Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Tbh, though people might say I've cocked up, I withdrew $1400 from FT as it just wasn't moving (apart from downhill), left myself $100 and have moved it up to $360 so I think it might have helped not only Xmas but also concentration.
Deposited £30 on WillHill and just came 3rd in a £5 added value for £83 so will try to build on that as well.
Anyway my lad has just taken up poker and has just started a blog asking for advice and as with all kids just thinks his Dad's a muppet.
If you are happy to help him out please leave a comment on BluenoseandSon and if he manages to stop wanking for 5 minutes he might get to read it. I reckon he's already lost his job he professes to have, so providing Amatay doesn't point him towards any sites that make him want to rip his cock off he might try to find another.
Anyways good luck all and thanks in advance for any help and assistance you can give him
Went out last night dressed to kill . . . . . . . . . Beard, sandals, turban and backpack.
Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!"
Edit - Just read his profile and he likes Michael Buble - Fuck him!!!. H'es not mine.
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Then home to bed clutching the inevitable bottle of whatever I end up drinking last and go again from half 10 Sunday for the Villa - Blues game. SOTV for those that are wondering stands for Shit On The Villa.
TBH having lost the last 6 games to the Vile I'll settle for a point as it would stop the rot and save alot of earache from the claret and blue half of my mates and I think we have a chance. Aghbonlahor, who has scored 3 goals in 4 games against us, is out. Albrighton, who I rate, is suspended, their Captain, Petrov is injured and they've got Heskey (need I say more).
Here's hoping anyways . . . . .
On the poker front I'm plodding along and the roll is currently at $1.8k but I'm not making much progress as I seem too tight (without a drink) and too aggressive (with a drink) and need to find some MTT with between 100-200 players as opposed to the 90 manners on FT so will probably have to look for a new site to try out.
Only other news is that I'm looking at buying a flat sharpish as I hate renting as it's dead money. I need to get my name taken off the mortgage I had with the ex and she doesn't fancy playing ball at the moment so I'll have to keep trying without putting undue pressure on her. We've sorted out the finances and most of the separation agreement and I want to avoid sniping and arguing if at all possible as that has cost me in the past with regard to seeing my kids and financially when the solicitors get more out of it than you do.
Thats it for now. Hope everyone is winning and . . . . . . . SOTV.
"Give it here"
"No, it's mine"
"Let me have it"
"Its my turn!"
"You had it last"
"Come on gimme it"
"But it's my go!!!"
. . . . . . .Siamese twins having a wank
Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh & Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash, pulls her knickers down and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse he turns to Louis and says "Your turn".
Louis starts crying.
"Whats wrong?" says Simon.
Louis sobs "My head won't fit in the railings!!"
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Now I need the bloody $$ I'm break even which is a pain.
TBH now I'm in my flat I'm playing less as opposed to more as I have to do bloody housework (never knew what that was before).
I've realised it's not worth ironing anything as I end up with more creases than when I started and if I'm going to shave my head it's probably best to do it before I clean the bathroom and not 5 minutes after I've finished doing it.
Also working nights puts paid to 7 nights out of every 21.
I still enjoy the game but would really like to win a few $$ a month to take the pressure off with Crimbo and car tax due.
Bankroll at 1.7k as took $500 out to pay for a golf trip.
Came close last night though finishing 23/2027 in a $24 MTT on FT for $145ish when it was just under $10k ftw. Now that would have been nice :).
Hope everyone else is doing okay -
Joke - (3 for the price of one as my blogging is a little sparce at the moment)
The police came to my front door last night, holding a picture of my Wife. They said "Is this your Wife Sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes!". They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident". I said "I know but she has a lovely personality!"
Teacher asks class to put the word contagious in a sentence.
Ron says "The measles are contagious".
Katie says "There is a bug going round and it's contagious"
Little Johnny says "My neighbour's painting his house with a 2 inch brush and Dad says it will take the contagious!!"
Lost my job as a lifeguard yesterday.
