cameron) seems happier now things have settled down and he can stay over at the flat I'm renting while I look for one to buy.

On the positive ( apart from every fucker calling me Grandad) I'm now a Grandad to Ella-Rose who was born in July and should be again in the next fortnight so am more than happy with that as my Son and his Mrs, though young are doing a great job.

Back on shifts from next week so nights here we come.

Just starting to try and concentrate on poker after 2 months of minimal play and all winnings would be handy at the moment which means I'll probably fuck the bank roll up the wall after a night out (Hope not tho its $2k)

Thats about it for now.

Joke -

Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I dont think its in yet"
He replies "Yeah, thats the one!!!"

Good luck

Why are raincoats yellow???? . . . .

2010-06-26T11:06:00.003+01:00

Any more questions???

Praying for a decent result tomorrow so come onnnn England.
Then for Chile to get a miraculous win against Brazil.

Apologies for the lack of a joke. I wiped all my texts in a drunken error.

Pokers shyt. Not played much as concentrating on the footie but up approx $300 for the month.

Gav

WP Mr McDowell . . .

2010-06-21T19:35:00.002+01:00

Pokers not been so clever dropping approx $200 since the last post partially drunk partially sober. However I had a bit of good fortune when I read a BBC Sport golf editors blog and he put up Tim Clark and Graeme McDowell for the US Open. Not large bets but £2 on Betfair @ 76/1 and £1 ew on WillHill @ 66/1. Nobody can accuse me of being the last of the big spenders but nevertheless a nice lil profit though I was knackered at work having stayed up til 2am to watch him see it out.

Not going to mention England's performance in the World Cup as it's been done to death everywhere and a decent result Wednesday will calm things down for a bit and if not . . . . . .

However having backed Chile for a few quid more than what I had on Mr McDowell they look like they should get through but will then have to face either Brazil or Portugal so there is a long long way to go yet and having watched todays game against Switzerland they are going to have to use their heads a bit more if they are going to progress.

Anyways that's enough from me and I hope your all having a decent time.

Gav

Joke -

Paddy says to Mick "I'm being operated on tomorrow".
Mick replies "Oh. What are they going to do?"
Paddy says "Circumcise me!"
Mick says "I had that done when I was a few days old."
Paddy asks "Does it hurt?"
Mick replies "I couldn't walk for a year!!"

Still running good and a free bet . . . . .

2010-06-17T17:38:00.004+01:00

Poker's still going well (approx $550 up for June) playing mainly 90 manners on FT and doing Steps when time is short to move up to the $26 ones as I don't think I'm rolled to play them with $2k. Let me know if you think different. I'm confident I'll never busto playing the $13 ones which makes life easier.

Free bet on 888.com where if you are a new customer and bet up to £20 they refund your first stake if it loses and you can withdraw it straight away rather than have to gamble it 50k times before its eligible.
It's limited to 1000 a day but as far as I can see you can have a flutter on who will win the World Cup and if you lose put the money back in your bank.
I think I'll back the Dutch with mine as I've already had a few quid on Chile.

Hope you're all winning

Gav

Joke -

Give £2 to a hungry African and all they do is buy a fucking trumpet!!!

Thats better . . . .

2010-06-10T22:02:00.004+01:00

Since the last post I've played 4 $13 90 manner knockouts on FT.

Got a 3rd yesterday to almost wipeout the post holiday losses and then . . . .

a 1st tonight. Happy days and up $250 for the month so far.

Joke -

Man gets up to find his wife in the kitchen with one of his socks in the frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came home drunk". She replied.

Puzzled the man walks away thinking "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock!!"

Good luck all

Gav

Back of hols . . . . .

2010-06-08T23:18:00.003+01:00

And donating $$ left, right and centre.
Great fortnight away but I have played prob 10 x $13 90 manners and even though I bubbled one tonight I have been playing shyt and making shtoopid decisions.
Could really do with sorting it out as the funds would be really appreciated but think I need to put that to the back of my mind in order to play properly.

Obv looking forward to the World Cup from Friday and providing Heskey trains on his own we might be okay. Have took advice from Wildcat and backed Chile a while back and the fuckers have gone out in price since the initial tip (certainly not moaning about the tip just my luck with the price) and will also be betting on Spain with a patriotic few quid on England (with a saver that we go out on penalties).

Other than that I have f all to say . . .

Good luck - Gav

Joke

Karma Sutra position number 52 - "The Pirate"
When going at it doggy style, just as you are about to cum, pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you've finished.
When she turns round unleash a blast right in her face to stun and amaze her!
Known as the pirate because she'll put her hand over her eye and say "Aarrghhh!!!"

Weeeee . . . Holidays . . . . .

2010-05-23T13:13:00.003+01:00

Off on hols for a fortnight in a few hours. Must admit I want it to be snowing when I go away to piss people off or at a minimum pissing down but we are in the middle of scorchio at the moment so I can't wind anyone up.
Don't get to see the sea much in Brum (unless global warming gets a move on) so can't wait to get going.

Ended up $350 up for May but I've been playing like a proper twat the past week and can't blame bad play by any villain, suck outs etc and I have lost half the $$ I gained playing pissed a week ago. (Going to have 1 more $13 90 man KO around 5ish before we go to the airport to see if I can leave on a positive)

Bankroll at just under $1.4k and though I hate setting targets I could do with getting it to $2k before my next hol (last week July) and approx $5k by Xmas so I can withdraw $3k to pay off some bills and have a free Xmas.

Looking forward to a couple of weeks away from the laptop and see if I come back hungry to play.

I wish anyone going to the WSOP all the best.
Now where are those mini Speedo's??

2 jokes today . . .

The lead actor in our local pantomime "Aladdin" was arse raped on stage last night.
To be fair the audience did try to warn him!!

A woman is given a hospital tour. She looks in a room and sees a man wanking. "Thats awful" she says to a Doctor. He explains that the man has an incurable condition. His testicles fill with semen so fast that if he doesn't have a wank at least 5 times a day he is in agony. "Poor man." says the woman.
In the next room she spots a nurse sucking a mans cock.
"Explain that then" she says to the Doctor.
He replies "The same condition but he's with BUPA!!"

Thanks for reading - Gav

Donating some back . . . .

2010-05-19T20:34:00.004+01:00

Have given approx $150 back since a winning Saturday but tonight I have seen some proper shit. I'm obviously not drunk enough in the week as at weekends I must play with a little more recklessness and aggression.
Was playing in a 135 man $11 Rush tourney and was double the average and got dealt AA and raised to 700 (blinds 100/200). Folds to big stack who calls and the blinds fold. Flop Kxx. I bet 700 and he raises all in. He has K8 and turn K river 8. Fuck off but I suppose we have good and bad and that was only one of a few hands that have got on my tits over the past few days.
Okay I'll piss off now I've had my rant.
FT Bankroll @ $1.6K so a few 100 up for the month so not all bad but I want moooore!!

Joke -

A Pakistani has died while training to be a sky diver. Sources at the National English Skydivers Association School have stated that they have no idea how his snorkel and flippers failed to open!!

Gotta FT . . .

2010-05-16T01:39:00.009+01:00

Go out . . . . .get drunk . . . play a few . . . .win a 90 manner $26 for nearly $600 FT KO tyvm . . . .SOTV alive weeeeeeeeeeeee

Still can't get out the doghouse tho!!

Got a Granddaughter due 11/07/1o and Grandson due 07/09/10 and $$ can't hurt lol so congrats to my lads.
I might be a moaning fukka but I'm enjoying the way it's working out as its maturing them. (But not moi!!)
Love my lads loads and can't wait. . . .

And this is pure class. A lesson to us all . . . ~You may have seen it , , , ,

Our Clare

Joke . .. .

2 fish in a tank, 1st says to the second
"Any idea how to drive this fuckin thing!!"

Good luck

Deals and Diddling . . .

2010-05-08T11:35:00.004+01:00

When I heard the result was a hung parliament I thought there may have been a rush on timber and rope at B&Q but apparently it just means that they have to do a deal with the people they've been slagging off to decide who gets power.
I preferred my first thought to be honest especially with the expenses fiddling fuckers and cocks who can't check their mikes are turned off. Imagine the dopey fucker making the same mistake at the G8.

Pokers a bit up and down at the moment. I don't think I'm rolled for the $26 90 man KO's yet so will have to stick to the $13 ones. Played $100 split between them last night before giving up as I couldn't win a hand even when miles in front so thought I'd better just call it a night.
Still up for the month but looking forward to my hols in a fortnight as it forces me not to play which I'm shit at doing on my own.
Good luck all . . .

Joke -

A couple are driving home and run over a badger. They get out of the car and find that it's still breathing but freezing cold.
Husband says "Put it between your legs and warm it up".
His Wife replies "But it's all wet and it stinks".
Hubby replies "Well hold the badgers fucking nose then!!"

A decent season . . .

2010-05-03T14:01:00.003+01:00

Well Brum can't be overtaken for 9th in the Prem and can't get 8th so all in all a very very good 1st season back in the top league.
Next season will be the big test as we need a new keeper as Joe Hart will definately be going back to Man City and we need 2 strikers who might be able to find the net regularly. I'm not sure whether it's worth keeping Benitez as, even though he's a handful for defenders, his strike rate is shyte and we could put the £8m towards better.

On the poker front I keep losing and then getting back the shark status on Sharkscope but could do with being a couple of hundred $$ in front so it stays there. The thing is S/Scope doesn't take into account knockout $$ which would help. Spent most of the Steps I had and entered a $70+$5 knockout MTT on FT with the main one and got 5 knockouts to get the $$ back but went out when 90+/400+ when ran 99 into QQ when to be fair I knew I was beat but couldn't find the fold after raising and being put all in. I should have waited for a better spot as the top 45 got paid but made a stupid mistake. Oh well. Hopefully I'll learn from it. $150 up for the month and will be playing the PokerPlayer freeroll, the SuperSeries on WillHill and a couple of $26 90 man knockouts later as I've done the family bit all day which was thoroughly enjoyable and has got me some poker brownie points.

Hope you're all winning.

Joke -

A man and his Wife are having a stroll around the zoo. As they walk past the gorilla cage they notice he has a hard-on and is gazing at the mans Wife.
The man says "Lift your skirt and tease him". The gorilla goes mental.
"Get your tits out!" The gorilla goes berserk.
The Husband opens the cage and throws his Wife in . . . . .
"Now tell him you've got a fuckin headache!!"

Premier League Manager of The Season . . . .

2010-04-30T02:12:00.002+01:00

Roy Hodgson in my book . . .
Getting Fulham to a European final has to be the best achievement of the season in my book and fair play to the fella as he's not the most inspiring bloke to listen to.
On the poker front I'm posting a $500 (£325) profit for the month which I'm happy with even if I have dropped $200 since my last post. FT roll currently stands at $1k. However I've been doing a few low stakes Steps and am starting the month with 1 x Step 1, 2 x Step 3 and a Step 4 which isn't counted in the profits so will try turn that into funds over the weekend. I might try just building Steps in the week to aim at weekend shots but we'll see.

Hope you're doing well

Gav

Joke -

American, Frenchman, Englishman and Pakistani are standing on the top of the Eiffel Tower. American throws a load of money over the edge. "What did you do that for?" the others ask. "We have so much money in the states that I can afford to". He replies.
The Frenchman throws a case of Champagne over the side and says "We have so much fine Champagne here that I can throw as much as I like over".
The Pakistani looks at the Englishman and says "DON'T YOU FUCKIN DARE!!"

Small things please small minds . . . . . lol

2010-04-25T21:58:00.004+01:00

For a while I've been jealous of those with a shark on Sharkscope so I thought I'd better post my bugger before I lose it.
This month is proving rather good since I played the FT 90 player knock outs and I'm currently at $700 profit as this weekend has gone quite well.
My FT roll currently stands at $1.2k.
Will probably lose the shark status by Wednesday so I'll post it for posterity.

Cheers all

Not sure how I lost . . . .

2010-04-24T03:56:00.003+01:00

A 7 to 1 chip lead . . . .

Just came 2nd in a $20 90 manner but can't believe I didn't win.
I was murdering the FT and just thought I could carry on but stopped hitting anything and got rivered FTW when holding top pair vs gut shot which hit.
$280 profit for the night but should have been double.
Oh well. Good night . .

Late edit - In all honesty I had a load of luck and could have gone out alot earlier so happy enough with the 2nd.

Just seen this lad on Soccer AM and googled his rapping in jumpoffs and found this 44 second piece that just kills his opponent and is class and I've never took any notice before.
Professor Green

Joke -

I lost in a pub quiz by 1 point . . . . . .
The question was "Where do women mostly have curly hair?"
Apparently its Africa!!

Feel like shit = Play shit

2010-04-22T09:10:00.004+01:00

Got the flu at the minute and feel like I've recieved a good kicking to the ribs (Sleeping with one eye open in case it's the Wife).
Only played a few games over the past few days but can't get moving as a lack of energy and thick headedness is reflected in no aggression and no concentration so the profits have dwindled to $100 for the month.

Following one numb nut Son telling me I am to become a Grandad in July my other one decided that a stupidity club with one member would be a lonely one and informed me over the weekend that his Mrs is also with Child.
His argument that I had him when I was 21 didn't really hold up when I explained I had a job and a house by the time he came along and he has neither ffs.
I'm surprised he had the energy to give her one tbh as he's such a lazy git but the merry-go-round starts again with regard to buying baby stuff (which I don't mind) but I worry that neither of them have even had a life yet which was the one that thing I regretted when my mates were off on holidays and buying decent motors in their early 20's.
Neither of them live with me but I see them all the time and yet their Mother is still looking at me as if it's down to me.
I'm not really a grouchy old tool and even though they know how a feel to an extent I'm not telling them everything as they need to find things out for themselves and may not be fussed about the same things I was.

Anyways enough of the grouchy old man routine.

Joke -

A young lad was sat in class scratching his crotch. The teacher asks him whats wrong and embarressed he tells her that he has been circumcised and it's a bit itchy.
His teacher tells him to go the the reception and ring his Mom for some advice.
He comes back with his cock hanging out!!
The teacher shouts "What on earth are you doing?"
"Well Miss, Mum said if I could stick it out til lunchtime she'd come and get me!"

Life Plans . . . .

2010-04-17T11:27:00.003+01:00

Not much happening on the poker front. Steady at just over $200 up for the month and still trying to increase it but my volume has dropped significantly with assignments due and trying to do handovers at work before I move contract from 4th May.

I was reading through my previous posts and suppose I would have thought I would have been playing bigger stakes by now but due to withdrawals for essentials etc I'm still where I was when I started.
The fact is though when I was discussing with the Wife what poker has paid for, that would either not have happened without the funds or would have gone on credit cards, overdaft etc were the funds not available it's certainly been worthwhile so far.

Looking forward to going back to Turkey for a fortnight in May and again in July as I love the place.
Not sure whether I've mentioned previously on the blog but we bought a small apartment out there 5 years ago and now that we have got it fully kitted out it's like having a home from home and it's provided us with a life focus which is achieveable and gives us complete motivation in why we do what we do and to save our hard earned cash where possible.
Our plan is that at some point we go there initially for 3 and then 6 months at a time to see how we get on and then spend a max of 9 months a year there and 3 months here. Not talking about anytime soon as we have a 10 year old to get through education and look after first and foremost but at the same time it's still a 10 year plan.
It's a cracking place and we have friends that live there and look after the place for the 48 weeks a year we are not there and make sure there are no issues etc.
Turkey's a massive place but if you are even remotely interested have a look at this list of things to do in the local area.
There is one downside but I'm not sure that you are allowed to play on-line poker over there as the dream was that poker might pay for the beer at weekends or the shopping as I can't imagine not playing poker as I do love the game.

