Saturday, 29 November 2008

Thank God I don’t do this for a living…

My losses are small and so are the majority of the wins apart from the odd few which tend to make 90% + of the difference but to play this game for your livelihood has to be something else. I honestly think I would not cope and would always be playing scared poker.

A negative month that could have been alot worse and I don’t deserve any better tbh.
Might as well post now as I will only be playing in the Bloggerment this weekend as I am going on the beer now and will not be playing while drunk. (though it couldn't get much worse and might loosen me up a bit)
No good moaning when you play like poo for the majority of the month and get a few bad beats at the end of it and with a holiday in between.
Finished minus £110 but if you add the £67 I carried over from last month it is really minus £177.

Have just been checking my profits for the year which currently stand at over £6k which doubles last year and puts things in a positive perspective. However with my current bankroll I will be hard pressed to match it in 2009.
My aim for December is just to be profitable and build to £400 – £500 bankroll to be able to start with for the new year.

I thinking cashing down to £300 a few weeks ago may have been a mistake as I am now feeling a bit short but as I have only ever deposited once on WillHill I want to keep that record intact so will just have to chip away at it.

Will post my total end of year stats at the end of December obv along with a couple of objectives for 2009.

That’s it. A short one by my normal standards.

GL all.

Joke –
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when Iam in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead.

Monday, 24 November 2008


Back from my holiday and tbh it was good to have a break from poker and I now feel fully refreshed and ready for a renewed battle to try and build my roll back up.
I read a book or 2 while I was away (fuck off all those whose first thoughts were "Janet and John").
I read Kill Everyone by Lee Nelson, Tysen Streib and Kim Lee and though I don't agree with everything in the book (probably down to not understanding the maths completely) there was still alot to take from it and I am certainly going to change aspects of my game.
Tried a couple of small MTT's last night and found it more enjoyable having instigated the tweaks and though I did not win either I cashed a bit in one to get monies back and enjoyed it far better than just waiting things out.
The above authors had a previous book Kill Phil so I should probably have read that first and will do soon.

On a different note the Manager of Birmingham has been e-mailing fans after each game with his thoughts on the match and I am not sure whether this is done by other clubs but it would be interesting if you could reply to the mail (you can't) with your own thoughts on the game.
I certainly can't moan about the Blues at the moment as we are 2nd in the Championship but it would certainly be a bit funny if your team was languishing at the bottom of your league as you could reply:-

Dear Nobby (Manager),

Thanks for your latest mail regarding your thoughts on our latest performance against Rollover City. I must admit that I was looking forward to the game as they had lost their previous 32 away from home with a goal difference of -215.
You can imagine my disappointment at our 6-0 loss and would like to make a few suggestions on possible changes to team selection and training methods:-
1) I believe our full back (Joey McFukwit) needs to be upfront and stay there particularly when the opposition have a corner. His 2 own goals certainly did not help and the fact that the Rollover forwards congratulated him and he had his arms aloft does not bode well. If he does this the correct end we might have a chance. Also could you check his bank accounts for deposits as his diving header for the first looked a little out of place too.
2) I believe that that our left back (Dick Curtain-Wipe) needs to swap places with our keeper (Donny Flap) as this is his 3rd sending off for hand-ball in as many games and yet Donny stops a shot and spends the next 5 minutes blowing on his hands to take the pain away.
3) Have you thought about my previous offer of using my spare barn doors for shooting practice? I am now more than happy to relinquish to clause that you would have to pay for any damage as I can see this is unlikely and I do not think they would be in any danger from 5 yards let alone the free kicks that we discussed.
4) When we (your loyal fans) start singing "You're shit and you know you are" can you please ask the front pair and midfield not to turn round, point to the defense and join is as this must be a little discouraging and we were singing at all of you.
5) When I went to the bar in the last match your ever effective scheme of employing staff from every nation known to man was again brought to the fore when my change had yet another currency in it. I can't remember what it was at the moment but when I googled it I needed 26570000 more to buy a loaf of bread in their economy so if I you could either provide change in £GBP or set up a bureau de change that would be fantastic.
I think thats it for now Nobby. Take no notice of the fans calling for your head, though the buggers with the meat cleavers did look a bit fucking naughty. I don't think they really know where you live but you might want to defend yourself a little better than you manage with our goal or move to where my change came from.


