Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Happy New Year and 2009 resolutions.....

And another year passes. Roll on 2009….

2008 was my best year to date with just over £6k profit so more than happy with that.
Used it to pay off some bills, buy a laptop and have a holiday but tbh am thinking I should have left myself about a £1k bankroll as opposed to the £300. (Won’t be making that mistake again).

Will struggle to reach these heights in 2009 as I will be playing alot less but hopefully this might improve my game so you never know.

Will be starting 2009 with circa £400 unless I have a decent win or major fook up in the next 2 days.

What are the objectives for 2009?

Make a profit whilst playing less poker due to other commitments

Not to cash out unless really needed so that I can play at bigger levels.
I am also going to enter all of the freerolls on offer via the Poker Player and Inside Poker magazines to have a chance of playing in decent prize money live events.

Rules for 2009 poker:-

1) Don’t play if I could be having quality time with my Son – 10% gone (normally play when he is in bed)
2) Don’t play if I am tired – 55% of the time
3) Don’t play if I should be doing an assignment – 15% of the time
4) Don’t play if pissed– 13% of the time
5) Don’t play if Wife is giving me evils – 5% of the time
All in all I figure I have 10 minutes left to play poker so why the fuck have I got a blog?? J

I hope it’s been a successful year for you as well on a personal and financial basis.

Cheers, thanks for reading and good luck.


Joke -

Credit Crunch - The married version..

Husband and Wife shopping in Tesco. Man picks up box of Stella and sticks it in the trolley. "What do you think ur doing?" asks Wife. "They're on offer. 24 cans for £10" says Hubby. "Put them back we can't afford it!"

A few aisles later the Wife picks up £20 face cream and puts it in the trolley. "What do you think ur doing?" asks Husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful" she replies. "So does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the fuckin price!!" says hubby running to the previous aisle.

Happy New Year all.

Saturday, 27 December 2008

I'm a Yo-Yo now....

Up and down. Went from "Super hot" to "Super tilt" if thats the right terminology on Sharkscope. Had a cracking Xmas though with a few winners on the geegee's including Pressgang who did some of the most erratic jumping I've seen in a while and still won. Won my previous p1ssed up losses back and proceeded to give most of it back again on Xmas night but not to worry I know I will get there.
Going to wind the year down playing small MTT's and freerolls I think as I am happy enough with the profit for the year and am not exactly on fire at the moment :(.
Xmas Day was a laugh with working half day, the Mother-in-Law here for the night (just kept pouring Babycham's down her neck till she went to sleep), and the youngest had a great day.
On a funny (daft) point my middle lad had had a 3rd tattoo with "In God we trust" on the back of his neck (under the collar line thank fuck) and didn't know it was the national motto of the States. WTF do these kids do with their brains. He probably tossed his out of his bellend a few years ago but he had the piss taken out of him mercilessly.
Probably makes us sound like a right bunch of pikey's but when your lad asks his Mom for £40 for a pair of jeans and comes back inked up there's not a fat lot you can do ffs.
Thats enough for now as the taxi should be here in a minute to take my liver out for more punishment.
Hope you all had a good one
7 Englishmen and an Irishmen in a rape lineup. The victim walks in and Paddy steps forward and shouts "That's her the grumpy bitch!!"

Saturday, 20 December 2008


Serves me right...
Ignored all advice given on RTR. Come back from footie alittle pi%%ed and just spunked $80 on Full tilt thinking I was better than I am and more sober playing wayyyy over roll entitlement.

Gutted .....

Took me long enough to write that much..


It was Xmas and the blonde Wife was waiting as the binmen pulled up. One by one she shagged them & finally it was the drivers turn. Instead she give him £10.
Disappointed the driver said "Whats this for ?"
"for Xmas" she replied. My husband said
"Give the driver a tenner and fuck the rest......"

Happy Xmas

Friday, 19 December 2008

Levelling out....

Breaking even at the moment playing STT's on Full Tilt.
Should be alot better but breaking even is better than losing.
However Bankroll is falling behind the £500 target with £280 on Will Hill and $190 on Full Tilt.
Joined raisetheriver this week and will be posting on there shortly asking for advice on how to improve bankroll and what to play when short of time as I am going to be able to play far less hours in 2009 and still want to make it worthwhile.

You would think I 'd know the answer to improving the bankroll (win more money than you fookin lose) but I need a reminder and a confidence boost :).

Looking forward to Xmas now and apart from working 1/2 days Xmas Day and Boxing Day am now free until 30th December and with assignments done and dusted I can concentrate on poker for the next 3 weeks.

My youngest is getting all excited and it is good to see and I'm going to make the most of it as they grow up really quick and in a couple of years he will just be communicating through grunts like the other 2 did.

Not alot else to say really so unless I win something (anything pleeeease!!!) I will probably leave posting until between Xmas and New Year.

Hope everybody has a good one and a profitable New Year.



A duck walks into a bar...
"Got any Bread?"
Barman says "no!"
"Got any bread?"
"Got any bread?"
"Got any bread?"
"No, We haven't got any bread! Ask me again and I'll nail your fuckin beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a bird!.."
"Got any nails?"
"Got any bread?"

To alot of people that might sound shyt. It might just be my sense of humour

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Placed in the Bloggerment & apologies.....