Winning the WSOP would help but I'll settle for poker paying for stuff for the time being.

Hope your all doing well . .
I've got loads of jokes for a change so you can have 2 today. . .

Paddy's Wife goes to the Doctors complaining that after 10 years of marriage she had never had an orgasm. The Doctor advised her to relax and use a fan to keep her cool during sex. Paddy refused to pay out for a fan and asked his mate if he would mind waving a towel while they made love, but still she didn't orgasm. The next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over, so Paddy's mate made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing sex she'd ever had she had her first orgasm. Paddy looked at his mate and said . . . . . . "That my old Son is how to flap a fucking towel!!!".

The Wife has thrown me out because she's fed up of me wanking in bed every night.
She said it was getting on her tits.

Am I playing correctly around the bubble? . . . . .

2010-04-09T18:39:00.000+01:00

And am I posting too many new posts? . . . . . :p

Having posted negatively I then get a 3rd and 7th in 2 x 90 manners yesterday and am back up to the $250 profit mark for the month.

However I have a question around whether I am playing the game correctly around the bubble and want to give an example as a MTT yesterday is a prime example of what I do. I know I’m TAG and yesterday played the $11 Super Stack on FT that started at 6pm with just over 1600 fish and the top 162 paid.
4 and a half hours later we are down to 172 and I’ve got 23k chips and though the average is a lot higher I can easily make the min money.
Blinds are 1000/500 with an ante and I’m 4th to bet and get dealt AK. There is a raise to 2k and a further raise to 6k from a serial raiser and I decide to shove. Both call and the early raiser shows 1010 and the serial raiser AK (so tbh I was wrong about him on this occasion). 10 on the flop and I’m gone.
The question is should I have just gone for the min cash knowing that it normally goes a bit mad after the bubble bursts and try and ladder a couple of dollars or was it right to try and triple up to approx 70k and be in the top 20/30 or so?
Min cash was $19 and then it went up a couple of $$ a time.
This isn’t a one off at all as sometimes it works and obv sometimes it won’t but it was $3.5k ftw and after my previous post and having outlasted 90% of the field I wanted to give myself a fair crack.
I suppose I’ve answered my own question with the thought process around it but would be interested in any feedback. (It’s supposed to be a poker blog after all)

Hope your all well blah blah

Joke –

Camilla says to the Queen “Every time I suck Charles’ cock I get acid indigestion.
The Queen replies “Have you tried Andrews?”

Need to win some $$$$ asap . . . .

2010-04-07T21:50:00.002+01:00

Every time I do a positive post it seems I have to follow it up with a negative one ffs.
Still in a profit for the month of about $150 but I haven't cashed in 10-12 in the 90 manner $13 on FT which I appreciate is f*ck all but its annoying me.
Definately annoying me more though is that since my lad moved in with his pregnant girlfriend its cost me a feckin fortune in helping with their rent and bills.
They reckoned they had the rent sorted and now it appears they hadn't and they haven't got a clue about bankroll (I mean money) management.
The worst thing is they've been properly having me and the girlfriends parents over by pleading poverty and having money from all sides including Grandparents and we are back to square one this month as they've been living the life of Riley.
They're in for a shock this weekend though as they don't realise that I've been in contact with her Mom and we've realised their tricks and we're going round on Sunday together to sort all the shit out and explain how things work (or something along those lines).
Don't get me wrong we will help in any way we can as they can't survive on what they get but piss taking I will not accept.

Anyways rant over and you're probably not interested anyways :p.

Going to back the Grand National tips noted on ScoopTroop as the fella gives good reasoning behind them and have also backed Angel Cabrera, Camilo Villegas, Anthony Kim, Dustin Johnson and Charl Shwartzel for the Masters and will more than likely back a couple more after the cut if these balls it up.

Right I need to pay bills for my house and maintenance on our apartment, pay my lads rent, food and utility bills and go on holiday the End of May so I reckon £10k might put me in front.
Any ideas????

Good luck all -

Joke -

A couple run out of money and decide the Wife should go on the game. Hubby says "You stand on the pavement and I'll wait round the corner". A car stops and the Wife goes over. "How much?" asks the punter. "£100" says the Wife.
"What do I get for £20? Its all I've got." He says.
"Hold on" she says and runs around the corner to ask her Hubby what to do.
"Just give him a blow job then" he says.
She climbs into the motor, undoes his trousers and takes out the biggest cock she's ever seen. She gets back out of the car and runs back to her Husband and says . . . . . .
"Fuckin hell. You need to lend him £80!!!!!"

Relaxation . . .

2010-04-03T11:22:00.002+01:00

Down in Devon for the weekend. Went to Brixham and Paignton yesterday and off over to Dartmouth today.
Small excursion to the bookies (Its my holiday too you know!) and back later this evening for the results etc, beer and MOTD.
Having played probably 8 $13 90 manner s&g knockouts and had a 2nd and 3rd for a $250ish profit in the last 2 nights since I've been here which is decent and can't really play too much as I like my nuts where they are.
Hope you're having a decent weekend.

Joke -
Went to the Doctors the other day. It was a new female doctor, she was young and drop dead gorgeous. I groaned, "Oh no, I'm so embarressed".
She said "Don't worry, I'm A professional. I've seen it all. Just tell me what's wrong and I will help you any way I can."
I said "I think my cock tastes funny!!"

Looks like a decent month . . .

2010-03-30T21:29:00.002+01:00

£440 profit for the month which I'll close now as I'm in work at 5am and will not be playing much if at all tomorrow.
Was a bit the worse for wear when I played and did a blog post Saturday. Reckon I went $130 approx down before winning one for $288.
Yesterday just played one for $54 and a couple of KO's and today 2 for 6 KO's and a 2nd.
Admittedly its probably not going to be sustainable but I'll take it tyvm.
Going down to Devon Thursday night til Sunday and though I'll defo be taking the laptop I'll be strung up by my nads if I play too much.
Hope everythings okay with everyone else . .

Joke -

Two women were talking.
"Do you look at your Husbands face when you're having sex?" asked the 1st woman.
"I did once and he looked really angry." Replied the 2nd.
"Why angry?" asked the 1st
"Because he was watching through the window!!"

Not the best I'll admit.

Fold, Call, Raise and . . . .

2010-03-27T23:31:00.008Z

And the fourth button . . . . . Cunt . .
My win of the other day introduced the button under the guise "Invincible".
You don't see the button. It's like the door to Narnia (remember that?) If not it was like Harry Potter for the older people.
This is where mere mortals get above themselves and try it on against people that haven't got a clue or, as in my case, can,t fold.
Therefore it seems I haven't got a clue

I'm SOTV (Shit On The Villa)
Late edit. Sod the extra button. The above tourney happened after the post which will prob confuse the issue but I don,t know how to move the pic so it,s probably confused the point.

Thanks and goodnight.

Joke -

Moi!!

I got me a new job . . . .

2010-03-25T20:03:00.002Z

Interviewed at 10:30 and advised at 6pm that the offer letter will be in the post tomorrow. Weeeeeeee.
TBH, even though I always have it within me to make a ricket from time to time, it was an ex-Manager along with the IT Service Centre Director that were interviewing me so I was at a definate advantage as potentially cocking up an hours interview was never going to undo 3 years knowledge of your work.
So back setting up an Out of Hours night shift with working instructions, process and procedures blah blah etc for me.
Can't wait as everyone needs a new challenge from time to time and they've agreed to carry on the existing sponsorship of my PT Foundation Degree.

Anyways Happy Days

Joke of sorts

I hate Spring, my eyes are constantly streaming, sore and itchy and I blame women for this.
If they didn't wear such revealing clothes then they wouldn't need the pepper spray.

GL

Should cement a profit for the month . . . .

2010-03-24T18:24:00.005Z

Managed a MTT win last night which gives the profit a bit of a boost for the month (approx £300 total).

Having messed about with Rush poker I then changed to the $12+$1 90 player knock out tourneys which I have done okay in as I like the structure and then played the Super Series last night and for once it all fell back into place and, barring 1 very fortunate hand , the hands held up and the flush draws hit etc.

Its not just the profit boost thats a bonus but the fact that I hadn't won a MTT for aaages and I'm hoping the confidence boost leads to more of the same.

Got an interview for the role I mentioned in the last post tomorrow and with a bit of luck and a decent showing by me things could look pretty rosy going forward.

Hope you're all doing well

Gav

Joke -

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

Nothing's ever easy . . . .

2010-03-17T08:49:00.004Z

After blowing my own trumpet regarding being up $200 playing Rush Poker on FT I quickly donated over half of it back within an hour of publishing the post. $60 when the all in post flop with me with top straight and him with 2 pair which filled for his house on the river and the other $40+ playing like a cock because of the aforementioned hand.
Still going to play it though and am planning to use the roll which is now just over $200 for over the next 3 days while I'm off work watching the Cheltenham festival. Will be having a few beers this arvo and will no doubt be taking risks later when my head thinks chasing hands is a cracking idea. Will try not to but its kind of inevitable.
Really looking forward to a relaxing couple of days and as my cars booked in at a mates garage to have a new cam, head skimmed and a service until Friday afternoon it seems a good excuse for a beer though I've also got to finish a couple of assignments.

On the work front my firm has picked up a new contract for the Environment Agency looking after their IT and I've decided to go for a role on it. Having worked on the current contract for 4 years I feel I'm stagnating and the Service Centre looks too top heavy with gaffers so there's nowhere to go. Historically if you are in at the start of a contract and hit the ground running it's a good opportunity to show what you can do and kick on so I'm hoping I can get on it.
I've been told that I've been earmarked to look after the Out of Hours team again as I set one up on the current contract so I'm hoping I don't fook up the assessment day. No ale or poker the night before that believe me.
Anyways enough wittering about work.

Will be taking up the Bet365 offer of a free bet if you back winners over 4/1 on Channel4 races (funnily enough the bookie in the local doesn't do any such offers) and one I will be backing is Kalahari King so I'd better go and find my lucky pants.

Also as BurnleyMik has put on his post sign up for this petition if you are pissed off with rising fuel prices

Joke -

Man goes to the Docs and says "I've been shagging the Wife for 10 years now and she's getting a bit loose. Is there anything you can suggest to tighten her up abit?"
"Well" says the Doc, "This is a bit of a taboo subject but have you tried going up the other hole?"
The fella replies "WHAT? And risk getting her pregnant!"

In a Rush . . . .

2010-03-14T21:01:00.002Z

The break from poker didn't last long but I've just been playing Rush in half hour slots and it's made me $200 this week at 10/25.
I know purists will say its not real poker but it's good to play with the freedom that I'm not up against tracking software (at least I don't think I am) as the game is too quick and I'm enjoying being aggressive though I tend to win $40 and then donate $30 back at times due to set miners etc.
I'm really enjoying it though as I'm not playing for hours at a time and only when I feel like it.

The footie challenge took a backward step with both bets turned over but have 2 bets left to try and rescue it.

Only working Mon/Tue this week and then have 3 days off for Cheltenham. Not going as I need all the cash I can get at the moment but with Wednesday and Friday in the local with the resident bookie and Thursday finishing a couple of assignments I am really looking forward to it.

Thats it for now. Good luck all with the pokerage and general gamblings.

Joke -

My girlfriend said I couldn't multi-task so I decided to prove her wrong.

Having a piss while recieving a blow job probably wasn't the best way to do it!!

Start of footie challenge . . .

2010-03-12T21:52:00.005Z

I have selected 2 x £5 footie bets this weekend to start my challenge (1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday).

Saturdays picks are -
Spurs - 4/9
Northampton - 4/11
Rushden - 4/9
Lyon - 4/11
AEK Athens - 1/2
Braga - 4/9

£5 returns £42

Sundays are -
Barca - 2/5
AC Milan 4/11
Kaiserslauten - 4/9
Feyenoord - 2/5
Sporting Lisbon - 4/7
Bursaspor - 4/9

£5 returns £44

Lets hope it gets off to a winning start as my roll is left with a tenner to bail me out.
GL on the felt. I'm still playing a bit but closing down when I lose interest for a change

Saturday edit - Lyon fookers - footies rigged lol
Sunday edit - That ones gone up the wall as well. £10 left

Joke -

Man at chemist says "I need poison!"
Chemist replies "I'm sorry I can't sell you that."
Fella shows him his marriage certificate.
Chemist says "I'm sorry Sir. I didn't realise you had a prescription!"

If it can be done at poker . . . . .

2010-03-10T19:37:00.004Z

It should be possible on the footie.

There have been a few challenges set and achieved turning a few dollars into $10k on the poker front but I'm going to have a go with gambling on the footie.Poker is going nowhere at the moment and tbh thats probably through boredom resulting in bad play and I'm bored of playing and ending up level. A break will do me good I reckon.So, even though I've left it late for this season, I'm going to set myself a challenge of turning £20 into over £1k (initially) betting on the footie.

My plan is that the £20 will give me 4 goes at starting with a fiver as this is at least involving a form of BRM.
I plan to back 6 teams at a time at roughly 1/2 prices which will return approx 10/1.
If the bet wins I then split the winnings in 2 so that I can have to goes at the next level and so on.

I could still do with more cash but would rather spend a few evenings glancing at livescore.com than grinding DYM for f*%k all due to boredom.
It might fall flat but I'll post the bets before the relevent kick-off times and will back the full European/Worldwide coupons on WillHill.
I'll probably be back in love with Poker within a week but this just sounds easier to me. (Can't be though or we'd all be at it).

Just a question but how can that muppet Sepp Blatter say there is no need for goal line technology in a multi-million pound game like football when it is proving invaluable in tennis and cricket. Soooo far behind the times he probably still thinks we play with a pigs bladder. Obv I'm not bitter that Blues had a goal ruled out even though it was blatantly over the line against Pompey in the cup.

Oh well GL all.

Joke -

A woman, pregnant with triplets, was caught in the crossfire at a bank robbery and shot 3 times in the stomach. The doctors decided it was too risky to operate and chose to leave the bullets in.

16 years later one of the girl triplets went crying to her Mum. She asked her what was wrong. "I was peeing and a bullet came out" so her Mom told her what had happened 16 years earlier.

A couple of days later the same thing happened to the other girl triplet so her Mom told her the story about the bank robbery.

The day after the boy triplet went crying to his Mother. "Let me guess" she said "You were peeing and a bullet came out".

"No" said the boy "I was having a wank and I think I shot the dog!!"

Well I found it interesting . . .

2010-03-02T20:01:00.003Z

Got shown this at Uni last night and though its a couple of years out of date it just shows how much the world is changing and we might not notice half of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUMf7FWGdCw

Joke -

Just been to the Doctors and he said I was paranoid . . . Well, he didn't actually say that but it's what the bastard was thinking!!

Getting a new laptop . . .

