Long time no post . . . .
Been very busy - reserved a new build apartment 2 weeks ago and get the keys on Friday. Very rushed but had to be as I had until 31st March to take advantage of a government Homebuy Direct Scheme where you get 80% mortgage and the builder/government put up the other 10% each on a 5 year interest free loan.
Really pleased with apartment - 2 bed, through kitchen lounge, balcony overlooking park. Loads to buy now but got most big stuff as currently renting. I'll post some photos when I'm in.
Poker - Built my meagre $100 to $500 but not been playing too much and just when I fancy it.
Been internet dating lols and have had 3 dates in 2 weeks but apparently they don't like you seeing other women. I'm like a kid in a sweet shop atm
Hope everyone is well and happy. Good luck
Wife comes home early and catches Hubby having a wank in the kitchen. She rushes over and gives him the blow job of his life.
Afterwards he says "We haven't had sex for 6 months and suddenly this . . . Why??"
She answers "I only washed the floor this morning. I'd rather clean my teeth than get the fuckin mop out again!!"
Irish newlyweds turn up at their hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks "Do you have reservations?"
Bride says "Well . . . . .I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse!!!"
Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, your fuckin next!!"
Woman goes to the Doctors and says "I'm getting too much discharge".
Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed". He puts on his latex gloves and applies 3 fingers into her vagina.
"How does that feel?" he asks.
"Fucking lovely" she replies "But the discharge is in my ear!"
Escaping the British Winter
1 hour ago