Just been placed in the Bloggerment....
Okay there were only 7 entries and I came 3rd for $7 for my $5.50 outlay.
However as I was 0/5 on cashes this is progress so humour me ;)

Apologies for not saying "gg" etc to the final 2 but I am still getting used to Full Tilt and the fooking table closes as soon as a games finishes.

Am giving up the majority of MTT's for a bit as I need to concentrate on bankroll and the easiest way is on STT's.

Still nearly £50 down but need to stop the rot.
I like the STT's on Full Tilt as you just play ABC and seem to make the frame at the mo.

On a different topic watched the end of X-Factor last night and found it funny/amazing that the winner (Alex) was sooo tearful when she won. I would have been shouting "Fookin get in" and asking Cowell for my £1m advance with my knob out. (Okay they would have needed to zoom in).

Joke - Have ummed and arred about this but its going in so apologies if it causes any offence.

Man goes into a sex shop and asks for an inflatable doll. Shop keeper says "male or female?" Man says "Female". Shop keeper says "Black or White?" Man says "White". Shop keeper says "Christian or Muslim?" Man says "wtf has religion got to do with it?" Shop keeper says "The Muslim blows itself up!!"

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Not learning a fat lot….

Things aren’t going so well on the poker front at the moment.
I seem to have a good start and then either make daft errors or get rivered.
I could do with playing the Crimbo value tournaments and if things stay the same I might force myself to have a break in January unless my fortunes turn around (A couple of wins or decent cashes always recharge the batteries). This run has coincided with me starting a part time degree course as I have assignments to hand in and am pushed for time (having not been in education for 25 years its a bit of a culture shock) but this might just be a shyt excuse for piss poor play.

I won’t give up playing poker as I enjoy it and with the stakes I play it is a good night and I am never going to go broke. Have read a few blogs by people who are struggling with their demons and it gives you a reality check about the little problems with consistency that are gnawing away at your mind.

Am £60 down for the month (+ a couple of footie bets have gone west) at the moment and currently have a roll of £320 in Hills and $120 on Full Tilt so need to claw a little back to aim at pushing towards £500 for the New Year bankroll.

Would happily settle for a £100 payout in a tourney at the moment. I wonder if
ukgatsby does training videos. (Not the sort of him prancing around with his leotard on though).

That’s all for now. Good luck


Apologies for the lack of a joke this week but I have not got any that are suitable for posting.

Friday, 5 December 2008


Online Poker

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This PokerStars tournament is a No Limit Texas Hold’em event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code:

Thought I might as well post as well as outting the above on the blog.

Still not alot happening for me on the poker front though I did play 4 x 9 player $10 STT last night on Full Tilt and finished 3rd 3 times and 1st once having thrown away $10 on a 90 player before that. I was not liking Full Tilt but have now got used to the fact that the STT's are loose until it gets to 6 left then tightens up considerably. Have also learnt a little discipline and a bit about equity so last night did not rush anything and it worked. I would like to think that this might be consistent in future games but time will tell.

However put a few quid on Histon/Arsenal double last week and managed to scoop £168 which has boosted my WillHill roll to nearly £400 to compensate for some of the poker losses.

Not sure what is happening at WillHill at the moment as they have cut some of their decent guarantees (global economy might be a reason) but have also chopped the £4 19:00 which seems a bit inane as there was no guarantee involved and means that on most days there is no small stakes MTT's between 18:30 and 20:00 which may encourage their clients to bugger off elsewhere.

On a lighter note their was some mad comment left on F-Badgers last post that has unfortunately been removed by the blog administrator. F-Badgers blog makes good reading but the comment was a rant of gigantic proportions and was longer than the post he was commenting on and completely OTT - Hilarious but totally uncalled for. Shame its gone really as it was so ridic it just made the anonymous commenter look a twat.

Good luck all

Joke -

Just bought a scouse advent calender - fuckin typical all the windows are boarded up and some bastards nicked all the chocolate.

Saturday, 29 November 2008

Thank God I don’t do this for a living…

My losses are small and so are the majority of the wins apart from the odd few which tend to make 90% + of the difference but to play this game for your livelihood has to be something else. I honestly think I would not cope and would always be playing scared poker.

A negative month that could have been alot worse and I don’t deserve any better tbh.
Might as well post now as I will only be playing in the Bloggerment this weekend as I am going on the beer now and will not be playing while drunk. (though it couldn't get much worse and might loosen me up a bit)
No good moaning when you play like poo for the majority of the month and get a few bad beats at the end of it and with a holiday in between.
Finished minus £110 but if you add the £67 I carried over from last month it is really minus £177.

Have just been checking my profits for the year which currently stand at over £6k which doubles last year and puts things in a positive perspective. However with my current bankroll I will be hard pressed to match it in 2009.
My aim for December is just to be profitable and build to £400 – £500 bankroll to be able to start with for the new year.

I thinking cashing down to £300 a few weeks ago may have been a mistake as I am now feeling a bit short but as I have only ever deposited once on WillHill I want to keep that record intact so will just have to chip away at it.

Will post my total end of year stats at the end of December obv along with a couple of objectives for 2009.

That’s it. A short one by my normal standards.

GL all.

Joke –
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when Iam in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead.