2010-02-27T11:31:00.002Z

I've decided to buy a new laptop and have taken an upgrade on the 3 broadband dongle I've got and plummed for an Inspiron 1750 with 17" screen.
I told my Son who is 10 that I'd get him a laptop before he went to Secondary school as their homework diaries are on-line and they can upload their homework nowadays apparently.
However being a selfish sort of Dad and having seen him eat spare ribs and a sticky cake while bumbling about on mine (that took me longer to calm down than any bad beat) I can't bring myself to give him a nice new shiny one so he's going to make do with mine which is only a year or so old and I'll have the nice new shiny one.
Only costing me £15 a month on top of what I was paying and a mate at work pays half at the moment when he's on shift so not too bad and besides can't afford to pay up front anyways while I'm helping to kit my older lads house out.

On to poker and I've only played a bit and am still level though I dropped $40 when I tried out Rush Poker but I still think it's a cracking idea and reckon I'll soon get it back if I play ultra tight.
If you were the one whose idea that was I hope you would get a proper bonus akin to the Banker arseholes and not the proverbial M&S voucher for your efforts.

Anyways off to the pub now for an afternoon of gambling on horses, football, poker, and whatever else is on the cards (Gotta have a blow out as I think I'm ready for one and feel ready to blow my top with shit at work and forking out left, right and centre for my lads house (At least that bit is appreciated)).

Good luck all and funnily enough to the Villa tomorrow as well (a complete one off and proves I need a beer).

Joke -

Paddy weighs 20st so his Doctor puts him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, eat for 2 days, skip a day and so on for 2 weeks and you should lose 5lb."
When Paddy returned he shocked the Doctor by having lost 4st.
"Thats amazing!" says the Doc.
"I'll tell you be Jesus, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of the first week." says Paddy.
"What from hunger?" asks the Doc.
"No from all the fuckin skipping!!" replies Paddy

Static . . .

2010-02-24T18:01:00.003Z

February is going to close a level month. Got moving upwards early on, played shit, had a chat with myself sub-consciously and then carried on playing shit regardless.
Bankroll has stayed the same and have lost the £70 rake paid so effectively down but I go on BR. Finally got my funds from ClickandBuy (Titan middleman payout people) so will be starting on Betmost from 01/03/10 so will hopefully be profitable on there as I will have a start afresh frame of mind.

The only thing I've been profitable on this month is footie betting for just over £200 which isn't bad but that cash has gone on stuff for my Son's house along with another few hundred on top.

Noticed via Fenix's blog that he was offering shares so that he could play the majors last Sunday. Had never took a stake in anyone before but his Sharkscope stats looked spot on so I went for the minimum 1% and not only made a profit but enjoyed a night off (apart from 3 sng) but also watched for a couple of hours and I reckon I may have learnt a thing or 2 into the bargain.
One thing I did notice and I may have got completely the wrong end of the stick, is that even though these were higher than I've ever played people were still going all in Q-9 vs K-10 pre flop for example. This was not Fenix but others at the tables and there was nothing obvious like short stacks being forced to double up so could only put it down to there being fish at all levels. Having not watched bigger staked tournies before I suppose I didn't think it would happen or I've led a sheltered life at lower stakes and thought that the bigger the buy-in the play would be massively higher standard.

I'd certainly take a stake again though (winning first time out does that for you).

Good luck all and here's to a profitable March.

Joke

A man named Ralph appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St.Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Brecon Beacons in South Wales, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, yelling "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago!!".

Subconscious chat once the tables are closed down . . . .

2010-02-20T13:26:00.003Z

If you're anything like me you probably have a subconscious chat with yourself at the end of each session on how things have gone (or am I the only tard that does this??)
Anyways below are the usual questions that I ask myself on a regular basis and the answers in blue are the answers I would like to give and the answers in the brackets in red are the answers I have had to give the last few days.

So how did you play this evening? Like a God. Total "A" game. (Like a cock. Total fuckwit)
How's the bankroll looking? £100 up (£100 down)
Any reason for this? Brilliant reads (Brilliant reads by "them")
Did you Tilt? What me? Don't be daft. I'm totally okay with variance (What me? Of course I did. I thought if they can win with shyt so can I)
Are you still learning the intracacies of the game? I'm always learning. You can never know it all (I need to get back to basics as I'm going backwards)
What improvements could you make to your game? Keep maximising opportunity (Stop watching the tv, drinking and playing like a newbie)
Are the profits still happening? Of course (Not if I keep playing like a cnut)
Oh well back to the drawing board.

As a final point. If Pompey go into administration do Blues get a bye to the Semis of the FA Cup? Then we can play Palace , wait for them to go the same way and get straight to the final. Just a thought.

Good luck all

Joke -
Paddy's struggling down the road with a wardrobe.
A friend says "Paddy, why don't you get Mick to help you?
Paddy replies "He's inside carrying the clothes!!?"

F.A Cup winners 2010 Birmingham City??? . . . .

2010-02-13T18:43:00.005Z

Decent win in the cup today against Derby even if we didn't play too well.
A perfect scenario for us would be to avoid the Villa until the semi's or better still the final and then take our chances against our biggest rivals in the biggest game in years.
Some might say "Yeah but what if you lose your biggest game for an age against your rivals?"
But to be honest I'm a gambler and would rather take my chances on the best game in a long time in the World famous cup and a 4-2 win (Well I can dream can't I).
I'm nothing if not fair though and they can still have silverware as they are in the Carling Cup Final in March.
Could do with a home draw in the Quarter's and I'll take Pompey, Albion/Reading, or Fulham/Notts Co.
Thankyou very much. If Cloud can have a word with God next time they have a chat it would be appreciated.

On to poker and I'm playing shyt. A complete lack of concentration and it's only the rake that's giving me a profit.
Thankfully I've won a tad over £100 today on the footie to boost the roll (I love late goals. Cheers Millwall and Blues).

Joke -

3 bodies turn up at the mortuary all with smiles on their faces. A cop asks the coroner "Why are they all smiling?"
The coroner explains "The 1st guy died of a heart attack shagging his Wife, hence his smile. The 2nd guy won the lottery, spent it on Whisky and died of alcohol poisoning, hence his smile. The 3rd guy however was unusual, Paddy from Belfast, struck by lightening!"
The cop asks "Why the fuck was he smiling?"
The coroner replies "Daft twat thought he was having his photo taken!!"

Good luck all

Possibly need a change . . . .

2010-02-09T23:10:00.002Z

Played DYM again since the start of the month and am £70 up (£30 of which is rakeback) so obv I am just over break even. The thing is DYM are fookin boring unless you can win consistently. Play poker for a few levels and then throw all your chips in with any pair/high ace, followed by all-in any ace. I probably need to change for a few weeks and then come back to it as when you're concentrating its an easy earner but when you're bored you might as well bet on the toss of a coin.
I know I have 2 obvious flaws whatever I do. I've never gone above 3 tabling and just need to do it (possibly on lower stakes sng's til I can handle it) and secondly concentration (I need to speak to the Mrs at least once a night and I keep watching the telly).
Anyways I'll sort it out eventually. Just thought I'd post my thoughts.
Hope your having more joy with it than I am atm.

Joke -

Paddy was telling his mates about his skydive at the weekend. "The plane went up to 10,000 feet and the door opened. One by one they began to jump out until it was my turn. I couldn't do it. The instructor stepped up, pulled out his 12" cock and said "If you don't jump I'm going to stick this up your arse!!""
One of Paddy's mates asked "So did you jump?"
Paddy replied "Only when it first went in!!"

Not a bad start to 2010 . . .

2010-01-31T22:11:00.001Z

Tad over £400 profit and I’ll take that each month tbh at the small stakes I play. Have been playing purely DYM and although some days are pure grind and end up level there have been a few decent days and 1 shit one when I wasn’t in the mood for it and tried to play my way through and dropped £60 but the rake seems to tot up a lot quicker as I’m playing more of them.

Still awaiting cash from Titan. Have met their criteria but now bet and click are fucking about and have had to prove who I am to them as well. I think I know how the Pompey players feel now regarding wondering when they will get paid but the comments from my last post at least help out with knowing I will get it.
Bit of a comic hand last night when I had pocket 4’s and I’d hit trips but the turn gave quads and I didn’t notice (beer problem). Got 2 knocked out and a load of praise for slow playing for allowing the villains to hit their flushes before noticing. Of course I didn’t let on I just hadn’t realized. GG me lol.
As I’m purely playing DYM and am moving to Betmost I have taken £1k out of WillHill leaving me £300ish and will deposit £250 in Betmost so that should keep me going and I could do with the funds to help kit out my Son’s house.
Apart from that there’s not a lot going on so good luck at the tables.

Joke –
A blokes watching the footie on the box and flicks through the channels at half time and finds a porn film with a man shagging a woman long and hard. He says to his Wife “I don’t know whether to watch this or the game”. His Wife says “For fucks sake watch this. You already know how to play football!!”

What a pallaver . . . .

2010-01-19T15:47:00.007Z

Trying to cash out of Titan is a right game.

I've had to take photos of my debit card (back and front) and also my photo driving licence in order to get at my funds.

Funny how you don't have to go through this shit when you make a deposit!!

Driving licence doesn't come out that clear due to the squigly lines on it so sods law says they'll mail me back but I sent them the counterpart element as well for good luck.

Is this the same on most sites??

Never had an issue with WillHill when I joined them.

I sent them a mail pointing out I'd be a pretty shit thief to rob somones debit card, deposit cash and then withdraw the £320 winnings to their account?!?!

I wouldn't mind but I had to join Click and Pay and verify that by inputting details of the 2 debits they took out of my account already ffs.

Oh well rant over. . . On the poker front I made £365 profit on Titan purely paying DYM in 12 days and have left £35 in there as there is a poker player $3k added tourney at the weekend.

For some reason the graph doesn't quite tally with the profits but oh well. . .

Lad ill today so off work so there goes a days Annual Leave (wankers . .when I worked at Vodafone we had 5 days dependants leave we could take.

Finally (and littleacornman won't like this) my Sister has found out that the house next to hers was being used as a "herb" factory and the Police have gone and and taken the harvest and all the paraphenalia. She didn't get so much as a souvenier lol.

I'd rather have set the place on fire, gathered the neighbours around and called the fire brigade when the herb ran out. (Imagine the toke on that lol)

Good luck at the tables.

Joke . .

A bloke bursting for the loo uses the ladies in a posh hotel. He sits down and notices 4 buttons - WW, WA, PP and ATR. Curious he presses WW & is gently sprayed with warm water, then WA and a blast of warm air dries him. PP. a powder puff which left him smelling fresh. Feeling pampered he presses ATR . . . He wakes up in hospital and asks the nurse what the fuck happened. She says "ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover - Your cock is under your pillow!!"

Moving sites again . . .

2010-01-16T13:40:00.002Z

Following the last post I am moving back to Sky at the end of Feb and have told Virgin they are shyt. They didn't seem that fussed tbh and are probably getting inundated with calls.

On other fronts you may recall that my 16 year old Son has got his girlfriend in the family way and things are progressing well as she has sorted out a private 3 bed semi that the Social are paying for and he has got a number of contacts who are offering him bricklaying work even though he is only 5 months into his course. He has apparently already got a reputation for being a grafter and with a kiddie on the way they know he needs the cash.
No wonder Johnny Foreigner loves the UK so much though. I had no idea of the types or amounts of benefits you could get until I had a chat with him. Up to £600 towards your rent?? He is determined to pay his own way but its going to take time until he is in a position where he will be able to pay that himself.

On the poker front I have got Titan up to £225 and the DYM are going quite well but am going to move the cash over to Betmost Poker as Titan don't offer any rakeback of any sort so I am spewing up to $30 a night that I'll never see again. They are also on the i-poker network but thanks to Rubbish and Hellraiser who advised me, Betmost offer a "weekly sponsorship bonus" which is another word for something else but i-poker don't like it apparently.

Anyways if you are interested in earning what I consider to be a great "weekly sponsorship bonus" + decent VIP status and 3 freerolls (1k, 2k and 5k) a month you need to join RaiseTheRiver forum and email mik@raisetheriver.com to get it sorted for you.
This is not a sponsored part of the post I just thought I'd share the info.

Thats about it for now but when I move across to Betmost my table name will be KROBeauBrummie and I'll be there from the back end of next week.

GL all.

Joke -

Paddy's in jail with a big black fella. On the first night the fella takes his cock out and bashes it against the toilet bowl, the bowl breaks. He bashes it against the prison bars, the bars bend.
He says "Paddy, Now I'm going to shove this up your arse!!."
Paddy says "Thank fuck for that! I thought you were going to hit me with it."

Fuck Virgin . . . .

2010-01-10T13:37:00.003Z

Anyone reading this expecting a tale of fucking a virgin will be sorely disappointed.

No this post is about Virgin media and their current inability to go a month without an outage affecting their tv/broadband or most recently both.
Appreciate the weather has been a bit moody recently but this has been on and off for the last 3 months and really pissed me off last night when I had was cruising in a couple of $20 DYM and at just before midnight everything just goes off.
Now imo if their is an outage you reboot a server for example and possibly look at it as a one off, if it happens again you do another reboot but do a route cause analysis to try to get to the bottom of the issue and if it happens a 3rd shoot the fucker that didn't sort of the root cause.
But no when you ring the customer unit notification team (cunt) the "advisor" just keeps licking the window and tells you he doesn't know what an outage is but thats whats happened and not to leave the company as you are on the VIP package which means you are getting a discount for the services (that you are not recieiving at the moment??!!)
So sod them I've rang Sky who can do me the same package (-ESPN) with BT line and their broadband for £15 less a month but with paying a few quid for installation with a few vouchers thrown in.
On the poker front my little challenge is up to £108 on Titan and £1200 on WillHill but will probably move a bit to Betmost on the i-poker network as I've heard of a deal offering decent rakeback if I can find a link to it.
Been sledging today with my lad. Great fun but I think I've broken my coccyx (tail bone) by smashing into small child. She was fine btw.

Joke -

Paddy goes into Marks and Spencer to buy his Wife a maternity bra.
Shop assistant says "What bust Sir?
Paddy says "The fucking condom!!"

Good luck all.

World Blogger Championship of Online Poker

2010-01-08T19:00:00.001Z

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.

Registration code: 675288

New challenge . . .

2010-01-06T07:53:00.002Z

Played like a tool since New Year. My poker is all about confidence.I don't know why but every now and then I play as if I've never played before and don't think about what I'm doing and shove with shit. Yes there has been the odd bad beat thrown in but thats only natural. Fuktheriva is now showing as Super Tilt on i-poker and even though it only amounted to £3o loss as I got £50 rakeback it still got on my nerves. I am also pissed off with playing the same people all the time on the DYM and Deepstacks.

fuktheriva 1,377 $2 $9 21% $2,139 Super Tilt 71 iPoker

So I opened another account on i-poker. Needed to set up an account on Titan to enter a Poker Player tourney so shoved £20 in and they doubled it. No rakeback but I've not enquired yet.
In short I'm going to play the same games I normally do but without any history to look at and use minimal BRM to see if I can spin up.
Playing $5 and $10 DYM until I reach £100 then $10 and $20 untill I get to £250 and then $20 and $30 if I get this far.
Challenge will probably go tits up before I get to the first hurdle but it gives me something to have a go at.
The Titan username is Bluenose200000

Blues have got Man U this weeknd and I can see our unbeaten run going west as I reckon Ferguson will have ripped them a new one after the Leeds performance so we might get the backlash. Will certainly be the best test of our defence and Joe Hart yet I would think.

