Getting a new laptop . . .

I've decided to buy a new laptop and have taken an upgrade on the 3 broadband dongle I've got and plummed for an Inspiron 1750 with 17" screen.
I told my Son who is 10 that I'd get him a laptop before he went to Secondary school as their homework diaries are on-line and they can upload their homework nowadays apparently.
However being a selfish sort of Dad and having seen him eat spare ribs and a sticky cake while bumbling about on mine (that took me longer to calm down than any bad beat) I can't bring myself to give him a nice new shiny one so he's going to make do with mine which is only a year or so old and I'll have the nice new shiny one.
Only costing me £15 a month on top of what I was paying and a mate at work pays half at the moment when he's on shift so not too bad and besides can't afford to pay up front anyways while I'm helping to kit my older lads house out.

On to poker and I've only played a bit and am still level though I dropped $40 when I tried out Rush Poker but I still think it's a cracking idea and reckon I'll soon get it back if I play ultra tight.
If you were the one whose idea that was I hope you would get a proper bonus akin to the Banker arseholes and not the proverbial M&S voucher for your efforts.

Anyways off to the pub now for an afternoon of gambling on horses, football, poker, and whatever else is on the cards (Gotta have a blow out as I think I'm ready for one and feel ready to blow my top with shit at work and forking out left, right and centre for my lads house (At least that bit is appreciated)).

Good luck all and funnily enough to the Villa tomorrow as well (a complete one off and proves I need a beer).

Joke -

Paddy weighs 20st so his Doctor puts him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, eat for 2 days, skip a day and so on for 2 weeks and you should lose 5lb."
When Paddy returned he shocked the Doctor by having lost 4st.
"Thats amazing!" says the Doc.
"I'll tell you be Jesus, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of the first week." says Paddy.
"What from hunger?" asks the Doc.
"No from all the fuckin skipping!!" replies Paddy

Static . . .

February is going to close a level month. Got moving upwards early on, played shit, had a chat with myself sub-consciously and then carried on playing shit regardless.
Bankroll has stayed the same and have lost the £70 rake paid so effectively down but I go on BR. Finally got my funds from ClickandBuy (Titan middleman payout people) so will be starting on Betmost from 01/03/10 so will hopefully be profitable on there as I will have a start afresh frame of mind.

The only thing I've been profitable on this month is footie betting for just over £200 which isn't bad but that cash has gone on stuff for my Son's house along with another few hundred on top.

Noticed via Fenix's blog that he was offering shares so that he could play the majors last Sunday. Had never took a stake in anyone before but his Sharkscope stats looked spot on so I went for the minimum 1% and not only made a profit but enjoyed a night off (apart from 3 sng) but also watched for a couple of hours and I reckon I may have learnt a thing or 2 into the bargain.
One thing I did notice and I may have got completely the wrong end of the stick, is that even though these were higher than I've ever played people were still going all in Q-9 vs K-10 pre flop for example. This was not Fenix but others at the tables and there was nothing obvious like short stacks being forced to double up so could only put it down to there being fish at all levels. Having not watched bigger staked tournies before I suppose I didn't think it would happen or I've led a sheltered life at lower stakes and thought that the bigger the buy-in the play would be massively higher standard.

I'd certainly take a stake again though (winning first time out does that for you).

Good luck all and here's to a profitable March.

Joke

A man named Ralph appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St.Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Brecon Beacons in South Wales, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, yelling "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago!!".

Subconscious chat once the tables are closed down . . . .

If you're anything like me you probably have a subconscious chat with yourself at the end of each session on how things have gone (or am I the only tard that does this??)
Anyways below are the usual questions that I ask myself on a regular basis and the answers in blue are the answers I would like to give and the answers in the brackets in red are the answers I have had to give the last few days.

So how did you play this evening? Like a God. Total "A" game. (Like a cock. Total fuckwit)
How's the bankroll looking? £100 up (£100 down)
Any reason for this? Brilliant reads (Brilliant reads by "them")
Did you Tilt? What me? Don't be daft. I'm totally okay with variance (What me? Of course I did. I thought if they can win with shyt so can I)
Are you still learning the intracacies of the game? I'm always learning. You can never know it all (I need to get back to basics as I'm going backwards)
What improvements could you make to your game? Keep maximising opportunity (Stop watching the tv, drinking and playing like a newbie)
Are the profits still happening? Of course (Not if I keep playing like a cnut)
Oh well back to the drawing board.

As a final point. If Pompey go into administration do Blues get a bye to the Semis of the FA Cup? Then we can play Palace , wait for them to go the same way and get straight to the final. Just a thought.

Good luck all

Joke -
Paddy's struggling down the road with a wardrobe.
A friend says "Paddy, why don't you get Mick to help you?
Paddy replies "He's inside carrying the clothes!!?"

F.A Cup winners 2010 Birmingham City??? . . . .

Decent win in the cup today against Derby even if we didn't play too well.
A perfect scenario for us would be to avoid the Villa until the semi's or better still the final and then take our chances against our biggest rivals in the biggest game in years.
Some might say "Yeah but what if you lose your biggest game for an age against your rivals?"
But to be honest I'm a gambler and would rather take my chances on the best game in a long time in the World famous cup and a 4-2 win (Well I can dream can't I).
I'm nothing if not fair though and they can still have silverware as they are in the Carling Cup Final in March.
Could do with a home draw in the Quarter's and I'll take Pompey, Albion/Reading, or Fulham/Notts Co.
Thankyou very much. If Cloud can have a word with God next time they have a chat it would be appreciated.