Monday, 24 November 2008


Back from my holiday and tbh it was good to have a break from poker and I now feel fully refreshed and ready for a renewed battle to try and build my roll back up.
I read a book or 2 while I was away (fuck off all those whose first thoughts were "Janet and John").
I read Kill Everyone by Lee Nelson, Tysen Streib and Kim Lee and though I don't agree with everything in the book (probably down to not understanding the maths completely) there was still alot to take from it and I am certainly going to change aspects of my game.
Tried a couple of small MTT's last night and found it more enjoyable having instigated the tweaks and though I did not win either I cashed a bit in one to get monies back and enjoyed it far better than just waiting things out.
The above authors had a previous book Kill Phil so I should probably have read that first and will do soon.

On a different note the Manager of Birmingham has been e-mailing fans after each game with his thoughts on the match and I am not sure whether this is done by other clubs but it would be interesting if you could reply to the mail (you can't) with your own thoughts on the game.
I certainly can't moan about the Blues at the moment as we are 2nd in the Championship but it would certainly be a bit funny if your team was languishing at the bottom of your league as you could reply:-

Dear Nobby (Manager),

Thanks for your latest mail regarding your thoughts on our latest performance against Rollover City. I must admit that I was looking forward to the game as they had lost their previous 32 away from home with a goal difference of -215.
You can imagine my disappointment at our 6-0 loss and would like to make a few suggestions on possible changes to team selection and training methods:-
1) I believe our full back (Joey McFukwit) needs to be upfront and stay there particularly when the opposition have a corner. His 2 own goals certainly did not help and the fact that the Rollover forwards congratulated him and he had his arms aloft does not bode well. If he does this the correct end we might have a chance. Also could you check his bank accounts for deposits as his diving header for the first looked a little out of place too.
2) I believe that that our left back (Dick Curtain-Wipe) needs to swap places with our keeper (Donny Flap) as this is his 3rd sending off for hand-ball in as many games and yet Donny stops a shot and spends the next 5 minutes blowing on his hands to take the pain away.
3) Have you thought about my previous offer of using my spare barn doors for shooting practice? I am now more than happy to relinquish to clause that you would have to pay for any damage as I can see this is unlikely and I do not think they would be in any danger from 5 yards let alone the free kicks that we discussed.
4) When we (your loyal fans) start singing "You're shit and you know you are" can you please ask the front pair and midfield not to turn round, point to the defense and join is as this must be a little discouraging and we were singing at all of you.
5) When I went to the bar in the last match your ever effective scheme of employing staff from every nation known to man was again brought to the fore when my change had yet another currency in it. I can't remember what it was at the moment but when I googled it I needed 26570000 more to buy a loaf of bread in their economy so if I you could either provide change in £GBP or set up a bureau de change that would be fantastic.
I think thats it for now Nobby. Take no notice of the fans calling for your head, though the buggers with the meat cleavers did look a bit fucking naughty. I don't think they really know where you live but you might want to defend yourself a little better than you manage with our goal or move to where my change came from.


Fan A


My missus asked me to make love to her like they do in the movies, so I stuck it up her arse and came on her face, while shouting "Take that BITCH!" From the look on her face I'd hazard a guess that we don't watch the same movies.

Gl all..

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

This is a hard and long learning curve….

If you don’t want to read about my woes miss out the first paragraph :)

The poker gods must think I need a bit of hardship as they think a plague of defeats will make me stronger in the long run.
Why they can’t just let a plague of locusts infest my underpants for a couple of days while I play in discomfort I don’t know. This is not to be and I am still playing through the pain barrier having a few bad beats (to be expected) but am playing much better the last few days but need some breaks.
This has lasted a fortnight which seems like forever and is probably classed as a minor swing but I’ve never had one for this long before. How long can it last?
There are probably a few out there thinking WTF is he moaning about but this is all relative to the stakes you play and could take me a bit of time to get back.

Thank the good normal Lord that I go on holiday this weekend.

In hindsight it would have been better to set the alarm to watch the Calzaghe fight instead of playing poker while drinking copious amounts of beer and would have saved me a hefty chunk of bankroll. To add insult to injury I feel asleep at the end of the 2nd round.
My bankroll went down to a few quid under £800 which is a hefty fall over the past couple of weeks so I have decided to withdraw £500 to pay off a few bills and my car tax and leave myself with just under £300.
The thought process behind this is that I am going to play the small tournies that are usually the bread and butter and then I will have to build again to a reasonable level. It will also ensure that I do not have stupid bets as I will appreciate the value of my bankroll more.

I have also decided to have a complete rest on Tuesday nights (there are no value tournies on WillHill on a Tuesday to miss out on) and Thursday’s (Am at college anyway). This, I hope, will give me a couple of nights off to feed the poker hunger.

Anyway this is the last post for a week or so thanks to my holiday on Saturday so I wish you all the best. I have bought a couple of strategy books to read by the pool so hopefully might learn a thing or two.
Part of me wishes I was here for the next week as a lot of players will be on the CPC so there may be even better value in the WillHill Super Series but I am sure that once the all-inclusive aspect of the holiday kicks in I won’t even remember my name.

Joke :-

A man goes up to a stunner in Tesco and says “I’ve lost my Wife. Will you talk to me for a few minutes?” The woman looking puzzled asks, “Why talk to me?” Fella says “Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours my fuckin Wife appears out of nowhere.”

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Master mind he is not....