Fan A


My missus asked me to make love to her like they do in the movies, so I stuck it up her arse and came on her face, while shouting "Take that BITCH!" From the look on her face I'd hazard a guess that we don't watch the same movies.

Gl all..

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

This is a hard and long learning curve….

If you don’t want to read about my woes miss out the first paragraph :)

The poker gods must think I need a bit of hardship as they think a plague of defeats will make me stronger in the long run.
Why they can’t just let a plague of locusts infest my underpants for a couple of days while I play in discomfort I don’t know. This is not to be and I am still playing through the pain barrier having a few bad beats (to be expected) but am playing much better the last few days but need some breaks.
This has lasted a fortnight which seems like forever and is probably classed as a minor swing but I’ve never had one for this long before. How long can it last?
There are probably a few out there thinking WTF is he moaning about but this is all relative to the stakes you play and could take me a bit of time to get back.

Thank the good normal Lord that I go on holiday this weekend.

In hindsight it would have been better to set the alarm to watch the Calzaghe fight instead of playing poker while drinking copious amounts of beer and would have saved me a hefty chunk of bankroll. To add insult to injury I feel asleep at the end of the 2nd round.
My bankroll went down to a few quid under £800 which is a hefty fall over the past couple of weeks so I have decided to withdraw £500 to pay off a few bills and my car tax and leave myself with just under £300.
The thought process behind this is that I am going to play the small tournies that are usually the bread and butter and then I will have to build again to a reasonable level. It will also ensure that I do not have stupid bets as I will appreciate the value of my bankroll more.

I have also decided to have a complete rest on Tuesday nights (there are no value tournies on WillHill on a Tuesday to miss out on) and Thursday’s (Am at college anyway). This, I hope, will give me a couple of nights off to feed the poker hunger.

Anyway this is the last post for a week or so thanks to my holiday on Saturday so I wish you all the best. I have bought a couple of strategy books to read by the pool so hopefully might learn a thing or two.
Part of me wishes I was here for the next week as a lot of players will be on the CPC so there may be even better value in the WillHill Super Series but I am sure that once the all-inclusive aspect of the holiday kicks in I won’t even remember my name.

Joke :-

A man goes up to a stunner in Tesco and says “I’ve lost my Wife. Will you talk to me for a few minutes?” The woman looking puzzled asks, “Why talk to me?” Fella says “Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours my fuckin Wife appears out of nowhere.”

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Master mind he is not....

Now normally when one of your kids gets arrested it’s not funny.
However when they have not knowingly done anything wrong and they then make it blindingly obvious they will never make a master criminal anyway it becomes quite funny.
My 15 year old lad was offered and accepted some building work at half term and on his way home from work was arrested for being in a stolen car. He didn’t know it was stolen and I was called in to assist with the interview.
Below is a transcript of sorts:

Mr Plod “Did you discuss the car you were in at all?”
Callum “No”

A little later with no further prompts

Callum “I think he bought it cheap though”
Mr Plod “What did he buy cheap?”
Callum “The car”
Mr Plod “How do you know? I thought you hadn’t discussed it”
Callum “Just guessing”
Mr Plod “Does X have any insurance for the car?”
Callum “I’m not sure but I don’t think he’s got a licence” (Who needs friends like that?)

Mr Plod knew I was dying to tell the pillock to shut up and tbh I thought he was going to ask for 50 other offences to be taken into account (for stealing lollipops off his brothers).

He will be on TV on Britains Dumbest Criminals when he tries to rob a bank but forgets to cut the eye holes out of his balaclava.

Told his Mom to ground him but she said she hadn’t done anything wrong so why should she be punished by having to look at his gormless mug all week. Fair enough I suppose.