Joke -

A man farts in bed and says to his Wife "1-0"
Wife farts and says "1 all"
Man farts and says "2-1"
Wife farts and says "2-2"
Man farts, follows through and shits the bed.
Wife says "What the fuck was that?!!!"
Hubby replies "Half time. Swap sides!!"

Good luck all

Rindercella . . . . .

2010-01-01T11:37:00.003Z

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

Rindercella worked very hard frubbing scloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards.

One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks.

They were really forrible huckers.

They had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts wouldn’t let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.

She turned a pumpkin and six mite whice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnight otherwise there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve.

"Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks and losing her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.

Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fassive mart.

“Who's fust jarted?” asked the prandsome hince.

“Blame that fugly ucker over there!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers.

This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.

The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!

THE END.

Had this mailed to me yesterday and though I'd seen it before I thought I'd post it.
Only problem is I can't remember if I saw it on someones blog or an old email so if it was originally yours please accept my apologies.

Good end to the poker year with a £640 profit for December of which I took £500 out to sort out an easier Xmas so starting 2010 with a £1.2k bankroll.
A happy 2010 to all.

Joe Hart for England!!??

2009-12-29T10:18:00.002Z

. . I don't think there's a better English keeper atm. The fella has helped Birmingham go 11 games unbeaten (something we've not done in over 100 years) and has made some cracking saves along the way. I think 9 clean sheets in 20 Premiership games speaks volumes.

I honestly think that instead of saying "He's definately one for the future" players should be given a chance if they deserve it. Certainly in a friendly or 2 leading up to South Africa which are the games to try players out and have a closer look at them.

To be fair the partnership of Dann and Johnson are looking strong and the midfield of a rejuvenated Bowyer and Ferguson have been class. The one player who seems in and out and can be annoying is McFadden but when he is on his game he can turn matches but if you can't be consistent and confident when the team are flying when can you do it??

With Man U (h), Portsmouth (a) and Chelsea (a) our next 3 Premiership games the run might be over soon but they have surprised me so far so you never know . . .

On the poker front I have had a £100 loss over Xmas mainly due to a pissed up Boxing Day but you can't have everything. I've taken £500 out of the account for some bills and still have £4k bills to pay so will be taking $500 out everytime I get to £1.5k for a while.

Have had a decent enough 2009 though not as profitable as 2008 but as I will be starting 2010 with a minimum of £1k bankroll as opposed to £300 in 2009 I hope to have a better start.

Plans for 2010 errmm - Win more, play more MTT to win more, get to grips with Thunder STT's which Acornman gave me tips on a month ago.

Joke (apologies)

I was round at my new girlfriends for dinner the other day . .as she was cooking she asked me to turn the veg on, apparently fingering her disabled Sister in her wheelchair wasn't the right thing to do . . .

Close . . . .

2009-12-24T01:48:00.002Z

And now to bed . . .

Found a MTT that likes me . . .

2009-12-18T19:45:00.009Z

The 17:00 $10+$1 $4k guaranteed on i-poker seems to like me atm.
I've entered 3 times as I've been on earlies and come 6/412 for $165, 45/424 for $20 and today 3/444 for $355 (my JJ beaten aipf v A5). Will win it eventually.

Not bad as I've been breaking even on the SnG,s over the last 100+ games.

Thanks for the comments on the previous post.
My middle lads (Callum) solicitor reckons the CPS will drop the prosecution or he will get a referral order still if they carry on and he pleads Guilty before the trial.
On the baby front I've had a chat with both Callum and his GF and said that I would support them whatever they decide and I feel alot better about the situation than I did even though its a ridic situation to be in at their age and in their circumstances.
I always said I would support my kids through thick and thin but didn't think he would take the thick element so seriously.

Joke -

A fella walks into an Ann Summers shop and asks for a see-through negligee, size 48-50-56. The shop assistant looks at him and asks "Why the fuck would you wanna see through that?!!"

Good luck all

Fookin Kids . .

2009-12-16T12:13:00.004Z

Sorry for the length (Haven't had to say that too often if ever),

Neither of my kids had a criminal record until 3 weeks ago and now both will have one.
Eldest (19) decides to "borrow" his Moms car to go to McDonalds. A few problems with this -
1 - He doesn't have a driving licence (therefore no insurance)
2 - He's had 3 pints
3 - His Mom didn't know he was "borrowing" it.
Needless to say he gets pulled (not for speeding, not for driving erratically etc but for it being 1am and avoiding eye contact with the nice policemen driving in the opposite direction).
In short a 12 month ban, £300 fine + costs. The ban could be 8 months if he does an Aquarius course but he didn't have a licence in the 1st place so no point in getting a provisional back early so might as well put the course money towards passing his test.
To cap it his mother had to pay £170 to get the car out the pound they had towed it to.
WP Sir Numbnut.

2nd eldest (16) up for assault and could and should have still not had a record but for his fookin wank solicitor.
Arrived at court early as he needs an adult with him and the first solicitor says that the statements made by the "victims" are all over the place as they can't say who throught the 1st punch and it just reads like it was a typical teenage punchup fuelled by a few drinks. However as he has stated on tape that he punched the other fella twice before it was all over then he might want to consider pleading Guilty and just end up with a 8-12 month referral to Youth Offenders, which when complete, results in no criminal record. (This sounded okay to me as he had already admitted he lamped somebody and he didnt have a mark on him whereas the other lad didn't look too clever so just on photo's alone, in my mind it didn't really matter who started it as the pics would not look good in court).
However when the court broke for lunch his solicitor advised that she was not available in the afternoon and her colleague would be taking over. This fella had a word with Callum and said that the Witness statements were all over the place, contradicting each other, and that he should go not guilty and take his chances. I said that I didn't think it was worth the risk as if found guilty the referral would not be an option but he said that was his advice and Callum took it.
However this now means that he has a 2 day trial with his c0-accused in March so it will be hanging over him/us for another 3 months. TBH Callum wasn't expecting a trial and I ripped the solicitor a new one outside as I said he had just fucked up imo and then he backtracked and said that if we wanted to speak to his colleague and then write to the court to plead guilty it was up to us. Fookin tosspot wanker. It still won't be as easy as just admitting you had a ruck and them letting it go as he has said "not guilty" now so they will not give him the credit for an early guilty plea.

AND to top it all the dopey bollocks has got his girlfriend pregnant. He hasn't had the maturity to tell me yet but his girlfriend told his Mom last week and she told me. If he hasn't got the maturity to tell his Parents about this there is no chance going forward imo.
He's doing a bricklaying apprenticeship, lives with his Mom, and gets £30 EMA grant from college and yet he has told Liz (GF) that he will support her if she wants to have the baby but will not be moving into a council flat as he hasn't had a life yet and has only just left school.
Support a baby on £30 a week????? Wants to have a life????? Grow up Son. It doesn't work like that after the event. FFS.
Mind you after all that my mate said to me that I seemed to be taking it quite calmly.
My reply "It could have been worse. My Mrs could have told me she was pregnant". Always got to try and find a positive . . .

Right. I think this post has gone on long enough.
Having read this through my family sound like a right bunch of pikeys so I'm off to buy a caravan . .

Joke -

SKYSPORTS BREAKING NEWS!!!!
It has been announced that next years shirt sponsor for Tiger Woods will be Tampax.
A spokesman for Tampax said "To sponsor a cunt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is about!"

Good luck all.
I need Mothercare to do a freeroll and sharpish . . .

Sometimes it makes you wonder . . .

2009-12-10T19:09:00.003Z

I have played on poker WillHill for about 4 years now and am quite happy with the site, its set up etc and its not too hard.
I get rake back and for the past few months they have had a promotion where you also got a monthly bonus which equated to a % of the rake.
Not being a high volume player its only a few quid but its free money and I like free money.
Anyways this month I got the usual popup at the End of November saying it was continuing in December but no payment so I left it a few days and emailed WillHill.
1st mail - They said they don't have a monthly bonus scheme.
2nd mail - They said they did and I would recieve £71 in 24 hours (Bonus as I was only expecting £20).
3rd email - Back to square 1 and they say they don't do a monthly bonus.

Was really dying to mail back and say "It's your feckin site. How come you don't know your arse from your feckin elbow and what offers you have". The previous payments or rake don't appear on my history so I can't send them previous to make my point and I don't want my bankroll of £1300 frozen should they freeze my account if I call them a bunch of muppets over £20.
Still pisses me off that they don't know what they are doing but they have asked me to do a screenshot if the offer comes up again, which I will, just so they know I'm not trying it on.

Enough moaning for now - GL all

Joke (and I liked this one) -

Zoo keeper says to Paddy "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with him. Would you consider shagging him for £500?"
Paddy replies "I will on 3 conditions; 1st I'm not going to kiss it, 2nd my family must never know and 3rd I'll need a couple of weeks to get the money together!!"

Can't wait . . .

2009-12-04T18:35:00.002Z

So the World Cup draw has been made and England have got USA (12th June), Algeria (18th June) and Slovenia (23rd June).
Got to be happy with that and we should definately be good for the latter stages but being a Bluenose I'm never confident about much.
Just gutted that I forgot the World Cup when booking my hols for next year as I'm away last week May/ First week June and Last week July/ First week August.
If you can't get to the World Cup itself there's nothing better then being in the sun and watching the games from a bar by the beach.
Littleacornman has given me a few tips for turbo sng's so am going to have a go at some of them over the next few days as I think I'm wasting potential cash time on the deep stacks but we'll see how the variance affects me but thanks to Acorn for that anyways.

Joke -

The 7 dwarfs went to meet the Pope.
"Go on Dopey ask him" chant the other 6.
"Okay" said Dopey "Are there any Nuns in Alaska Sir?"
"Yes there are" said the Pope
"Go on Dopey ask him" urge the other 6.
"Are there any black nuns in Alaska Sir?" asks Dopey
"Yes there are" said the Pope.
"Go on Dopey ask him" . .
Dopey blushed "Are there any midget black Nuns in Alaska?"
"No I don't believe there are" said the Pope.
The other 6 dwarfs leap up and down and shout "Dopey shagged a penguin! Dopey shagged a penguin!"

Childish I know lol

Small profits and I support a decent footie team . . .

2009-12-01T18:42:00.002Z

Woohoo - Birmingham are unbeaten in 5 and playing some decent football. It looks as though the defence will throw themselves in front of the ball and battle and in Midfield and upfront we are showing some steel and a bit of quality.
With Wigan away followed by West Ham at home, Blackburn at home and Everton away I can't see any reason to stop the run yet but we will have to wait and see. (Positive thoughts from a normally realistic, "we'll get a kick in the nads soon" pessimistic sod).

On the poker front a small profit of £163 for November which keeps things going in the right direction but could do with a decent score in time for the Xmas drinks marathon thats round the corner.

The weekend went well at Towcester, no big price winners, but ended near enough level apart from the alcohol consumed and it was feckin freezin so we went to the pub after the 4th race. A good day out though so will be going there again when the global warming takes place.

GL all

Joke - (Didn't have one so thought I'd post some golf terms a mate mailed me)

GOLFING TERMS EXPLAINED...LATEST UPDATES

A Sally Gunnell - not pretty but a good runner

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Diego Maradona - a very nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out

A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Cuban - needs one more revolution

An Adolf - two shots in the bunker

A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand

A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect

A Kate Moss - bit thin

A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional

A David Trimble - tentative prod

A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water

An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result

A Peter Mandelson - an unbelievable iron

A Rodney King - over-clubbed

An O.J. Simpson - got away with it

A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good
runner

A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver

A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver

A Robin Cook - just died on the hill

A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs

An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you

A Ken Livingstone - quite far left

A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right

A condom - safe but didn't feel real good

A circus tent - a BIG top

An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it

A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target

. . . . . . and my personal favourite

A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be

Looking forward to a decent weekend . . . .

2009-11-26T12:09:00.004Z

Well hopefully anyway.
Off to Towcester for the horse racing on Saturday. Free to get in and got a hotel in a village about a mile away. Moved back home a couple of weeks ago and everything is hunky dory atm and its Maggies Birthday Saturday. She enjoys going racing so if we get a couple of winners the day might pay for itself. I'll never put her off backing a horse that she picks ("because I like the name of it") as a couple of Boxing Days ago we went to Towcester and the 2nd race there was a horse with form like 000PPFP00P and she put £2 on in it with me laughing and it romped home @ 66's so what do I know?? Even 66's seemed short with 1 leg shorter than the other 3 and the jockey covered in bubble wrap.

On the poker front it was a bugger to get a letter from the publishers of Inside Poker advising that the December issue would be the last (though they are adding my remaining subscriptions copies onto my Poker Player one.) I enjoyed the reading and freerolls (never won one but you keep trying) but I suppose with the internet forums and advice etc along with the training vids it may have been a hard market place. Hopefully Poker Player will keep going for a while yet.

In my last post I mentioned poker tracking software and as luck would have it Poker Player did an summary of it in their December issue. They went for Holdem Manager over Poker Tracker and for the sake of $80 I am planning to buy it in the next few weeks. Not overly sure whether its relevent to SNG's which I mainly play but its not a big amount to lay out and I'm hoping it helps improve my profits.

Think thats enough for now
GL all.

Joke -

The latest Christmas toy has just hit the shops - a talking Muslim doll.
Nobody knows what it says yet as no-ones got the bollocks to pull the cord.

Late edit - Have downloaded Holdem Manager trial version but can't work out how to save my hand history on my hard drive from Will Hill poker. Can anyone help. Have found "save hand history locally" on the system setting option but not sure whether this saves to my hard drive and if so where??
Can anyone help?

Later post - Found it. At least I think I have. . .

Saturday footie . . .

2009-11-21T09:07:00.002Z

Thought I'd do a quick post on this weeks Saturday footie bet as I haven't posted for a fortnight.

I think Birmingham should beat Fulham if we keep playing the way we have against Sunderland, Man City and Liverpool. Fulham are on a fair run themselves but after Ngog's dive at Anfield I hope the referee might be under a bit of pressure from the crowd today and I would even back us to be given a penalty if I could find any odds (I'll have to look on betfair).

Elsewhere I think Sheff Utd should beat Peterborough, Spurs should beat Wigan, Dagenham & Redbridge might beat Rochdale and Leicester should beat Plymouth.

On the poker front I am about £100 up for the month and have changed my routine to SnG's in the week and am having a crack at the larger fields MTT's on Fri/Sat when getting my arse to bed isn't that important as I want a crack at winning a couple of $k for a small lay out.

I have also asked a fellow blogger (microstakes bankroll builder) for some info on how my username (fuktheriva) comes across to anyone who uses software to do searches on the opposition to see if any adjustments should be made as I might be too TAG for my own good at times, but I'll see what he comes back with. I don't use any software myself as I'd rather just play the game and only play part-time but I'm probably losing an edge being so lazy.

Anyways good luck

Joke -

Lady mourning her husband for 4 years finally goes away with a man for a weekend.
On their 1st night she gets naked except for a pair of black knickers.
Fella says "Why the black knickers?"
She replies "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I'm still in mourning".
Next night the same time. Only this time the fella's wearing a black condom.
She asks him "Whats with the black condom?"
He replies "I want to offer you my condolences!!"

A good weekend and not a bad month . . . . .