Now normally when one of your kids gets arrested it’s not funny.
However when they have not knowingly done anything wrong and they then make it blindingly obvious they will never make a master criminal anyway it becomes quite funny.
My 15 year old lad was offered and accepted some building work at half term and on his way home from work was arrested for being in a stolen car. He didn’t know it was stolen and I was called in to assist with the interview.
Below is a transcript of sorts:

Mr Plod “Did you discuss the car you were in at all?”
Callum “No”

A little later with no further prompts

Callum “I think he bought it cheap though”
Mr Plod “What did he buy cheap?”
Callum “The car”
Mr Plod “How do you know? I thought you hadn’t discussed it”
Callum “Just guessing”
Mr Plod “Does X have any insurance for the car?”
Callum “I’m not sure but I don’t think he’s got a licence” (Who needs friends like that?)

Mr Plod knew I was dying to tell the pillock to shut up and tbh I thought he was going to ask for 50 other offences to be taken into account (for stealing lollipops off his brothers).

He will be on TV on Britains Dumbest Criminals when he tries to rob a bank but forgets to cut the eye holes out of his balaclava.

Told his Mom to ground him but she said she hadn’t done anything wrong so why should she be punished by having to look at his gormless mug all week. Fair enough I suppose.

On to poker and I’m still losing but am playing better (if that’s supposed to be any consolation). Bankroll down to £850 due to the pub singing fooker staying in X-Factor and losing run but still got enough so no worries there.

Joke:- This is totally politically and everything else incorrect so apologies in advance

Shagged a deaf and dumb girl last night but felt so ashamed I broke all her fingers so she couldn’t tell anyone.

GL all

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Got to get the SHIT outta me....

I have got to get the shit out of my system. I am just throwing my money away at the moment through poo play and it has nothing to do with bad beats or the like it is pure and simple not being aggressive enough early doors, getting too aggro with the wrong hands or attempting bluffs at the wrong time.
Admittedly as I have stuck to small stakes it has only cost me a small % of my roll but it is the annoyance rather than the cash that is pissing me off.

Put £50 or $80 into Full tilt purely to play bloggerment but am down to $25 and have only played one, chucking through STT's when I have been knackered. One thing it has taught me though is that bankroll management is important so will be using my last $25 wisely and trying to build it up rather than have to deposit more.
Not moaning about anything other than me and if the pc could do a ditty I am sure it would be "You're shit and you know you are....".
Been through this before and I will get through it soon enough but could do with a couple of final tables before I go away.
Anyways that's enough of this negative crap.
Joke -
Priest and Nun on a camel in the Sahara desert when the camel drops dead leaving them doomed. Realising their fate the Priest asks the Nun to expose her tits and she agrees providing he exposes his cock. They fondle each other and the Priest gets an erection. "You know if I put this in the right place I can create life" said the Priest. "Stick it up the camels arse then and lets get the f*ck out of here then" said the Nun.
Good luck all


Monday, 3 November 2008

The good, the bad .....

The good -

My blog won the UKgatsby award for blog of the month. I would like to thank the poker widow (Mrs Gav), my reader and my family for helping me achieve this great honour.
UKgatsby also has a jokey dig at my iffy jokes at the end of each post.
Not sure where he's coming from as I haven't mentioned the Toon Army once but I have heard that David and Victoria Beckham are thinking about buying the club as Brooklyn's Xmas present because he said he wanted a cowboy outfit :)

Entered the bloggerment that HairyGymnast.Com organised last night on Full Tilt and a very friendly affair it was too. Bubbled in 4th unfortunately but will making this a regular. I like the fact that it is a Thunder and is over in little over an hour. (I play under SOTV on Full Tilt (Shit on the Villa)).

The bad -

There is a downside to producing an honest blog and that is that sometimes you have to admit you are a complete cock (no comments needed on that tyvm).
Hopefully just the fact that I am posting this will mean I do not repeat this.

Having had another shyt Saturday regarding footie bets I sat down to watch the X-Factor while playing poker. (I could say that its the Wife's fault but I would probably watch it anyways tbh)

Anyways I was 100% sure that the pub singer Daniel was going to walk this week and backed it with £150 @ 1/2 before the off.
As soon as the bet was confirmed I was thinking "What the fook have I done that for" and even told the Mrs that I had fooked up and win or lose would never be risking as much on a poxy reality show again especially as it takes time to win the money on poker tournies to start with. Add this to the fact that in my last post I advised that I was going to set up a separate betting account so that bets would not affect my bankroll and it was even more stupid!!

I was still shocked though when he was the first confirmed as to having survived as were the judges.

I do not feel the slightest bit better having written about it but there you go.
As I have said it was not the fact that the bet lost. It was the fact that I risked £150 of my hard earned roll at all on something so daft and inane.

Joke -

Paddy stumbles across a mass baptism at a river.. He walks into the river and stands next to the preacher.. "Are you ready to find Jesus my Son".. Paddy says "I am Sir".. Preacher puts him under the water the says "Have you found Jesus?" "No Sir" says Paddy... He puts him under for longer... "Have you found Jesus?" "No Sir".. So the preacher puts him under for 2 minutes... "Have you found Jesus?" Paddy says "No and you're killing me here. Are you sure this is where he fucking fell in?"

Good luck all


Friday, 31 October 2008

Another month gone.....

With just tonight to go the month of October is finished.