Apparently refusing a Muslim entry to the pool whilst tapping the "No bombing" sign isn't the done thing.
Good luck all
Thursday, 2 September 2010
A few things have happened the past couple of months which took slightly greater priority than the blog. . . . .
Split with the Mrs. Its been on the cards for a while as I was blogging on the possibilities of it happening 12 months ago.
Done now though, finances sorted and our Son (Cameron) seems happier now things have settled down and he can stay over at the flat I'm renting while I look for one to buy.
On the positive ( apart from every fucker calling me Grandad) I'm now a Grandad to Ella-Rose who was born in July and should be again in the next fortnight so am more than happy with that as my Son and his Mrs, though young are doing a great job.
Back on shifts from next week so nights here we come.
Just starting to try and concentrate on poker after 2 months of minimal play and all winnings would be handy at the moment which means I'll probably fuck the bank roll up the wall after a night out (Hope not tho its $2k)
Thats about it for now.
Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I dont think its in yet"
He replies "Yeah, thats the one!!!"
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Praying for a decent result tomorrow so come onnnn England.
Then for Chile to get a miraculous win against Brazil.
Apologies for the lack of a joke. I wiped all my texts in a drunken error.
Pokers shyt. Not played much as concentrating on the footie but up approx $300 for the month.
Monday, 21 June 2010
Not going to mention England's performance in the World Cup as it's been done to death everywhere and a decent result Wednesday will calm things down for a bit and if not . . . . . .
However having backed Chile for a few quid more than what I had on Mr McDowell they look like they should get through but will then have to face either Brazil or Portugal so there is a long long way to go yet and having watched todays game against Switzerland they are going to have to use their heads a bit more if they are going to progress.
Anyways that's enough from me and I hope your all having a decent time.
Paddy says to Mick "I'm being operated on tomorrow".
Mick replies "Oh. What are they going to do?"
Paddy says "Circumcise me!"
Mick says "I had that done when I was a few days old."
Paddy asks "Does it hurt?"
Mick replies "I couldn't walk for a year!!"
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Free bet on 888.com where if you are a new customer and bet up to £20 they refund your first stake if it loses and you can withdraw it straight away rather than have to gamble it 50k times before its eligible.
It's limited to 1000 a day but as far as I can see you can have a flutter on who will win the World Cup and if you lose put the money back in your bank.
I think I'll back the Dutch with mine as I've already had a few quid on Chile.
Hope you're all winning
Give £2 to a hungry African and all they do is buy a fucking trumpet!!!
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Great fortnight away but I have played prob 10 x $13 90 manners and even though I bubbled one tonight I have been playing shyt and making shtoopid decisions.
Could really do with sorting it out as the funds would be really appreciated but think I need to put that to the back of my mind in order to play properly.
Obv looking forward to the World Cup from Friday and providing Heskey trains on his own we might be okay. Have took advice from Wildcat and backed Chile a while back and the fuckers have gone out in price since the initial tip (certainly not moaning about the tip just my luck with the price) and will also be betting on Spain with a patriotic few quid on England (with a saver that we go out on penalties).
Other than that I have f all to say . . .
Good luck - Gav
Karma Sutra position number 52 - "The Pirate"
When going at it doggy style, just as you are about to cum, pull out and spit on her back so she thinks you've finished.
When she turns round unleash a blast right in her face to stun and amaze her!
Known as the pirate because she'll put her hand over her eye and say "Aarrghhh!!!"
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Don't get to see the sea much in Brum (unless global warming gets a move on) so can't wait to get going.
Ended up $350 up for May but I've been playing like a proper twat the past week and can't blame bad play by any villain, suck outs etc and I have lost half the $$ I gained playing pissed a week ago. (Going to have 1 more $13 90 man KO around 5ish before we go to the airport to see if I can leave on a positive)
Bankroll at just under $1.4k and though I hate setting targets I could do with getting it to $2k before my next hol (last week July) and approx $5k by Xmas so I can withdraw $3k to pay off some bills and have a free Xmas.