2009-10-29T17:57:00.003Z

Last weekend went well with Maggie and a break in Devon. We got there Friday, had a decent day out on the beer Saturday watching the Birmingham game and just having a laugh and then just mooched around Sunday and Monday.
Got on so well that it was like the first 10 years of marriage and the last 12 months we agreed were a write off. As opposed to just moving back in straight away we are going to see each other a few times a week for a couple of weeks just to make sure it wasn't a 1 off and then start again if all goes well. A bit of effort and give and take on both parts and there's no reason we can't get back to how we were and Cameron will have a happier life as a result (I hope).

On the poker front I won't be playing much for the next couple of nights so will post my profit of £332 now which is the best I've done in 6 months. The bankroll is now just over £1k but the break has pushed my overdraft and credit cards up due to the extra drinks I've been forced into going out for etc so whenever I get to £1500 I'm going to bank £500 til I'm level again and stick with a £1k bankroll which is easily enough for my levels anyways.

Finally I had a bit of a sickener with a footie bet yesterday. I had a 5 game accy Tues/Weds and needed Juventus and AC Milan to win for a £330 return for £10 which would have made for a decent weekend at least. Both were winning 2-0 at 1 point so I was pretty confident and Juventus went on to batter their opponents and AC were still 2-0 up after 89 minutes. Happy days you would have thought but no. Napoli scored twice in the 90th minute to fuck me over with a marrow. Wankers . . .

Joke (Its shyt so apologies but they seem in short supply at the mo)

Whats the difference between pussy and parsley?
Who the fuck eats parsley??

Edit a better joke . .

2 muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames Barrier.
Police think it may be the start of Ram a Dam!!

Told ya
Good luck

Where to play? . . . . .

2009-10-24T09:47:00.002+01:00

Trying to up my STT buy-ins to $20 as my roll is now just shy of £1k but the problem I am having is that i-poker only have limited traffic and I seem to be up against 50% of the same players in each game. Even though I have got notes, stats on them etc if they are doing the same on me it won't take them long to realise that I'm a proper TAG and not let me maximise my decent hands. (I think they know already).
Over $1k profits showing on Sharkscope (fuktheriva) with decent ROI and recently the profit has shot up but I could do with a site with decent traffic and plenty of fish (Couldn't we all).
As I can't get to grips with cash games the STT are where I want to stay and I don't really want to mix up and change my game as it's been profitable in the stakes I've been playing and every time I try to change I get shafted as my timing is all wrong and people call with any 2 cards and will call all the way down so bluffing seems pointless against these tards.
Any advice would be appreciated.
FT seems an obvious choice but I'm not sure about the standard. I could always stay where I am on the $10 but will feel like I'm mssing out on doubling the return. Also any more than 2 tables at a time and I don't get enough information on the opposition so I end up joining a game every 20 mins. (Maybe I'm the tard lol).

Away in Devon (Brixham) from now til Tuesday with the Wife trying to sort things out so def not going to be playing too much poker (don't want to take the piss) but with being on the beer today and then mooching around until we go home Tuesday hopefully we can just resolve a few issues as our lad is staying with his Nan. I have my negotiating pants on so we'll have to see what happens.

Anyways good luck all.

Joke -

3 men on their honeymoon are talking. Each one reckons he will shag his Wife the most that night. They decide to let each other know the number of times by the amount of toast they order at breakfast the following morning so their Wives don't get suspicious.
The next morning the first man order 3 pieces of toast, the 2nd man orders 4 pieces of toast and looks pleased with himself until the 3rd man shouts "I would like 6 pieces of toast and make 2 of them brown!!"

Pokers not going too bad . . .

2009-10-14T16:50:00.003+01:00

Up about £200 for the month so far and thats with playing less than usual.
Spending alot of time with my lad now that the Wife and I have split up and in all honesty I'm probably doing more with him than when I was at home.
Spent a fair bit of time down at a boating pond near where we live with his remote control boat and he was happy as Larry until people came alonger with bigger, faster boats. I've had a chat with a few of them and their boats cost upwards of £300 so he'll have to wait a bit.
Did get advised to pick up a stealth remote controlled speed boat by one of the blokes as they are more suitable for a 10 year old so that should be a decent surprise for him and keep him a bit happy for at least an hour or so.
He's kicking the crap out of me on his Wii at Mario Karting, boxing and tennis but in turn I'm doing the same to the mate I've moved in with.

Funnily enough the Wife and I have got on sweet since I moved out and have had a few nights out and a couple of meals and are planning a few days away in the Half Term week. If we carry on like this things might not be done and dusted just yet so the break from the antagonism might be just what we needed but there are a few areas that we need to compromise on (time spent playing poker being one of them) so we will see. I'd be more than happy to play loads of volume 2 nights a week and lay off it the rest of the time but I'm not telling her that yet as I've got my own negotiations to put on the table first lol.
Leave it there for now and hopefully will continue to make a few more ££ before the end of the month.

Apologies for the lack of a joke but I haven't had any decent ones recently. Feel free to comment with some of your own.

Good luck all . . . .

Not bad September and mad S/Scope graph . . .

2009-10-01T21:34:00.003+01:00

Not a bad September with a £178 profit and need another few quid to move up to $20 sng's.

I don't subscribe to Sharkscope but always use my free 5 searches and came up with the worst graph I have seen for an opponent today.

The fella,s down almost $150k and is playing a $10 sng.

Pretty sure I'd have taken up another game by now (Conkers, snakes and ladders or snap) in his shoes. I've seen better and worse graphs in mags and large stakes players but never in an opponent of mine.

On a personal front the Wife and I are on a "break" so I'm staying with a mate while we decide whether we sink or swim but as we are only communicating by text atm sinking seems more likely so we will have to see what happens. Thankfully our lad seems okay providing he can still go to his stables each weekend and see me most days so, as he's the priority, not everything is completely fooked up (at least for now).

Joke -

Tourism advert for Wales - The only country that you can get a delicious hot-pot, a warm jumper and a fantastic shag all from one animal.

Glgl

This fooka better win . . . .

2009-09-19T13:23:00.003+01:00

This weeks bet -

Villa 4/11
Cardiff 4/5
Newcastle 4/11
Leeds 4/9
Notts County 5/6
£4 outlay = £35 return on FT coupon and £128 on HT coupon.

3rd attempt at posting my footie bet so would be nice to have a f'in win.
After the local derby last week I don't think Brum would have scored if we had played til Thursday as we didn't seem to have any invention, just grit which will only ever get you a point. To be fair to Villa their defence was top notch and I was hoping that might be their weakness with 3 new players having their debut's.

Poker is just up and down atm but won't be playing for a couple of nights after tonight as I'm off to Hereford for a nights golf break. Looking forward to the afternoon round but after getting smashed on the night the following mornings golf is normally a fookin disaster.

Oh well lets hope the footie bet comes off and Blues can see off Hull.

Post footie edit - Bollox to the betting. WP Blues.

Joke -
How come when your Wife and girlfriend is pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations!" but none of them rub your cock and say "well done!!".

Good luck all.

Weekend footie bet . . . .

2009-09-12T12:19:00.003+01:00

This weeks bet -
Sunderland 7/10
Leicester 4/5
West Brom 4/11
Rotherham 4/7
Forfar 4/5 £4 outlay = £47 return on FT coupon and £174 on HT coupon.

Better relaxation has resulted in a £50 poker profit for the month so far (whoopee do!!) so will hope to keep this up.
Big match tomorrow with the Brum derby. Come on Blues. Work will be a fookin nightmare for the next week or more if we lose so tbh I'll settle for a draw.

Joke -

A new social networking site for battered wives has been launched.
Its called "Twatter!"

GL all

Shyt footie bet and busy times ahead . . . .

2009-09-06T14:38:00.002+01:00

Well the footie bet went down the Swanny so will look forward to next week when the full fixture list returns.
Got a busy time starting again now with the 2nd year of my 3 year foundation degree due to start and my 2nd eldest lad having finished school and starting a bricklaying apprenticeship tomorrow.
Poker will take a backseat for a bit which is fine by me as I think I have been overdoing it for a few weeks and am playing a bit yo-yoish.
Not alot else to report really and will post again after the Blues/Villa game next Sunday, then its anniversary weekend followed by a golf weekend so can't be bad.

Good luck all.

Joke -

Mick is in court for a double murder. The judge says "You are charged with beating your Wife to death with a hammer." Man at the back of the courtroom yells out "Wanker!" The room goes silent. The Judge continues "You are also charged with beating your Wifes lover to death with a hammer". Again the man yells out "You fuckin wanker!!" The Judge having had enough, looks at the man and says "Sir, I can understand your anger at the crime but I will have no further outbursts. If you have something to say, say it now". The man stands up and says "For 15 years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I ask him if I could borrow a fucking hammer the lying wanker said he didn't have one!!"

This weeks footie bet . . . .

2009-09-04T18:15:00.003+01:00

Having won my last couple of weeks footie bets I thought I'd post this weeks before the kick off (and probably fookin jinx myself).

Poker has gone a bit off the boil so could do with a lazy Saturday afternoon doing nothing but watching Gillette Soccer Saturday and the racing and hopefully earn a few quid without the need to concentrate on my laptop screen and save the hassle of donating to the other fish (I think I've become one or maybe I always was).

I cannot give you any massive reason to go along with my picks as all I look at is the league table (which means little after a handful of games) and the team news on BBC sport.

Here goes - (WillHill footie odds) Half time coupon odds in brackets.

Charlton at home to Brentford 8-13 (6-5)
MK Dons at home to Huddersfield 6-5 (15-8)
Aldershot at home to Hereford 10-11 (13-8)
Crewe at home to Macclesfield 8-13 (6-5)
Torquay at home to Bournemouth 11-8 (11-5) or Gillingham at home to Exeter 13-10 (13-8)

Pick up from a £4 on the long list would be £100.79 and £4 on the half time coupon would be £383.51 if you include Gillingham rather than Torquay.

I'm going to have a few quid on both half time and full time coupons but need to make my mind up out of the last 2 fixtures but will probably go for Gillingham.

Joke -

Teacher asks class to name things that end with "tor" that eat things. 1st little boy says "alligator". "Very good that's a big word" . . . 2nd little boy says "predator" . . "Yes, that's another big word" . . . 3rd boy says "vibrator miss". After nearly falling off her chair she says "Thats a big word but it doesn't eat anything!". The lad says "Well my Sisters got one and she says it eats batteries like fuck!!"

Good luck all

Decentish month compared to recent ones . . . . .

2009-08-31T17:22:00.002+01:00

Up just shy of £200 on the poker so not too bad along with approx £400 footie bet profit in the past fortnight.
Sometimes last minute goals go for you (Everton in my bet yesterday) and sometimes against (Spurs vs Blues on Saturday).
Villa are the next visitors in a fortnight and that will be important for local pride as well as the points we will need but tbh we look quite organised at the minute and it was difficult to assess Villa yesterday against a very poor Fulham performance yesterday.
Not much else to report tbh but am saving my footie betting slips until I need the cash when the shift allowance dries up this month.

GL All.

Joke -

The Mother of Caster Semenya, Womens 800m World Champion, has expressed her outrage at her Daughter having to undergo a gender test.
She said, "This is a complete kick in the bollocks for my Daughter!"

Not a bad start . . . .

2009-08-20T15:24:00.004+01:00

Decent result for Birmingham last night vs Pompey. The penalty may have been controversial but David James was a bit naïve to put himself in the situation that led to it imo. Spurs might be the team on the up on the look of the early season form. Fair enough its only 2 games but they look well organised and potent up front and though you can’t win anything early doors you can certainly make costly errors that cost you in the end and they must be massively confident at the moment.

On the poker front I seem to be on a heater of sorts with the $10 DYM’s and got a 7th last night in the WillHill SuperSeries winning $141 for an $8 outlay so happy about that. With a bit of luck and continued form I’m hoping to move up to the $20 DYM’s by the end of September if not before.
Tbh I’m not sure whether I’m doing the BRM thing the right way but as soon as I get to my next target (£750) I am going to move up whether the roll has come from STT’s or MTT’s. As far as I’m concerned I have just 1 roll so can move up when I can afford it. Is this correct?
I am thinking of playing some live poker at the Grosvenor Walsall at some point after seeing an article in the Inside Poker magazine and fancy the £20 freezeout on a Saturday night but am a bit put off as it is self dealt and I have only ever played live in a social club environment or home game so am not overly confident in the dealing stakes and will probably make a few errors. It is something I am interested in getting into though so might just go and have a look to begin with.

The decent thing about online poker games though is that if you get knocked out you can find another in a couple of minutes and whereas with live poker I could be sitting around for a while railing whoever I go with as I won’t drive as I like a tot.

As a final point UKGatsby has done a cracking post If Carlsberg done Footballers On Facebook :) and its well worth a look.

That will do for now. Good luck.
Joke –

Paddy and Mary went to counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked about the problems Mary had a list of issues, neglect, loneliness, unloved etc. Afterwards the therapist got up, walked around his desk, asked Mary to stand up and then unbuttoned her blouse, caressed her breasts and kissed her while Paddy watched.
"This is what your Wife needs 3 times a week" the therapist said, "Can you manage that?"
Paddy thought about it for a minute and said "I can drop her off on Mondays and Wednesdays but on Fridays I play golf".

C'mon you Blues . . . . .

2009-08-15T08:07:00.002+01:00

At last the new football season is here and the chance to see decent football at St Andrews (for a season at least).

A dream season would see Birmingham champions by 6 points, Villa relegated with the lowest ever points total, me winning a football bet and no injuries to the England squad prior to the World Cup.

In reality it will be a dour struggle with McCleish already making excuses for his probable failure with the lack of spends he has had (£20m) and saying he needs more players. In all honesty he may well do but ffs get on with it and stop clouding things with your negativity.
Villa will probably do okay though they have spent jack shit and haven't replaced Barry.
My football bets always fuck up but I'll post them each week so you know who to avoid.

My shift work finishes next week which on the negative sees me lose the 25% shift allowance, work no more nights (I quite liked them with no top brass around), spend more time in rush hour traffic.
However on the positive I can spend more time with the family, try not to look so tired (my eyes look so black underneath I look like a panda) and have every weekend free.

Thats enough for now and poker is slowly getting better thank fook.

Joke -

Bloke marries a deaf girl and says "We need a code for sex. I'll squeeze your left tit if I want it and you pull my cock once for yes and 253 times for no".

GL

Cracking Holiday but . . . . . . . .

2009-08-11T14:07:00.001+01:00

Still playing like a twunt as has been proven on my return.
My Sharkscope graph has taken a right hammering so I have decided to try and continue to play the SnG's until the end of August and if there is no improvement then go back to MTT's as that was where I seemed to fair better before WillHill moved to iPoker.

If anyone wants a cheap holiday destination you can't do much better than Turkey as they are not in the EU and you can still get a large beer for 1.5 YTL or 65p in some places and even when they go up after 9:30pm it is only £1.50 which is a lot cheaper than the Eurozone. Add 40 degree temperatures, good food and a swimming pool and you can't go far wrong (unless you have 10+ pints in the morning, sunbathe without your hat or lotion on and then go for a swim, in which case you might feel a bit ropey).

Oh well back to trying to find the winning habit. GL all

Joke -

A boy catches his Mom and Dad having sex and asks "What are you doing?".

His Dad replies "Making you a Brother or Sister".

The little boy says "Do her doggy. I want a puppy!".

Hmmm losing streak but . . . .