Taking tonights buy-ins into account the monthly total is a profit of £1417.

Taking into account that this is mainly taken up with the £1159 ($2k) provided by WillHill for the flights to the CPC and the £200 that I sold the cruise element for it would have been a pretty bare month without them.

However I am more than happy with my lot and having taken the majority of it out to pay for the alternate holiday my bankroll now stands at almost £1100.

I am going to post a profit of £1350 and carry the £67 over to November as a starting point.

One change I am going to make is to set up a separate sports betting account as this is affecting my bankroll as my luck is shyt on the football at present and I want to start keeping precise records as I do with the Poker to see whether it is worth bothering with anything other than "interest" bets.

Having had a good look at my play over the month I need to make a marked improvement on consistency and stick to the starting hands I have in my mind for the various stages of tournaments and not get sidetracked by mirroring other players poor play.

In addition I am going to spend the next couple of months sticking to the buy-ins I am used to and research other sites with decent buy-in (guaranteed pay out) tournaments that finish at a reasonable hour.

There are good £30 and £50 buy-ins on Hills but having seen the finishing times of approx 02:00 these are not exactly brilliant when you need to be at work for 05:00.

I have also decided that I am going to play all of the Super Series (Shifts permitting).

Overall I am happy being a profitable player but I really want to improve the success rate and will be re-reading a couple of books when I am on holiday to recap on the learning points to try and improve my play.

I am also going to play the bloggerment tourneys as they look good value. HairyGymnast.Com organises them so have a look if you are interested.

Anyways I will leave it there for now as I have some research to do.

And a joke :-

When did Pinnochio first realise he was made of wood? When he had a wank.... and his hand caught fire!!!!

Good luck all.....

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Its all sorted..

Thanks for support all. The poker cruise has now been sold to Dom who enquired about it.

Cheers to Amatay for putting it on the Blonde forum and UKgatsby for using his contacts. I could have sold it 3 times.

All in all a profitable tourney and it certainly helps with the monthly total and Dom has even given me a 2.5% stake in him which is a bonus. (Okay I was cheeky enough to ask for it and he kindly agreed).

Still going on holiday myself with the airfare money so happy days.

With a bit of luck this will be my last posting on the 2008 CPC unless Dom sorts me out with a few bob.

Roll on the 2009 one if I can plan it better.

Cheers and GL

Joke -

While packing your shopping in your car, you may be approached by 2 fit 18 year old East European girls, in tight tiny tops . They wash your windscreen with tits haanging out and ask for a lift to the next shop as payment.
On the way they strip and go down on each other. Then one of them climbs in the front and sucks you off while the other nicks yourt wallet!
I had mine stolen last Tues and Weds, twice on Thurs and again today.
Be careful!!

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

If you fancied the CPC you might want to read this....

And then the past came back to bite him on his ass........................

Thanks to all for the congratulations etc.
However I will not be going to the CPC Cruise after all.
Having read the visa requirements for tourists I am not eligible for the basic tourist visa due to a couple of drunk and disorderlies and other minor issues in my teens/ early 20's.
The US of A do not have spent convictions as we do over here so everything is valid forever.
To be fair I am not going to argue the fact as I have my own feeling as to our own borders being too fucking lax so would be a bit of a hypocrite to moan.

Rest assured I am going to qualify nice and early next year given the chance and make sure that I have sufficient time to sort the paperwork out and am going to use the $2000 for the flights and hotel that Will Hill donated to take Mrs Gav and my lad away for the week anyway as she was as excited about the trip as I was about going on a big boat. Looks like I will have to take her out on a pedalo wherever we end up :)

There is no way I am going to brick it all the way to Miami only to be told I am on the next flight back. It would be too stressful for me and the Mrs and that is a shyt start to a holiday anyway.

Anyways I have until tonight to give Will Hill the names of someone to replace me.
I have offered it out to someone already and have given them til 19:00 to get back to me then will be offering it to 2 others.

But on the off chance that these do not want to/ cannot go then I am open to offers.

I am after £200 to cover my buy-ins last week that gave me the chance to win the fooker and your flights for 2 will cost approx £1000 for 2 direct to Miami from Heathrow or £650 for 2 with stop-offs.

After that you need a hotel for 1 night in Miami and then it just your drinks money.

I need this sorted tonight as the registrations have to be completed by tomorrow evening latest with the cruise company so you will have to get a wriggle on.
I need to contact WillHill tonight as they will just take it off my hands if I have no takers.

Anyway you can mail me on gavin.hill@blueyonder.co.uk if needed but just make sure you have no prior convictions. Tomorrow will be too late I am afraid. It will be first come first served if there are any takers.

Info is below

ABOUT "FREEDOM OF THE SEAS"One of the largest ships in the world, the sparkling Freedom of the Seas represents an evolution in cruising offering the ultimate in dining and entertainment options. Guestrooms feature tasteful design and amenities including flat-panel TV with a range of channels and interactive programming, Wi-Fi Internet access, stylish comfortable beds and linens. The choice of dining options is unparalleled including a 3-story high main dining room and a selection of restaurants to suit every cuisine and atmosphere preference. Recreational highlights include the amazing FlowRider surf simulator, a rock climbing wall, 3 pools, mini-golf, ShipShape Fitness Centre and sports court. The Freedom Day Spa offers guests a full range of treatments with the promise of luxurious pampering. Exciting entertainment is featured daily and planned with “something for everyone” in mind. Participate in the spirited deck games during the day, sip bubbly in the Champagne Bar in the evenings and take in Broadway calibre productions offered nightly in the show lounges. The glittering Casino Royale is in full swing whenever the ship is not in port and challenges players with all the major games of chance. After hours, dance the night away at Boleros or enjoy a nightcap at the Viking Crown Lounge.

