Friday, 7 January 2011

A New Start . . . . . . . . .

Well there goes Xmas and New Year . . . . .
Hope everyone had a good time.

A bit different this year having split with the Mrs so mainly involved plenty of beer and mutual heckling with mates as we tried to pull Women over the festive period.
Went to a Cadbury's over 30's break up party and I swear the Women's tickets had over 50's on them but hay-ho any port in a storm seemed the general motto.

Spent Xmas dinner round the ex's and saw the grandkids etc before having my lad overnight and then on the beer Boxing Day which is always a good laugh but unfortunately with all race meetings cancelled the King George is now next weekend.

Bought my lad a bike for Xmas and he promply took the brakes off ( as they were getting in the way!!!) and then decided to become all inquisitive and take it apart without having a clue how to put it back together.
In short, the fckin thing is now in a cycle shop being put back together as he had lost some bits and pieces (binned them more likely) and I'm going to be £40 lighter when I pick it up later ffs. He can have a jigsaw for his Birthday so he realises how important it is to have all the pieces.

On the poker front I am left with a tiny $100 roll on FT and am going to have to try and build on it as I'm losing interest a bit and can't be arsed to reload if I bust it.

Hope you have a good 2011 -

Jokes -

NASA send an Aston Villa fan and 2 chimps into space. Radio messages were as follows.

NASA to chimp 1 . . . . Optimise life support systems and recalibrate radiation monitoring equipment.

NASA to chimp 2 . . . . Check trajectory and compensate if required using formula (m2-3n)x(5-m3)

NASA to Villa fan . . . . . Feed chimps. Touch Fuck all!!!!!!

I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my Speedo's was upsetting the other swimmers. I pointed out another guy with similar trunks and asked why he was not asked to leave. They replied "Because he hasn't shit himself!!!"

A hunter shoots himself in the dick with his shotgun. Several hours later lying in his hospital bed he is approached by his Doctor who says "The good news is you're going to be okay. The bad news is there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage to your penis so I'm going to have to refer you to my Sister".
The hunter asks "Is she a plastic surgeon?"
"No" replies the Doctor, "She's a flute player. She will teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your face!!".

An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?"
"Thats easy" he said "Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!".

Good luck . . .