2009-07-24T18:09:00.002+01:00

I'm going on holiday so thank fook for that at least.
Have lost over $100 playing DYM S&G's since going up a level. Don't get me wrong the standard is no different I've just been playing like a twat who is constantly on tilt so a fortnights break with alot a sun and swimming is just what I need and when I get back I'll try and recover the losses.
Quick post as its not overly positive and will hopefully rectify that in a few weeks.

Good luck . .

Joke -
An Irishmen cleaning his rifle accidentally shot his Wife and dialled 999.
Paddy "Its my Wife. I've accidentally shot her. I think I've killed her!"
Operator "Please calm down Sir. Can you first make sure that she's really dead?"
CLICK, BANG!
Paddy "Okay done. Now what!!?"

Treading water personally . . . .

2009-07-15T06:53:00.002+01:00

But we're down to the last 27 in the WSOP meaning that the minimum the people going back for day 8 will recieve will be $352k but more importantly the day will play down to final 9.
From a Brit point of view we have 1 left in James Akenhead (http://www.pokerhitsquad.com/) so will be railing him from afar via http://www.pokernews.com/wsop/2009/event-57/ live updates to see if he can make it to the November 9.
A decent shout also need to go out to fellow blogger Chuck Clark (A Year in the Life) who came a more than very respectable 115th for $40k and who I lived the dream through until he bust out on Day 6. Well done Sir.

On a personal level I have played 50 of the $10 turbo DYM and have won just 6 more than I have lost and only the rake has kept me level but am going to plough on regardless.
I have found that playing when you are calm and collected seems to put you in a better mindset than when you are pissed and just had a ruck with the Mrs!!! So with this in mind I am going to avoid the Mrs to safeguard my poker. (That might not be the right way round)

Enough for now.
Good luck to James Akenhead in his quest for the November 9.

Joke -

Builder on the 3rd floor forgot to bring his saw up with him. He shouts down to his mate but he can't hear him so he does sign language. He points to his eye (I), his knee (need) and moves hand back and forth in a saw motion.
His mate nods, pulls down his pants and starts wanking furiously.
The builder runs down the ladders as quick as he can and shouts "What the fuck are you doing?? I said I need my saw!!"
"I know" said his mate. "I was just letting you know I was coming!!"

Chin up..

Time to move up a level......

2009-07-07T14:38:00.006+01:00

fuktheriva (iPoker)

Okay so it's nothing major but I have stuck to the bankroll management principles and have got to the stage where I can play $10 STT's. Took time to get there in all honesty and rakeback helped push it there at times. However as my Sharkscope graph shows I am gradually making a profit. Am hoping that the profits come a bit quicker at the new level but have noticed that these tables can be slower to fill on Hills or at least were last night.

Other than that not alot to blog about really but have just over 2 weeks to my next holiday so am looking forward to that and would like to be holding my own at the new level without having to drop back down. Not massive stakes obviously but I would like to get there eventually if I can.

Good luck and have fun.

Joke -

Police in London are in trouble again. They have shot a busload of Thalidomide Muslims who were suspected of bringing small arms into the country.

End of month - Small profit

2009-06-29T08:28:00.002+01:00

Small profit of £70 for June with a couple of days to go but will +/- anything to July.
Thanks to all those who commented on my previous post. No decision will be taken lightly and there is along way to go on both sides to make amends.

On the poker front things are going on the back burner as that is one of the issues (Too much time playing and not enough time communicating and I can'y really have too many arguments with that).

Will be limiting myself to WillHill SuperSeries and a couple of STT's on other nights to cut down a little.

Cracking weather atm so need to be taking full advantage of that and would like to lie in the garden but need to work on it first as sun, rain, sun, rain is feckin brilliant conditions for growing weeds obviously and imo it is either too wet to mow the lawn etc or too sunny to spend time doing it. Oh well better get my arse into gear before I find a Attenborough in there.

Hope all is well with you all . . .

Joke of sorts -

A story with a moral . . .
Blokes girlfriend calls him round to her house one day and he finds her Sister alone in the house. She was unbelievably sexy and wearing nothing but a negligee.
She whispered in his ear "I have feelings for you, please make love to me just once."
He turned to the door and ran out to his car.
He was amazed to see his girlfriend sitting on his bonnet and she ran towards him and flung her arms around him and said "I love you so much and will always trust you after today!!"
Moral - It is always best to keep your condoms in your car and not in your pocket!!.

Good luck

Relationships…..

2009-06-27T02:23:00.002+01:00

OK I am throwing this question out because –

a) None of you know me personally and therefore have no preconceived ideas
b) None of my mates know I do a blog and are not that interested in poker anyways.
c) I hope to get an honest perspective
d) If anyone is just giving shit advice I would hope to have the nous to recognise it ( but you never know)
e) I’ve had a tot and it seems like a good idea

So the question is (and it is probably longwinded due to ale))

Would you finish a relationship even though it meant a slightly worse standard of living for your Wife and 10 year old ( particularly upsetting for the 10 year old due to the upheaval and upset in his life, he is absolutely paramount) and yourself if you were not happy?
I’m not on about just slightly aggrieved, more getting slowly ground down, more on a personal level rather than through your Wife’s fault or absolutely anything to do with your Son.
Selfish as it sounds I am a firm believer in “You only live once” and being 40+ years of age etc etc etc.
My lad is paramount in my thoughts but I know we will see each other ¾ times a week and he will be doted on and be given a level upbringing.
The thing is and this is a bit fooked up but I like my house and we have an apartment in Turkey so we would have to split the equity which would leave us with a few quid but am thinking of sacrificing all this for a “potential” happier existence.

TBH I have already left a couple of times only to miss my home comforts and Cameron and I know it is hurting Maggie as she loves me and it is killing her confidence for which I am not proud as she had it in abundance.

My lad knows there is something up and surely he deserves a contented upbringing even if there is grief in the (hopefully) short term or is it the case that you stay together for the sake of the kids.

By the way I’m on my second marriage and have 2 kids by the first and we get on like mates more than father/son but that can have its benefits as they tend to listen more than my mates kids do.

This sounds worse as I write it tbh but will put it out there anyways but may delete it tomorrow…

No joke with this post so apologies if you keep up with the blog for that alone.

Who needs mates like Uri Geller .......

2009-06-26T17:01:00.003+01:00

Michael Jackson is no more -

This post isn't particularly about that even though he was fantastic in his day and a genius with his music and choreography.

No, this post is about Uri Geller, a fella who professes to have been best mates with Jacko, but who gave the most disrespectful interview that I saw last night while at work.

First of all he says he's speechless but then goes on and on inanely about how Michael didn't have a childhood etc and felt that this had affected him badly. Secondly he says that Michael had had far more operations than is widely known and then and this is the worst of the worst he says Now I probably shouldn't say this but Michael had the operations so that he would not look like his Dad or words to that effect.

FFS the fella had been dead for a couple of hours and you expect glowing references music wise not vicious gossip that affects the whole clan. He only needed to mention the court cases and he would have filled his boat.

So fair play to MJ, who was after all never found guilty by a court of law, just the media but if you have any mates like the fuckwit Geller give them a smack as you may pop your clogs before them so might as well get in first.

Joke -

Man in a bar orders 10 double whiskies which he downs in one.
Barman says "What up mate?"
Bloke says " I just found out my youngest Son is gay!"
The following day he is back in the bar and orders 15 double whiskies which he downs in one.
Barman says "Whats happened now?"
Bloke says "I just found out my oldest Son is gay!"
The next day he's back and orders 20 doubles
The barman says "Fuck me does no-one in your house like pussy?"
Fella says "The Wife does apparently!!!!"

Good luck

New stat on Sharkscope....

2009-06-23T19:46:00.003+01:00

A new stat has appeared on Sharkscope, Ability/ 100.
I apparently have an ability of 62/100 so am probably just above average which is fair enough and can now work to improve my graph, ROI, total profit and ability which should all tie in together anyways.
Am hoping to be able to move up to the next level, $10, for STT's in the next week as I need just £60 to be able to do this. Bankroll management is a pain in the arse but I am enjoying the challenge of it and when my roll gets to circa £1500 will start to withdraw £500 when I get to £2000 to pay some bills off. This is probably some way off but it's a nice thought and something to aim for.

At the moment the WillHill Super Series is very good value as it is half price and the prizepool is roughly double the buyins and you get approx 3 x your stake for just making the money so with a small layout there can be decent prospects. They run Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday with the bigger buyins (if you can call them that) on the Sunday and Monday. The Sunday tourney kicks off at 18:00GMT and the others at 19:30GMT. Not advertising for them but just saying there is value to be had.

Thats it for now

Joke -

A man suspected his Wife of straying, so he hired Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to report any activity while he was away. Days later he recieved this report ..........
Most honourable Sir, You leave house, I watch. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go in hotel, I climb tree, I look in window.
He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. He play with she, she play with he. I play with me, I fall off tree, I no see. No fee. Chen Lee.

Good luck all

Only been back 5 days.....

2009-06-12T14:24:00.002+01:00

But I feel like I haven't had a holiday at all.
The holiday was a good laugh with lots of rest (re-read a couple of poker books), beer and sun.

It was nice to have a rest from poker and re-evaluate how much time I spend with the family.
All in all with my change of working hours fast approaching I will have more time to spend playing poker but intend to keep to the hours I currently play and use the rest of the time to teach my lad footie and cricket and whatever else he wants to know. He has only just got into football at the age of 10 and is a bit behind his mates who have been playing for a few years so I want to help him with his control etc as he tends to just hoof the ball at the moment so is currently eligible for the Birmingham defence.

My current aims regarding poker are just to make profit so that I can move up the STT levels, however long it takes, as I am finding the game as a whole harder to beat and the MTT's take too long to complete on i-poker so can't forsee any decent size 1 off wins like the 3/4 I had last year.

Good luck all and to the Brits at the WSOP.

Joke......

Rev John Flapps sees a lady church member getting drunk in the pub. He tries to take her back to her home but they fall and he lands on top of her.
The landlord says "Hey mate you can't do that in here!!"
The Rev replies "You don't understand. I'm Pastor Flapps".
The Landlord says "Oh well. If you're that far in you might as well finish."

Holiday and a rest here we come.....

2009-05-21T16:28:00.002+01:00

The time has come for a nice relaxing fortnights holiday starting Sunday. First of the years 2 trips to Turkey and I can't wait.

The first year of my Foundation Degree has finished and I’m glad to say I have enjoyed it and am quite looking forward to the 2nd year. (Looking forward to the 4 month break more though).
Poker seems to be a bit up and down but have posted a £130 profit for May so am £130 up for the year as I’ve been level so far which at least keeps the bankroll alive.

With poker it seems as though just as I think I’ve cracked something I realise I might not have. I think I need to be more aggressive on the 10 player STT’s when there are 5/6 left but keep getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar so I might read up on these when I’m away.
Have played a couple of the Super Series on WillHill and got a FT in the smallest of them but with the new ipoker skin all the other MTT’s seem to go on for hours which is no good when you still have a day job.

Finally I got called into a meeting last week to be told that the firm need an experienced Team Leader doing permanent day shifts as we had won more work and the business did not want to commit to new headcount in the current climate. Suffice to say that they had re-jigged my Out Of Hours shift which sees 2 Shift Leaders do permanent nights and report into me so that I am not needed on nights anymore. Sounds fooking marvellous apart from the fact that from 1st September I will no longer receive shift allowance so bang goes 25%. Wounded? Yes just slightly but I could see it coming so no major shock and to be fair they only had to give us 1 months shift allowance in leiu and they have given 3 months so not all bad.

Still very positive all in all as there are plenty being made redundant at the moment and it gives me more time with the family and to settle into a better sleep pattern which might help with the concentration when I fire up the lappy.

Think I’ve wittered on enough and I need to pack my speedos.

Joke –

What do clouds and women have in common?
Once they’ve fooked off it’s usually a nice day.

Good luck

Gav

A positive post......

2009-05-09T09:22:00.005+01:00

First of all the mighty Birmingham City are back where they belong (for a season at least). A good result and performance against Reading and we were up. Be interesting to see what we do in the close season and who we get in to help with the survival bid but I'd rather be playing Man U, Liverpool, Arsenal and of course Villa than Barnsley, Forest etc.

On the poker front things are looking up as well. (My Will Hill name is fuktheriva)
I have found a $5 STT tourney that I can beat at the moment. Its called a double stack and all I seem to have to do is sit there, wait for big hands and then bet whatever I feel like (always seems to be at least one caller). I just have to remember not to play marginal hands.
There is no skill involved til you are near the bubble which suits me just fine at the moment.
I have attached my Sharkscope graph as it stands (+$100) and the negative element was when I was getting used to the game and trying to work out a system that would win. I've currently got a 23% av. ROI which is pretty decent.

My question that I would like an answer on is how many BI do I need to up the stakes to the $10
games? Am happy enough with the $5 ones but want to maximise without putting my bankroll at risk as this in itself affects my play.

Finally I had a little £4 5 timer on the footie with draws in the Preston, Scunthorpe, Fulham, Hull and Millwall games this weekend which pays out a whopping £1161.85 and with the first 2 drawing last night there are todays 3 games to go so wish me luck.

Nice to write a positive post and if I can sort out the bankroll question I can see positive results ahead if I don't need to worry about playing at the correct levels.

Joke -
Man in bedroom shouts through to his girlfriend... " come into the bedroom and see my clock".
She enters the room and he is lying on the bed with a massive erection.
She says "Thats not a clock". Bloke replies "It will be when you put 2 hands and a face on it!"

Good luck all...

Noddy...

2009-05-01T19:08:00.002+01:00

Oh how I wish I was decent enough at poker to warrant an invite to join the Black Belt grading.
One day maybe….
I think I need to set up a new grading system (Noddy Belt perhaps) where you play for the first 4 months of the year and just about break even and sometimes wonder why you’re not losing more when your playing like a twat and spend an equal time wondering why you’re not winning more when you are on top of your game.
TBH with the poker being on the net where you also find the porn sites I reckon I would have trouble putting in 6 hours of play with out the essential wank and the shuteye that automatically occurs afterwards. It might take me 3 days to do 1 days worth of hours.
Does live poker count? (For the grading not the wanking)
I have been playing the very small cash games in the past few days having seen some of the hands posted by fellow bloggers but know I am playing too tight. I see what others are betting and calling with on all streets on the tables I play and the mind boggles. They also seem to call any raise now matter how many times the blind pre so I reckon I need to stay as I am (maybe a tad looser) and just bet like a maniac when I get something.
April was another level month and I have 3 weeks of my part-time Uni course left before a 4 month break where I aim to put in the hours that I did before and hope for a positive outcome.
I also go on my hols in 3 weeks and am planning to take some poker vids to watch which can’t do any harm as I’ll be wearing my balls as earrings if I even think about playing poker while we are away.

Oh well – Good luck to all those going through the grading and an equal amount to the rest of us.

Joke –

The US, UK and Ireland all conducted studies into why the head of the penis was thicker than the shaft. The US found it was to give a man more pleasure during sex, the UK found it was to give the woman more pleasure during sex and the Irish found it was to stop a mans hand flying off and hitting him in the face!!

Hmmmm…….

2009-04-25T19:49:00.002+01:00

Haven’t posted for a couple of weeks mainly due to nothing happening.
Poker is just stagnant at the moment and I am still level for the year and just can’t get things moving forward which is a tad annoying.
The positive to take out of it is that I am not losing but looking back on the last couple of years I have been a couple of £k up by now and in all honesty I could do with the money to pay a couple of bills. Not to worry I’ll keep trying.