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As I have mentioned before I am not feeling too down as I am going to take Mrs Gav and my lad on holiday at the same time as the cruise with the $2000 Will Hill gave to cover the flights/hotels so all is not lost and you only live once so whats the point in worrying about it.
I have to admit though I was looking forward to meeting alot of the people that I play against week in week out and learning a thing or 2 from them as much as anything else so that is a disappointment and I really hope everyone has a cracking trip.

Joke time -

A little girl finds her dog dead with its legs in the air and asks her Dad why its like that. Dad says, "It's like that so Jesus can pick it up and take it to heaven". Next day she says to her Dad, "Mum nearly died 2day cos she was on her back shoutin Oh Jesus I'm coming. If the milkman hadn't been holding her down I think we would have lost her!"

I've never been known to be so high and then so low in such a small space of time but the positive is that I will end up with a free holiday anyway and that can't be bad.

Thanks as ever for reading


Monday, 20 October 2008

Ship Ship.. I mean Boat Boat.. I mean fookin hell

Fookin hell . .He's only gone and done it. Ship ahoy. The Bluenose has won a seat on the CPC.
With all being well Mrs Gav will get the time off work and I will sweet talk the lad's Head Mistress into giving him the week off school and off we go...
My only problem now is that I have a £900 bankroll and I don't want to donate to the sharks on board.
Not quite sure what to do on that score but I know I will be mightily pissed off if I cane all my hard work but fuck that I am on the boat so will think about that tomorrow.
I might just take it as a well deserved holiday and enjoy the spoils of the game and take my laptop to get the occasional fix. Still over the moon tbh and soooo excited so will cut this short.
Joke -
A visitor to a mental institution asked the director how he decided which patients should be kept in. The director said "We fill the bath, then offer the patient a teaspoon, teacup or a bucket & ask them to empty the bathtub." The visitor said "Oh, I see , a normal person would choose the bucket because its the biggest". The director said "No, a normal person would pull the fucking plug out. Would you like a bed near the window?"
Keep smiling and good luck. I can't believe that I have achieved one of my objectives already.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

And the winner is......

I was beginning to think that writing a blog had cursed any chance I had of ever winning again lol.
However last night this changed and though it is not a massive amount it is the win that counts for me as I run on confidence and this is just what I needed.
In addition, I'm not sure whether anyone else has ever experienced this, I was beginning to think I had hit an invisible ceiling with regard to my bankroll. I just could not stay over the £900 mark. I could get to £900-£910 and would then slip back to £850-£860 and have to start again but now I am at £980 ish and with the low stakes I play I should be okay now.
Having said that I am having a crack at the £30 freezeout CPC £10k guaranteed and the £10, £3.5k guaranteed this afternoon so I will be back down to £940 odd unless I cash.
Anyways just wanted to share the relief and enjoy the moment.
As always good luck and thanks for having a look and now for the joke:-
Paddy and Mick were trying to estimate the height of a flag pole. A builder walks past and they explain their problem. He says "Thats simple fellas, watch this". He unbolts it, lies it flat, measures it... then Paddy says to Mick " Thick twat! We want to know the height not the fucking length!"

Friday, 17 October 2008

Opening New Avenues...

Not alot has happened this week.
Have added £50 to the bankroll but have not really got close to making any decent additions, rather plugging into the money in MTT's without any real opportunity to progress deep.

I have changed my mind slightly regarding the Double Your Money STT's as unless you are multi-tabling them and hitting a very good % it is a waste of time. Not sure whether my early positives were flash in the pan but it was affecting my MTT games and I think I may have been one the the fish towards the end of that experiment.

The new avenue that I refer to in the title is that I have decided to learn how to play Pot Limit Holdem (PLO). To be fair I had read a few articles, thought I had picked up the main points and then had a little go at a small ($5) MTT.
Basic mistakes were to the fore (getting excited when dealt trips before realising on a pair will count:)) which made it obvious I had not taking nearly enough notice of the articles I had read.
However I am slowly getting better and for $5 per MTT I am treating it as paying for lessons for the next couple of weeks. TBH it is a good game and I can see why people talk highly of it and if it can be a source of a bit more income later it will be worth the investment.

Reading other people's blogs always gives you food for thought and my current conundrum is at what level to increase the buy in's of the MTT's I am playing.
I already know the answer but having built the roll am not sure whether I want to risk it.
I'll get over it.

Have had a couple of cracks at winning a place on the Will Hill Caribbean Cruise this week but to no avail and will have a final stab at the £30 freeze out on Sunday.

Will be a tough time for Birmingham with 5 games in the next 16 days but with a bit of luck we will get through the other sides injury free and remain top of the league.

And the joke - They have been a bit thin on the ground lately

A man comes home and finds his new young Wife being vigorously shafted from behind by his mate so he stabs him to death. His Wife, all dishevelled and rosy cheeked, says "that was silly, carry on like that and you'll have no mates left!"