Looking forward to a couple of weeks away from the laptop and see if I come back hungry to play.
I wish anyone going to the WSOP all the best.
Now where are those mini Speedo's??
2 jokes today . . .
The lead actor in our local pantomime "Aladdin" was arse raped on stage last night.
To be fair the audience did try to warn him!!
A woman is given a hospital tour. She looks in a room and sees a man wanking. "Thats awful" she says to a Doctor. He explains that the man has an incurable condition. His testicles fill with semen so fast that if he doesn't have a wank at least 5 times a day he is in agony. "Poor man." says the woman.
In the next room she spots a nurse sucking a mans cock.
"Explain that then" she says to the Doctor.
He replies "The same condition but he's with BUPA!!"
Thanks for reading - Gav
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Was playing in a 135 man $11 Rush tourney and was double the average and got dealt AA and raised to 700 (blinds 100/200). Folds to big stack who calls and the blinds fold. Flop Kxx. I bet 700 and he raises all in. He has K8 and turn K river 8. Fuck off but I suppose we have good and bad and that was only one of a few hands that have got on my tits over the past few days.
Okay I'll piss off now I've had my rant.
FT Bankroll @ $1.6K so a few 100 up for the month so not all bad but I want moooore!!
A Pakistani has died while training to be a sky diver. Sources at the National English Skydivers Association School have stated that they have no idea how his snorkel and flippers failed to open!!
Sunday, 16 May 2010
Still can't get out the doghouse tho!!
Got a Granddaughter due 11/07/1o and Grandson due 07/09/10 and $$ can't hurt lol so congrats to my lads.
I might be a moaning fukka but I'm enjoying the way it's working out as its maturing them. (But not moi!!)
Love my lads loads and can't wait. . . .
And this is pure class. A lesson to us all . . . ~You may have seen it , , , ,
Joke . .. .
2 fish in a tank, 1st says to the second
"Any idea how to drive this fuckin thing!!"
Saturday, 8 May 2010
I preferred my first thought to be honest especially with the expenses fiddling fuckers and cocks who can't check their mikes are turned off. Imagine the dopey fucker making the same mistake at the G8.
Pokers a bit up and down at the moment. I don't think I'm rolled for the $26 90 man KO's yet so will have to stick to the $13 ones. Played $100 split between them last night before giving up as I couldn't win a hand even when miles in front so thought I'd better just call it a night.
Still up for the month but looking forward to my hols in a fortnight as it forces me not to play which I'm shit at doing on my own.
Good luck all . . .
A couple are driving home and run over a badger. They get out of the car and find that it's still breathing but freezing cold.
Husband says "Put it between your legs and warm it up".
His Wife replies "But it's all wet and it stinks".
Hubby replies "Well hold the badgers fucking nose then!!"
Monday, 3 May 2010
Next season will be the big test as we need a new keeper as Joe Hart will definately be going back to Man City and we need 2 strikers who might be able to find the net regularly. I'm not sure whether it's worth keeping Benitez as, even though he's a handful for defenders, his strike rate is shyte and we could put the £8m towards better.
On the poker front I keep losing and then getting back the shark status on Sharkscope but could do with being a couple of hundred $$ in front so it stays there. The thing is S/Scope doesn't take into account knockout $$ which would help. Spent most of the Steps I had and entered a $70+$5 knockout MTT on FT with the main one and got 5 knockouts to get the $$ back but went out when 90+/400+ when ran 99 into QQ when to be fair I knew I was beat but couldn't find the fold after raising and being put all in. I should have waited for a better spot as the top 45 got paid but made a stupid mistake. Oh well. Hopefully I'll learn from it. $150 up for the month and will be playing the PokerPlayer freeroll, the SuperSeries on WillHill and a couple of $26 90 man knockouts later as I've done the family bit all day which was thoroughly enjoyable and has got me some poker brownie points.
Hope you're all winning.