On to poker and I'm playing shyt. A complete lack of concentration and it's only the rake that's giving me a profit.
Thankfully I've won a tad over £100 today on the footie to boost the roll (I love late goals. Cheers Millwall and Blues).

Joke -

3 bodies turn up at the mortuary all with smiles on their faces. A cop asks the coroner "Why are they all smiling?"
The coroner explains "The 1st guy died of a heart attack shagging his Wife, hence his smile. The 2nd guy won the lottery, spent it on Whisky and died of alcohol poisoning, hence his smile. The 3rd guy however was unusual, Paddy from Belfast, struck by lightening!"
The cop asks "Why the fuck was he smiling?"
The coroner replies "Daft twat thought he was having his photo taken!!"

Good luck all

Possibly need a change . . . .

Played DYM again since the start of the month and am £70 up (£30 of which is rakeback) so obv I am just over break even. The thing is DYM are fookin boring unless you can win consistently. Play poker for a few levels and then throw all your chips in with any pair/high ace, followed by all-in any ace. I probably need to change for a few weeks and then come back to it as when you're concentrating its an easy earner but when you're bored you might as well bet on the toss of a coin.
I know I have 2 obvious flaws whatever I do. I've never gone above 3 tabling and just need to do it (possibly on lower stakes sng's til I can handle it) and secondly concentration (I need to speak to the Mrs at least once a night and I keep watching the telly).
Anyways I'll sort it out eventually. Just thought I'd post my thoughts.
Hope your having more joy with it than I am atm.

Joke -

Paddy was telling his mates about his skydive at the weekend. "The plane went up to 10,000 feet and the door opened. One by one they began to jump out until it was my turn. I couldn't do it. The instructor stepped up, pulled out his 12" cock and said "If you don't jump I'm going to stick this up your arse!!""
One of Paddy's mates asked "So did you jump?"
Paddy replied "Only when it first went in!!"

Not a bad start to 2010 . . .

Tad over £400 profit and I’ll take that each month tbh at the small stakes I play. Have been playing purely DYM and although some days are pure grind and end up level there have been a few decent days and 1 shit one when I wasn’t in the mood for it and tried to play my way through and dropped £60 but the rake seems to tot up a lot quicker as I’m playing more of them.

Still awaiting cash from Titan. Have met their criteria but now bet and click are fucking about and have had to prove who I am to them as well. I think I know how the Pompey players feel now regarding wondering when they will get paid but the comments from my last post at least help out with knowing I will get it.
Bit of a comic hand last night when I had pocket 4’s and I’d hit trips but the turn gave quads and I didn’t notice (beer problem). Got 2 knocked out and a load of praise for slow playing for allowing the villains to hit their flushes before noticing. Of course I didn’t let on I just hadn’t realized. GG me lol.
As I’m purely playing DYM and am moving to Betmost I have taken £1k out of WillHill leaving me £300ish and will deposit £250 in Betmost so that should keep me going and I could do with the funds to help kit out my Son’s house.
Apart from that there’s not a lot going on so good luck at the tables.

Joke –
A blokes watching the footie on the box and flicks through the channels at half time and finds a porn film with a man shagging a woman long and hard. He says to his Wife “I don’t know whether to watch this or the game”. His Wife says “For fucks sake watch this. You already know how to play football!!”

What a pallaver . . . .

Trying to cash out of Titan is a right game.

I've had to take photos of my debit card (back and front) and also my photo driving licence in order to get at my funds.

Funny how you don't have to go through this shit when you make a deposit!!

Driving licence doesn't come out that clear due to the squigly lines on it so sods law says they'll mail me back but I sent them the counterpart element as well for good luck.

Is this the same on most sites??

Never had an issue with WillHill when I joined them.

I sent them a mail pointing out I'd be a pretty shit thief to rob somones debit card, deposit cash and then withdraw the £320 winnings to their account?!?!

I wouldn't mind but I had to join Click and Pay and verify that by inputting details of the 2 debits they took out of my account already ffs.

Oh well rant over. . . On the poker front I made £365 profit on Titan purely paying DYM in 12 days and have left £35 in there as there is a poker player $3k added tourney at the weekend.

For some reason the graph doesn't quite tally with the profits but oh well. . .

Lad ill today so off work so there goes a days Annual Leave (wankers . .when I worked at Vodafone we had 5 days dependants leave we could take.

Finally (and littleacornman won't like this) my Sister has found out that the house next to hers was being used as a "herb" factory and the Police have gone and and taken the harvest and all the paraphenalia. She didn't get so much as a souvenier lol.

I'd rather have set the place on fire, gathered the neighbours around and called the fire brigade when the herb ran out. (Imagine the toke on that lol)

Good luck at the tables.

Joke . .

A bloke bursting for the loo uses the ladies in a posh hotel. He sits down and notices 4 buttons - WW, WA, PP and ATR. Curious he presses WW & is gently sprayed with warm water, then WA and a blast of warm air dries him. PP. a powder puff which left him smelling fresh. Feeling pampered he presses ATR . . . He wakes up in hospital and asks the nurse what the fuck happened. She says "ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover - Your cock is under your pillow!!"