On to poker and I’m still losing but am playing better (if that’s supposed to be any consolation). Bankroll down to £850 due to the pub singing fooker staying in X-Factor and losing run but still got enough so no worries there.

Joke:- This is totally politically and everything else incorrect so apologies in advance

Shagged a deaf and dumb girl last night but felt so ashamed I broke all her fingers so she couldn’t tell anyone.

GL all

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Got to get the SHIT outta me....

I have got to get the shit out of my system. I am just throwing my money away at the moment through poo play and it has nothing to do with bad beats or the like it is pure and simple not being aggressive enough early doors, getting too aggro with the wrong hands or attempting bluffs at the wrong time.
Admittedly as I have stuck to small stakes it has only cost me a small % of my roll but it is the annoyance rather than the cash that is pissing me off.

Put £50 or $80 into Full tilt purely to play bloggerment but am down to $25 and have only played one, chucking through STT's when I have been knackered. One thing it has taught me though is that bankroll management is important so will be using my last $25 wisely and trying to build it up rather than have to deposit more.
Not moaning about anything other than me and if the pc could do a ditty I am sure it would be "You're shit and you know you are....".
Been through this before and I will get through it soon enough but could do with a couple of final tables before I go away.
Anyways that's enough of this negative crap.
Joke -
Priest and Nun on a camel in the Sahara desert when the camel drops dead leaving them doomed. Realising their fate the Priest asks the Nun to expose her tits and she agrees providing he exposes his cock. They fondle each other and the Priest gets an erection. "You know if I put this in the right place I can create life" said the Priest. "Stick it up the camels arse then and lets get the f*ck out of here then" said the Nun.
Good luck all


Monday, 3 November 2008

The good, the bad .....

The good -

My blog won the UKgatsby award for blog of the month. I would like to thank the poker widow (Mrs Gav), my reader and my family for helping me achieve this great honour.
UKgatsby also has a jokey dig at my iffy jokes at the end of each post.
Not sure where he's coming from as I haven't mentioned the Toon Army once but I have heard that David and Victoria Beckham are thinking about buying the club as Brooklyn's Xmas present because he said he wanted a cowboy outfit :)

Entered the bloggerment that HairyGymnast.Com organised last night on Full Tilt and a very friendly affair it was too. Bubbled in 4th unfortunately but will making this a regular. I like the fact that it is a Thunder and is over in little over an hour. (I play under SOTV on Full Tilt (Shit on the Villa)).

The bad -

There is a downside to producing an honest blog and that is that sometimes you have to admit you are a complete cock (no comments needed on that tyvm).
Hopefully just the fact that I am posting this will mean I do not repeat this.

Having had another shyt Saturday regarding footie bets I sat down to watch the X-Factor while playing poker. (I could say that its the Wife's fault but I would probably watch it anyways tbh)

Anyways I was 100% sure that the pub singer Daniel was going to walk this week and backed it with £150 @ 1/2 before the off.
As soon as the bet was confirmed I was thinking "What the fook have I done that for" and even told the Mrs that I had fooked up and win or lose would never be risking as much on a poxy reality show again especially as it takes time to win the money on poker tournies to start with. Add this to the fact that in my last post I advised that I was going to set up a separate betting account so that bets would not affect my bankroll and it was even more stupid!!

I was still shocked though when he was the first confirmed as to having survived as were the judges.

I do not feel the slightest bit better having written about it but there you go.
As I have said it was not the fact that the bet lost. It was the fact that I risked £150 of my hard earned roll at all on something so daft and inane.

Joke -

Paddy stumbles across a mass baptism at a river.. He walks into the river and stands next to the preacher.. "Are you ready to find Jesus my Son".. Paddy says "I am Sir".. Preacher puts him under the water the says "Have you found Jesus?" "No Sir" says Paddy... He puts him under for longer... "Have you found Jesus?" "No Sir".. So the preacher puts him under for 2 minutes... "Have you found Jesus?" Paddy says "No and you're killing me here. Are you sure this is where he fucking fell in?"

Good luck all