Good luck all and thanks for reading.

Friday, 10 October 2008

A licence to print money?? Learning Point No2

At last, having had a shit couple of weeks, I am starting to play with a little more thought and have started to turn it around.
It's nothing major but I am turning a small profit rather than a loss for the month and anything in the + column will do for me as it means I am getting a bit closer to my £2k roll target (£840 as it stands).

I have also found a bit of a gold mine (though it comes with a warning).
I have started playing £5 and £10 double your money STT's.
These a quite easy pickings if you are tight til there are 6/7 left and get looser to ensure your top 5. They are enough fishes out there that even when you think you might be dead in the water someone makes a ridiculous decision and hands it to you.
The warning is not to take the games too lightly.
I had got my top 5 in 8 on the bounce until tiredness and complacency cost me 2 tourneys and that can knock your profits obviously.

Nothings happening on the MTT's at the moment as I just can't seem to get a run at anything but I can only hope Will Hill is saving the luck element for a run at the Caribbean Cruise tournaments next week.

I have had a cracking idea for a Bluenose Poker site too. Sod all the concerns about whether I can see your hole cards or not, on my site I would have the facility to grey out your options boxes.

If I have fuck all your only option to use would be the fold button and when I have the nuts your only option available would be to go all in. If you get timed out you automatically choose the option available at the time.

If Carlsberg did me a poker site... lol

Thanks as always for having a look.

Joke time:-

A little boy was crying in Tesco's when a man asks him "Are you lost?" When the boy nods the man asks "What's your Mom like?" The boy answers "Big cocks and Bacardi Breezers!"

Monday, 6 October 2008

I can't remember what I did different.......

Having played poorly over the past couple of weeks it was nice to see that I made a small profit on Saturday night/ Sunday morning.

This is great as I am never going to complain about a profit but it would be nice to have a clear idea as to what I changed and use it going forward.

There is just one problem with this. I was a bit pissed and I can't remember what I changed.

I know I played 4 x £10 STT and got a 1st, 2 2nds and a 3rd which turned it round (I don't play higher stakes) and in all honesty being the worse for wear I probably played a little looser but I do remember 1 hand which proved to me that I might as well shove harder with decent hands as you are always likely to find a caller.

I was dealt AA so raised to 3 or 4 times the bb and then got re-raised which was called.
I shoved all in and was called by QQ (fair enough) and K4 (??). Mine held up and I was on my way. Maybe I did learn something after all.

Must admit was lucky as playing when half cut can have a serious affect on your bankroll so will not be looking to repeat it.

Text joke time:-

A priest checks into a hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope the porn channel is disabled". She replied "No Sir, its just ordinary porn you sick bastard".

Good luck all

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

End of September review

Oh well. It’s the end of September and I have finished up £321.53 in profit which I am more than happy with as I have been playing like a spanner for the past week or more. I have still had a slightly better than normal month thanks to a 3 x £2 MTT wins. It is just a psychological thing but I always keep some profit back for the start of a new month so will be logging £300 as my profit this month and carrying forward £21.53 as a float.

Just in case I bump into anyone on Will Hill my table name is Bluenose6 rather than just Bluenose.

I have decided that having read a few other blogs I need a definite Action Plan and this might help me focus on a specific target and therefore improve my play.

My target is to get into the top 400 of tourney play on Will Hill in order to enter the monthly freeroll, to try to satellite into bigger tournies and also to build my bankroll to £2k in time.

Anyway that’s enough of my rambling for one month and I will end with another text joke:-

Little Tommy on a farm, runs inside… “Mummy! The bulls fucking the cow!”
“No Tommy you must be polite & say the bull’s surprising the cow..”
Later Tommy runs in again.. “Mummy the bull’s surprising all the cows!”
“No Tommy, the bull can’t surprise all the cows?!”
“Yes he can, he’s fucking the horse!”

GL all


Sunday, 28 September 2008

Playing like a Clown

There's nothing worse than playing like a clown, someone telling you are a clown and then arguing the toss (like a complete clown) but thats what happened last night. I have been playing like a pillock for a couple of days so might as well have a truthful blog from the off and yesterday made a pretty bad play which hit a straight.(Chips all in from before the flop so no skill involved). Normally I would apologise and that would be that but the other player, obviously a tad unhappy, had a bit of a pop and, never having been too keen to back away from an argument, I proceeded to look an even bigger clown by trying to explain my reasoning behind my play. Having thought about it this might work in my favour as the fella plays a fair bit on my preferred site and probably has me pegged as a plank and with a bit of luck has notes on me as such. I made notes on each person on the table as "probably thinks I am a sh*t player" so that should I come up against them again I can hopefully rinse them with better play. Realistically people probably don't take notes on a one off play but you never know. (My argument was rubbish so may have drawn attention to me).

I would like to thank the couple of people who have offered me advice on books to read etc and offered PDF's, as feedback and advice is always welcome, unless the advice is to "f off and take up tiddly winks".

Having read a few other blogs there are obviously people with various levels of skill/experience and they are all, in the main, interesting. My hopes and aspirations for my poker are to see if I can first of all qualify for the attainable, like the Will Hill Caribbean Cruise or via free rolls and cheap satellites to larger buy in tournies, to give me a crack at some decent money but to be fair while I am playing with my big shoes, trousers and a red nose on I will stick to my small stakes until I can force myself to play sensibly. The clown issue still leaves me a few hundred £ up for the month but the lack of discipline is annoying.