I was hoping to post to celebrate Birmingham City’s promotion but it all went awry following numb nuts Bowyer’s sending off and tbh I think we can still beat Reading as the pressure is off away from home but we will have to wait and see.
Got to be said though we have not been playing decent football all season except for the odd game and a lot of fans have been more than a little pissed off with the standard on offer.
If we do go up we might as well order the parachute while the silk industry is in recession.
When we do I might offer Steve Holden a proposition that I pay him a quid for every goal Villa score against us in the local Derby and he can give me a grand for every goal we score against them.
Not sure though as he might consider it an easy tenner.
But as he’s Vile (Villa) through and through you never know lol.

Oh well that’s all for now. Good luck all …..

Joke ..

After complaints, the makers of Cluedo have made a new beginners version. It includes a black male character, so now you only have to work out how and where he did it.

Keep smiling.

Golfing away day....

2009-04-04T11:02:00.005+01:00

Had a cracking away day/night golf at Farthingstone (near Daventry) in the week with an afternoon round of golf followed by an evening meal (with 4 free pint vouchers -woohoo) and then a morning round of golf with my Dad and his mates. Now tbh you would think that with me having 20 years on them I'd be able to take the game with no problems. No fookin chance!!
I'm not very good anyways but given that I was lumping an 8 iron further than my 1 wood and that I was missing putts from 3 foot it just dissolved into the rest taking the piss mercilessly which tbf is the way it always goes anyways as we are all a bunch of piss-takers. Everyone then has a few jars with tales of their youth which are always good to hear and obv bring back memories for them and gives me an insight into what my Dad and his mates got up to (nothing bad but just funny stories of holidays, trips to the Rugby and various scrapes etc).
One particular story had me in bits when they were at a France/England game in Paris and had all had a fair few scoops. One of my Dad's mates (Mick) mis-reads a wine list and didn't quite note a couple of zero's on the cost of a bottle of wine in Francs. The wine then arrived and when they realised it was a £200 bottle of wine rather than the usual £5 plonk Duncan (Micks Brother) realises the error and starts calling him a twat etc which quickly descended into a drunken fisticuffs between the pair while the rest of the party try to split them up. Needless to say in the kerfuffle the table goes over and the £200 bottle of wine with it which smashed all over the floor so no-one had so much as a snifter of it. Thankfully the owner did not call the Gendarmerie (prob spelt wrong) and it was all forgotten about after a couple more bottles of the cheap stuff.
The next trip is planned for September at Belmont Lodge near Hereford http://www.belmont-hereford.co.uk/ The deals you can get in the current economic climate are great. September will be the same scenario with bed, breakfast and evening meal and 2 rounds of golf for £45.

On the poker front I haven't done alot as I am trying to play micro cash to build my roll slowly rather than go bust on MTT's. If I can stop the rot I'll be happy.

Joke -

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him and said "My name is Carmen". "Beautiful name" he replies.
"Yes, I gave it to myself as it reflects my 2 favourite things - cars and men" she winks.
"Whats your name?"
"Beercunt!" was his reply.

Hope things are going well for you.

Fook March....

2009-04-01T08:53:00.003+01:00

Well that was shit and caned my roll so going to have to build again....
- £180 for the month and with just over £200 left I am going to have to be careful.
Not going to whinge as its been a combo of shyt play and the odd bad one thrown in just to piss me off.

Joke -

A Welsh farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "This is the pig that I have to fuck when you're not up for sex!" His Wife says "I think you'll find that is a sheep". He says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"

Good luck

My Son needs to grow up........

2009-03-28T10:47:00.004Z

Got a text from my 2 older lads Mom yesterday afternoon (rarely good news) advising that there had been a bit of a drama and Callum had been arrested.
Rang up to find that the Police had done a spot check on him and found 11 wraps of weed so had arrested him for possession with intent to supply. I should point out at this point that he is 15. I rang the Police Station and advised that I would act as appropriate adult and they advised that he had requested a Duty Solicitor and that I should be at the station in a couple of hours. Went round to see his Mom and she was in bits as the Police had stomped round and turned his room over to try and find either more drugs or paraphenalia (prob spelt wrong). Anyways there was nothing found but with 2 younger kids and the worry of knowing that this is a bit more than his normal piss taking she was in bits. I don't think kids realise the affects and impacts their behaviour has on others. He does now btw as I made sure that we all sat down and said our piece (his piece was alot shorter than ours naturally).
However the Duty Solicitor was the best decision he's made for a while as he not only advised him the best way to answer the questions to minimise any charges, not put himself in any strife by advising he did not want to divulge where he bought it from and get away from the intent to supply element but also advised him of the sort of sentence he can expect should he continue along this path as he had had numerous clients who had followed this route.
Tbh Callum was shocked and even though he said it had been for his own personal use I don't think any of us believed him but he still denies that it was for anything other than himself and provided the seriousness sinks in then we might as well draw a line under it.
Now some of you might wonder why I'm not banging on about the fact that he smokes the shit but tbh even though his Brother had told me that he had the odd smoke we had had the drink, drugs, smoke chat and you can't follow them everywhere and this situation sort of trumped the smoking issue anyway.
Anyways with the solicitors help the senior police bods decided that it was best all round to give him a reprimand which I hope has done the trick. If it happens again he is a fookin idiot as the solicitor told him and the custody officer agreed that he will be getting stopped and searched alot more in future as they will feel it is fully justified.
On the way home I checked that he did not owe anyone for the said bags of weed and that no-one was putting him under any pressure and did the fatherly chat thing about what sort of people drug dealers are and that they would think nothing of hurting him to make a point to others.

Moody post I know but life ain't just poker which is shit by the way.

Joke -

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be? The man says "A premature ejaculation ." "What?" says the woman. The man says "I've just come in my pants."

First impressions of ipoker.....

2009-03-22T20:58:00.002Z

Okay so the change-0ver has happened...

I am posting this as the platform has gone down and I can't get on (bit of a pisser as I can see my monicker on the Bluesq site gradually blinding away. Oh well should get the stakes back with a bit of luck and half decent customer service)

Anyways on the plus side there is decent traffic which I need to get used to as playing against 1500+ rather than 200+ has cost me a few quid but as I wasn't winning anyway and was expecting a transitional loss so be it. Do you approach playing larger fields in the same way. I'm a natural TAG until I get bored and then I'm a natural twat.

On the negative I rather liked crypto as you could upload your own pic and sort of personalise stuff and it was an advantage knowing your opponents as you played them day in day out.

These are my first thoughts anyways...

Joke..

An Irish woman has just been kicked off Who Wants To Be A Millionaire for masterbating. She did'nt quite grasp the fastest finger first. :)

Hope your doing well

Gav

New WillHill table name....

2009-03-18T23:02:00.003Z

Just downloaded the new WillHill ipoker software and as with others my original username had been taken.

I will now be know as fuktheriva (Bit apt really with current suck outs and its just asking for comments).

Good luck

Joke -

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen" she said. " Beautiful name" he replies. " Yes I gave it to myself as it reflects my two favourite things - Cars and men" she winks. "Whats your name?"
"Beercunt!" was the reply.

Short post.....

2009-03-17T10:33:00.003Z

.. Things are much the same on the poker front regarding on a downswing and now level(ish) for the year. The difference between this and the last post is that I am getting them in ahead the majority of the time and getting beat but can take a bit of positive in the fact that my judgement is coming back (not much tho as I am still getting beat).
I feel my game is all about confidence but when you are confident that the turn and river will fook you it's not quite the confidence you need.
Anyways bollox to this I will just have to keep going and wait until things turn in my favour.

Got mailed this clip which is an inspiration.

Joke -

Delivery man breaks down on the M4 so he flags Paddy down. He says to him "I've got 6 monkeys in the back of my van. I'll give you £100 if you'll take them to Bristol Zoo for me". Paddy agrees. 2 hours later he sees Paddy driving the other way with the monkeys still in the back! He flags him down and shouts across "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?" Paddy says "I did but we had £30 left so I'm taking them to the pictures!!"

Shit happens......

2009-03-08T21:39:00.002Z

But why so fookin often lol.
Thing is I'm bringing it all on myself by playing p1ssed, tired or both.
Have posted more than once to remind myself not to do it but when the world is blurry its difficult to read let alone play pokerage.

Oh well. Short post as I need another beer.....

Joke -

Two gay men were in a dark alley when a policeman shone his torch into it. One of them ran off but the policeman grabbed the other. "You dirty bastard. If I'd of caught your mate I would have shoved my truncheon right up his arse". A voice from the alley called out "Yoohoo I'm behind the wheelie bin".

And so to March.....

2009-03-02T17:13:00.002Z

Very slow month in February with about a £50 profit which equates to about 50p an hour. If this carries on I will have to invade the Asian markets and start sewing footballs or boots to supplement my play.

The best enjoyment I am having in the poker atm is playing the Apat online National League where I have been in the Birmingham team. TBH the format and banter is a good craic and it makes me concentrate as I feel that the team might be reliant on me for a few points here and there. The games are only every other Sunday and I managed a 3rd yesterday which got me a few $ and helped the team get to joint top of the league. If anyone out there plays in the Central league I play under the moniker SOTV1875 so say hello.
Other than that I just seem to be plugging away and then donking my chips off when I get bored in MTT's or fooking up STT's even though I know the correct standard format to play.

Anyways a relatively short post.
Hope you are all enjoying yourselves...

Joke:-

Woman buys a wall mirror from B&Q. The Manager says "Do you want a screw for that?"
"No" she said "but I'd suck your cock for a lawn mower!!"

Night shift post....

2009-02-20T03:41:00.001Z

Not alot happening tonight so I thought I'd do a quick post.

Not a fat lot happening on the poker this week. Probably done about £50 on MTT's without getting close but my chest has cleared up and I'm feeling alot better.

One of the things about working shifts is that you get a fair few days off in the week and I have become hooked on Homes Under The Hammer over the past few months (where they see how much different properties go for at auction and what the new owners do to them before selling or renting the property out and what profit was in it).

It has got to the stage where tbh I want to have a go at it. Given that you are getting jack shit on any savings and there are some bargains to be had, even though house prices have probably not got as low as they will yet, it seems like there could be a few quid to be made.I have worked out how the financing works on auction properties and that you remortgage once the work is completed and though I wouldn't be interested in anything major regarding refurbishments, a lick of paint, new kitchen and bathroom (potentially having to move the bathroom upstairs) etc seems the way forward with a terraced house etc.

One slight snag with my master plan is that I don't come from a building background so fitting a kitchen and bathroom could be tad difficult especially when I have to google how to change a fookin light bulb. However with mates in different trades I am planning to get a couple of them to put a few bob and their expertise in to see whether it can be done. Going out with a few of them next weekend for an all dayer so I reckon I should have a 10 minute window to sell the idea before the first shots go down and everything goes to rat shit.

There are probably still a shed load of things I need to consider but I went to see a terraced house yesterday which an old dear had had which has a guide price of £35-£40k and have searched the prices of houses sold on the same road and they were going for £90k 12 months ago. Even with the downturn they won't have lost 50% so even if things don't happen straight away I reckon the idea itself has its merits.

Oh well just thought I'd post it to look back on in 6 months and see whether I have got my finger out my arse for a change.

GL all

Joke -

Whats the difference between woman and a condom............

Fuck all.. When they're not on your cock they're in your wallet.

Shit but the best I've got.

Another little un.....

2009-02-13T23:12:00.004Z

3rd small MTT win of the year and its the 3rd £2 MTT that started at 8pm. This is the time I start playing most nights as my Son goes to bed at 8pm. Still not had a fag but have got a chest infection so even if I was still smoking I wouldn't want one anyways. I have coughed that much my chest feels like its been kicked by a horse and the cough medicine mixed with the cough sweets has given me the wind something terrible/terrific (Depending on whether you are the Wife or me). One problem though with having terrible wind and a chest infection is that it has to be said, occasionally, you are hoping that that last one was just wind with nothing thrown out as well. Hope you are also having some luck on the virtual or real felt..

Gav

Joke -

Bought myself a new deodorant today. Instructions said "Take off top and push up bottom" Still in casualty at the moment but my farts smell nice.

Giving up smoking......

2009-02-10T09:39:00.005Z

Having read UKgatsby that he has given up smoking I thought I would log my experiences in trying to do this. I have currently not had a fag for 4 weeks and atm it is going easily as I paid the Dr the prescription charge and he is giving me a weekly pack of patches for 8 weeks. Have been for the odd pint which has been the hardest bit but other than that with the snow the past week or so I have had a laugh at the others who have been dithering in the shed at work.

I do hope this works but having given up for 18 months a few years ago only to start again during the last World Cup I know that I can't afford to have even 1 more smoke or I'll be off again and when you hit the big 40 whether you mean to or not you do think what you can do to maximise your time on the mortal coil.

When I gave up for the 18 months I went with a mate to a hypnotherapist and even though he did not put me under, for the reasons given below, the images he described were very graphic so I gave up anyway.
When we went to the hypnotherapist I went in first and he started talking about the known health hazards of smoking and then the impact that it has on your nearest and dearest. Tbh it shit me up to think about the potential outcomes. He then said he was going to relax every muscle in my body while he transferred these thoughts into my mind. The only problem was I was dying for a piss and thought to myself "If I relax every muscle in my body it's going to get a bit messy!!" He had already started so I closed my eyes as he had asked and just waited for it to end. He knew I had not been under as my eyeballs were moving around under my eyelids as I was thinking about different stuff. Didn't matter though as the images were enough to put me off. Before my mate went in I had considered trying to bribe the hypnotherapist to get my mate to have a wank every time he wanted a fag. (My mate had said he liked a fag at work and over a pint). I figured it would never happen but funnily enough my mate had called him before the appointment to try and bribe him into making me quack like a duck if I thought about a fag. Would have been the maddest conversation ever the following weekend if we had both bribed him and were trying to work out why our careers were up the Swanee and why my mate was having to sign a register each week.

Oh well that's it. Bugger all happening poker wise and back on nights tonight so will probably just play a 2 quidder MTT as I can work at the same time.

Joke -

One day a long time ago in a land far far away lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch. But it was just one day and a fucking long time ago.

2nd win of the year (a bigger one will come).....

2009-02-06T22:55:00.004Z

Happy enough to have another win, though as with the first it is just a tiddler. Trying to use the correct bankroll management is a pain but providing the roll keeps going in the right direction then I might be able to start posting better (larger £$£$) results.

Used my previous posting (01/02/09) small stakes MTT rules in this and went from 1500 to 4500 chips in the first 4 hands when AKos and JJ held up against different opposition and then to total obscurity for over an hour when I did not get any sort of hand, only to have a bit of luck when 19th of 20 and then it was relatively plain sailing. The main aim of the rule is to stop wasting time as much as anything.

On a different subject but still gambling related is something I spotted on raisetheriver which is matched betting. The link it refers to is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/sho ... l?t=577362 I need to read into this in alot more detail but tbh the general idea is that you can take advantage of bookie firms free bets to basically get free money by laying the same bet on betfair. This has got to be better than grinding for hours on end :). Anyways I am not endorsing this but it is defo of interest to me so I thought it might be to you.

GL all .. Gav

Joke...

A ship sinks with only 3 survivors; Darren, David and Daisy. They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But Daisy feels so bad about having sex with both of them she kills herself. The boys are sad but they get over it and, again, nature takes its course. After a few more months the lads feel really bad about what they are doing......................