Anyway I will post again at the end of the month with a profit/loss figure for September and with a bit of luck a positive update.

Joke of the day:-

3 women, 1 engaged, 1 married and 1 a mistress decide to treat their men by wearing black leather bras, stiletto heels and mask for when they arrive home from work. Following day the engaged woman says "my man leapt on me as soon as he saw me & made love to me all night!" The mistress adds "Me too. We had wild unhibited sex all night and all morning!" The married woman sighs "My husband came home, took 1 look at me and said "Whats for dinner Batman?!"

Cheers and gl


Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Learning Point No1

Is this the picture of the original dick head??

On nights now for a few days but managed to get to a couple of Final Tables on Monday night (unfortunately not the Super Series as I managed to bugger that up early doors)

Though these were decent results and gained £100 profit (not to be sniffed at) I made the same glaring errors in both.

In both tourneys I went out with flush draws after going all in after the flop after making a complete f"$k up of my odds calculations. Both times I had As Xs and the flop came spade spade gving me the nut flush draw.
I thought I was 50/50 and with my belief that I'd rather win a couple of tourneys than limp through the places I ploughed in happy with my chances.
However I have now found out that the chances were 35% (a major oversight having played poker for 3 years) and had I realised this would have waited for a better spot. Just goes to show these maths people are not complete tossers.

Not unhappy with £100 profit for the evening but lesson number 1 is to KNOW THE BASICS.

Everyone needs to commit simple odds to memory. (Pot odds I still can't get my head round but odds of turning a pair into a set, set to FH, open ended straight draws etc must be essential)

I will start to attach tourney lobbies to the blog for any decent results when I have worked out how to do it.

Not a bad nights efforts though.
7th in the £2 MTT @ 8pm got me £20 + shrapnel which paid for the night so far, so, as I was going to be on nights on Tuesday thought I might as well invest in the $5 guaranteed 11pm. ($25 entry)

Managed 7th place in this as well for $200 which wasn't bad but could have been better with the knowledge.

The above may make me sound like a complete novice and I am a novice to an extent but if you are learning you have to be improving.

Text joke of the day:-

Two men at airport. First man says "I can't find my Wife". Second says "I can't find mine either. What does yours look like?" 1st man says "She's 6ft tall, blonde, big tits, long legs, mini skirt, stockings, high heels and a boob tube. What's yours look like?" 2nd man says "F"%k her, we'll look for yours!"

Good luck - Gav

Monday, 22 September 2008


Where to start:-

I am a 40 year old married bloke trying to earn a little extra playing the game that we all love, hate, hate with a vengeance, detest and then love again.

I have been playing Poker for 3 years, mainly MTT's with the occasional STT thrown in when time is short.

You won't find me on the cash tables as I have been bitten a few times and just cannot seem to get to grips with it.

I have made a bigger profit year on year but this is currently £3.7k for 2008 so I'm hardly looking at going full time pro :)

Best wins to date have been winning both the £1.5k added and £1k added Super series within a week of each other in July this year just before going on Holiday which account for 2/3's of my winnings.

I was on fire and the holiday came at precisely the wrong time in some respects but the wins certainly helped and I got free spending money, a laptop, paid a few bills and still have a few bob to play with.

I will try to keep a roll of honour as I have seen others do and best results this month have been to win a couple of £2 MTT for £133 and £137 respectively.

I have a couple of questions below that if you are similar in standard to me you will recognise from a mile off.

I was going to call my blog WTF as that seems to be the what the main questions begin with when I'm playing poker. For example

  1. WTF was he thinking?
  2. WTF was I thinking?
  3. WTF am I doing? etc etc

Other questions that I can never seem to answer are :-

  1. Why, when someone is blatantly shit and seems determined to off their chips at the earliest opportunity and keeps winning all-ins with crap hands, do I then call them with even shitter marginal hands when I should know better? or

  2. Why do my fingers argue with my brain? I know I should fold and end up all in because my fingers are in control of my brain and are hearing different voices? (This may have something to do with alcohol but I'm only guessing.)
  3. Why are the people with the green pen always so chatty and always consider themselves better poker players than everyone else? (I play mainly on Will Hill but for those that don't this refers to the people that have been knocked out of tourneys).
  4. Why is it that Birmingham City can have what Alex McCleish describes as "their best game since he had been in charge" away at Bristol City and then what I would describe as "their shittest, most lack lustre" at home to Blackpool a few days later. No disrespect to all Blackpool fans but we have to beat the likes at home and away if we have any aspirations of playing Hull next season ;)

I will finish off each entry with a text joke that I have recieved. Apologies if any offend anyone but they are funny so sod the political correctness.

Paddy walks past a new pub and sees a sign in the window, "SPECIAL OFFER: Pies 50p, Wanks 10p". He couldn't believe his luck!. He goes in and sees a stunning barmaid and asks her. "Are you the one that gives wanks?" "Yes" she replies. "Well" he says " Wash your fucking hands, I want a pie!" Keep smiling.

I will try to keep this blog updated as often as I can and will appreciate any comments.

Should you have a blog that you would like me to add to the list just let me know your URL.

Cheers and good luck - Gav