So they bury her....

Sicko

Losing again....but this time its a snowball fight...

2009-02-03T08:46:00.004Z

On nights this week so it could be viewed as a slight ball ache when you get a text from your lads school asking you to pick him up at 1.30 because of the snow and then close the school for the following day. However due to the fact that there is nothing I can do about it and can grab a couple of hours sleep at work anyway my lad and I made the most of the snow yesterday. It started by trying to build a snowman but after shovelling the snow into a pile in the front garden it was just a 3 ft pile and he had already buggered off to throw snowballs with a couple of other kids that live on our grove. Then one of the little gits threw one at me and it then went a bit mad for an hour. The other kids said it should be them vs me and Cam who, not as quietly as he would have liked, whispered that he would pretend to be on my side but help them get me???(so much for family fookin loyalty lol).
So at this point it was 3 v 1 and they had it well organised with making loads of snowballs and storing them but I had my nice fresh 3 ft pile of crappy snowman. Then another lad turned up and joined them. Now in my day if you wanted a game you would ask which side to go on but he just smacked me with a snowball to the side of the head and it appears the decision was made.
However I had my fun too with them being so busy yapping about what their game plan was they didn't notice me creeping (40 year old commando style) to pelt the crap out of them and get some self respect back.
After an hour I made my excuses regarding running a bath and doing the tea and left them to it.
I felt like a kid again at the time but now feel about 50 as I am aching from the umpteen snowballs I took, the half dozen muppety fall overs and aforementioned commando tactics.
Working again tonight and he has just asked if we can do snowballs and sledging again today. F'in marvellous but might as well make the most of it as this is the most snow we've had since I was a kid.

Good luck all

Gav

Joke -

Bloke holds a party where each guest has to come dressed as an emotion. 1st guest arrives painted green with "n" and "v" across his chest "I'm green with envy" he says. A woman arrives in a pink body stocking with feathers around her bits. "I'm tickled pink!". Next 2 guests are Irish , one with his dick in a bowl of custard and the other with his nob stuck in a pear. The host is shocked and asks what they have come as. "Well oim fuckin discustard and Mick has come in dispair!!"

Month End....

2009-02-01T11:08:00.002Z

Oh well. Posting my footie bet did not bring any change in fortune and once again £20 was turned into scrap paper in 90 minutes.
Overall the poker ended +£140 for the month as, even though I had a few slurps yesterday, I had the sense to drink squash when I got back so still had a slightly winning night.

I need to set myself up with some reminders for when the shit hits the fan, which we all know it will.
I only come up against a couple of fellow bloggers occasionally so it can’t do me too much harm. (I hope)

1) Don’t stick to the 3 x blind raise in the small stakes MTT’s. You can go 10 or more x bb in the early stages and still get a caller or 2 so stop pissing about.
2) Don’t panic if you don’t get the hands you want to play. Be patient and they will come eventually and when they do just get the chips in (see point 1).
3) If you get a decent hand in the first couple of rounds of an MTT people are more likely to call through each street so just get aggressive as people want to double up early and don’t mind taking unnecessary risks.
4) When you get to a FT get aggressive as people seem to be looking to ladder and are less inclined to bet (beware of the other aggressive types though unless you have a hand).

gl all

Joke..

3 men who were captured by savages were told their cocks would be removed in a manner appropriate to their job! 1st man was a lumberjack so his would be chopped off. 2nd man was a butcher so his was to be sliced off. 3rd man started laughing. When the captors asked why he replied "I work in a lollipop factory!!"

Keep smiling

Weekend footie bet......

2009-01-30T12:43:00.005Z

Thought I would post this weeks footie bet in the hope it brings me luck. Have not been too brilliant so far this season so will try anything so follow me at your peril.
I have done these on the WillHill half time and full time slips and with 6 folds and 7 folds on each slip stand to win a few bob if it comes in.
There has been no massive research into why these results should happen other than looking at the back of the slip at the leagues while munching my bacon, sos and mushroom sarnie.

Stoke v Man City
Hull v West Brom
Southampton v Swansea - Draw
Wolves v Watford
Cheltenham v MK Dons
Oldham v Swindon
Wycombe v Accrington

Have turned things around for January from a low of -£150 to currently being + £110 and providing I don't throw too much away in drunken Saturday evening play (I give up saying I won't play as I already know I will) then I will be quite happy.

GL all

Joke

Man goes to Doctors for a cock extension. Doc suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3k. Man agrees. 6 weeks later while having dinner with a new woman he feels an unusual stirring in his pants & thinks "This is the night". While chatting over dinner his cock flies out, steals an apple from the table and goes back in his pants. Wow she says "Can you do that again?". He says "My cock can but I don't think my arse can take another apple!!"

Not running bad atm……

2009-01-25T00:15:00.001Z

Should have had my second small win of the year but managed to lose a 1/25 chip lead lmfao. (What a fuckin twat!!!)
I was a tad drunk which assisted in me getting to the FT in the first place and got them in aggressively to get heads up but went all in twice which got him to 40k against my 200k and could not win a race against a horse with calipers and athletes foot. Shit way to finish but still got £75 for my £2 but was looking forward to posting a 2nd win for the month/year.

Not complaining though as my WillHill has gone from a low approaching £50 to £250 as it stands and I might be able to play the £5 MTTs in a bit
Also managed to get a top 3 place in a 1800 FTP STT for a $26 token so now need to find a MTT 2moro with 200ish players which seems to be my forte.

GL all

Joke –

Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round
to see him. Mick says 'how you doin?' Paddy says do
us a favour, nip upstairs and get me slippers, me feet
are freezing.'Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous
19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed ..
He says 'your dad's sent me up here to shag the both of you!
They say 'get away with ya.. prove it.'

Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy, both of em?'

Paddy shouts back 'of course both of em,
what's the point of fuckin one?'

1st win of 2009.... Relief

2009-01-20T23:26:00.004Z

Okay so its a small one. Bit of a relief tbh. My WillHill account had gone down to £50ish and I was getting tad nervous though still got $200+ in Full tilt. This is a confidence booster and gives me a good go at the MTT's so gg wp me lol.

WTF do you have to do to take your cash out of Full Tilt. I want to deposit on Titan as they have a good deal I read about. I deposited with no issue but have now registered with Neteller only to find I now need to make a deposit to withdraw. They also needed my Mom's Nans 3rd dogs DNA to prove who I am ffs.

Anyways this is a short and mainly positive post.

GL all....Gav

Joke:- Specially for Joppa..

A couple want to have anal sex but the woman decides to play it safe and seek medical advice first. "Anal sex is perfectly safe" says her Doctor "as long as u take it slow at first, use lots of lubricants and u take care not to get pregnant." Can u get pregnant from anal sex?" the woman asks in horror. "Certainly" replies the Doc " Where do you think Villa fans come from?"

Good news (family)……and bad (getting royally fucked poker wise)..

2009-01-15T12:53:00.002Z

Didn’t think things would move so quickly but the administrators found a buyer for the Wife’s company so she is now being paid again.
Not sure atm about the week she was owed but would not think that is the new owners responsibility but we will see. She is happy as Larry whoever the fook he is. Thanks for the comments regarding this.

On the poker front I am having no joy and may need the administrators myself within a month as I am now a fair few quid down for the month and have a £200 roll, so will have to stick to the £2 and £5 MTT’s until I grind a few quid (if I manage to).
I don’t think I’ve turned into a bad player over the past 3 months but it makes you think.
I still love the game so will not be giving up any time soon and tbh think I am playing quite well but the coin flips have been 20 tails when I have been on heads (even when I hit the flop against the odds a fookin flush comes for the enemy).
I think an area that I have to improve though is bluffing. I’m just not doing it and this is a massive leak.

Was going to have a pop at the virtual dealers at the site I use as they take the piss dealing the flop and turn at normal pace and then seem to spend fucking ages sorting through the virtual pack to find the river that suits the opposition. (You even get the chance to type in the river that you know is going to fall before it does in the chat box lol) WTF is that all about.

An example is my QQ all in against AK
Flop 7,3,4 turn 2 river …………………….5 (Why can’t it just flop a fucking A or K and fuck me off without the hope.

As I said I was going to have a pop and put up a picture of a monkey called “shitfuckbastard” to represent said dealer but I could just imagine being sued for libel by one of the virtual donuts and ending up in court opposite a laptop with a voice like Stephen Hawking saying “He upset and defamed me on one of his posts and I have been off with stress and anxiety for 6 months. I was not searching the virtual pack for any particular card but had stopped to concentrate as the player to my left was just finishing me off….” .. Funny how the fucker on his left sucked out on me too.

TBH am getting a bit concerned about my roll now and need to get a win soon.
Tempted to put a few bob on the cartoon racing but my fucking nag would probably fall (has that ever happened in a race at Fuckwit Fields??).

On a positive note UKGatsby’s on fire so I just need to rub him somewhere to transfer his good play to me. (No suggestions thanks and especially not from you Gats). I'd also like to thank Helraiser for some stuff he has sent me which should improve my game.

Good luck all

Joke -

In recent times its been suggested that an apple a day keeps the Doctor away but since all the doctors are now Muslim I find bacon works better!

Not the best start to 2009....

2009-01-08T22:11:00.002Z

Unfortunately my Wife has lost her job this week due to the credit crunch but has agreed to work for free to try to help the business find its feet. I fully agree with this as she is investing in her future by trying to help the company out and she has loved working there (Flexibility if our lad is ill and school holidays etc etc)
There are always people worse off than yourself (you only have to read other peoples blogs for this to become obvious) and we are not exactly desolate and have funds for a rainy day (and I think this counts) so we will be okay for a while.

Poker wise this will mean that I will have to be more selective with the games I play within my roll and will have to be at my best and it will be purely a hobby again.
To those of you who play on the same sites as me please give gracefully.
Don't worry I will not be asking for stakage just yet and tbh I've not been exactly profitable the last couple of months so wouldn't expect more than £2.50.

I've never been a negative person anyways so I firmly believe there will be a positive in everything which is why I gamble.

The post has little to do with poker but alot of mine have been general ramblings about life anyways.

Joke :-

A man and his ever nagging Wife were on holiday in Jerusalem when the Wife suddenly died. The undertaker said it will cost £5k to ship her home or £500 to bury her here. The Husband said "Ship her home". The undertaker said "But Sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?" The Husband said "A long time ago a man was buried here and 3 days later he rose from the dead.. I can't take that fucking chance!"

Gl all

Gav

Holding my own.......

2009-01-06T18:28:00.006Z

At poker.....

I go through different variations of NL like anything at the moment.
I have played MTT's for most of my poker life but due to time restraints changed to DYM's but found that I was not winning a high enough % to make it worthwhile.
I then tried STT and went from Superhot - Supertilt - Supertit to almost Supertramp as it almost killed me off.

I am now mainly playing cash at 10c/25c and have got it back to $250 on Full Tilt.
I think I have going to stick with this until I either get to a roll that I can go up to 25c/50c or just bumble on at the same level. (How much does my roll need to be to play at that level??) I am possibly already playing over roll but don't really want to go any lower.

Will probably stick to this and use my WillHill balance for the MTT's and see how I get on.

£40ish up for the month so far is a better feeling than being down and something to build on.
The cat has even started venturing back into the living room so it must sense my peace from within (either that or its that fookin cold that it thinks "Fook it I'll take my chances, It's warmer than the shed!!).

Anyways a quick questions for the likes of UKGatsby, CalloftheWildcat, Helraisier and any other small stakes personage.
Do you fella's invest in poker training/ poker tracking tools??
I appreciate that if you are going to take the game seriously then it may be invaluable but is it really necessary for the level at which I play?

I read the odd book and subscribe to a couple of mags, Poker Player and Inside Poker as these seem useful and have decent freerolls.

On a different note I have just finished watching the final season of The Wire. If you have not seen it or heard of it you can get a Wikipedia overview here but it has to be one of the best tv series of all time imo.
If you decide to download it give it a couple of episodes to get into it as it is a slow burner.

Cheers all

Gav

Joke -

2 Irish couples decide to swap partners for the evening. After 3 hours of fantastic sex Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on?".

Happy New Year and 2009 resolutions.....

2008-12-30T17:10:00.002Z

And another year passes. Roll on 2009….

2008 was my best year to date with just over £6k profit so more than happy with that.
Used it to pay off some bills, buy a laptop and have a holiday but tbh am thinking I should have left myself about a £1k bankroll as opposed to the £300. (Won’t be making that mistake again).

Will struggle to reach these heights in 2009 as I will be playing alot less but hopefully this might improve my game so you never know.

Will be starting 2009 with circa £400 unless I have a decent win or major fook up in the next 2 days.

What are the objectives for 2009?

Make a profit whilst playing less poker due to other commitments

Not to cash out unless really needed so that I can play at bigger levels.
I am also going to enter all of the freerolls on offer via the Poker Player and Inside Poker magazines to have a chance of playing in decent prize money live events.

Rules for 2009 poker:-

1) Don’t play if I could be having quality time with my Son – 10% gone (normally play when he is in bed)
2) Don’t play if I am tired – 55% of the time
3) Don’t play if I should be doing an assignment – 15% of the time
4) Don’t play if pissed– 13% of the time
5) Don’t play if Wife is giving me evils – 5% of the time
All in all I figure I have 10 minutes left to play poker so why the fuck have I got a blog?? J

I hope it’s been a successful year for you as well on a personal and financial basis.

Cheers, thanks for reading and good luck.

Gav

Joke -

Credit Crunch - The married version..

Husband and Wife shopping in Tesco. Man picks up box of Stella and sticks it in the trolley. "What do you think ur doing?" asks Wife. "They're on offer. 24 cans for £10" says Hubby. "Put them back we can't afford it!"

A few aisles later the Wife picks up £20 face cream and puts it in the trolley. "What do you think ur doing?" asks Husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful" she replies. "So does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the fuckin price!!" says hubby running to the previous aisle.

Happy New Year all.

I'm a Yo-Yo now....

2008-12-27T12:39:00.002Z

Up and down. Went from "Super hot" to "Super tilt" if thats the right terminology on Sharkscope. Had a cracking Xmas though with a few winners on the geegee's including Pressgang who did some of the most erratic jumping I've seen in a while and still won. Won my previous p1ssed up losses back and proceeded to give most of it back again on Xmas night but not to worry I know I will get there.

Going to wind the year down playing small MTT's and freerolls I think as I am happy enough with the profit for the year and am not exactly on fire at the moment :(.

Xmas Day was a laugh with working half day, the Mother-in-Law here for the night (just kept pouring Babycham's down her neck till she went to sleep), and the youngest had a great day.

On a funny (daft) point my middle lad had had a 3rd tattoo with "In God we trust" on the back of his neck (under the collar line thank fuck) and didn't know it was the national motto of the States. WTF do these kids do with their brains. He probably tossed his out of his bellend a few years ago but he had the piss taken out of him mercilessly.

Probably makes us sound like a right bunch of pikey's but when your lad asks his Mom for £40 for a pair of jeans and comes back inked up there's not a fat lot you can do ffs.

Thats enough for now as the taxi should be here in a minute to take my liver out for more punishment.

Hope you all had a good one

Cheers

Gav

Joke:-

7 Englishmen and an Irishmen in a rape lineup. The victim walks in and Paddy steps forward and shouts "That's her the grumpy bitch!!"