A man and his Wife are having a stroll around the zoo. As they walk past the gorilla cage they notice he has a hard-on and is gazing at the mans Wife.
The man says "Lift your skirt and tease him". The gorilla goes mental.
"Get your tits out!" The gorilla goes berserk.
The Husband opens the cage and throws his Wife in . . . . .
"Now tell him you've got a fuckin headache!!"
Friday, 30 April 2010
Getting Fulham to a European final has to be the best achievement of the season in my book and fair play to the fella as he's not the most inspiring bloke to listen to.
On the poker front I'm posting a $500 (£325) profit for the month which I'm happy with even if I have dropped $200 since my last post. FT roll currently stands at $1k. However I've been doing a few low stakes Steps and am starting the month with 1 x Step 1, 2 x Step 3 and a Step 4 which isn't counted in the profits so will try turn that into funds over the weekend. I might try just building Steps in the week to aim at weekend shots but we'll see.
Hope you're doing well
American, Frenchman, Englishman and Pakistani are standing on the top of the Eiffel Tower. American throws a load of money over the edge. "What did you do that for?" the others ask. "We have so much money in the states that I can afford to". He replies.
The Frenchman throws a case of Champagne over the side and says "We have so much fine Champagne here that I can throw as much as I like over".
The Pakistani looks at the Englishman and says "DON'T YOU FUCKIN DARE!!"
Sunday, 25 April 2010
This month is proving rather good since I played the FT 90 player knock outs and I'm currently at $700 profit as this weekend has gone quite well.
My FT roll currently stands at $1.2k.
Will probably lose the shark status by Wednesday so I'll post it for posterity.
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Just came 2nd in a $20 90 manner but can't believe I didn't win.
I was murdering the FT and just thought I could carry on but stopped hitting anything and got rivered FTW when holding top pair vs gut shot which hit.
$280 profit for the night but should have been double.
Oh well. Good night . .
Late edit - In all honesty I had a load of luck and could have gone out alot earlier so happy enough with the 2nd.
Just seen this lad on Soccer AM and googled his rapping in jumpoffs and found this 44 second piece that just kills his opponent and is class and I've never took any notice before.
I lost in a pub quiz by 1 point . . . . . .
The question was "Where do women mostly have curly hair?"
Apparently its Africa!!
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Only played a few games over the past few days but can't get moving as a lack of energy and thick headedness is reflected in no aggression and no concentration so the profits have dwindled to $100 for the month.
Following one numb nut Son telling me I am to become a Grandad in July my other one decided that a stupidity club with one member would be a lonely one and informed me over the weekend that his Mrs is also with Child.
His argument that I had him when I was 21 didn't really hold up when I explained I had a job and a house by the time he came along and he has neither ffs.
I'm surprised he had the energy to give her one tbh as he's such a lazy git but the merry-go-round starts again with regard to buying baby stuff (which I don't mind) but I worry that neither of them have even had a life yet which was the one that thing I regretted when my mates were off on holidays and buying decent motors in their early 20's.
Neither of them live with me but I see them all the time and yet their Mother is still looking at me as if it's down to me.
I'm not really a grouchy old tool and even though they know how a feel to an extent I'm not telling them everything as they need to find things out for themselves and may not be fussed about the same things I was.
Anyways enough of the grouchy old man routine.
A young lad was sat in class scratching his crotch. The teacher asks him whats wrong and embarressed he tells her that he has been circumcised and it's a bit itchy.
His teacher tells him to go the the reception and ring his Mom for some advice.
He comes back with his cock hanging out!!
The teacher shouts "What on earth are you doing?"
"Well Miss, Mum said if I could stick it out til lunchtime she'd come and get me!"
Saturday, 17 April 2010
I was reading through my previous posts and suppose I would have thought I would have been playing bigger stakes by now but due to withdrawals for essentials etc I'm still where I was when I started.
The fact is though when I was discussing with the Wife what poker has paid for, that would either not have happened without the funds or would have gone on credit cards, overdaft etc were the funds not available it's certainly been worthwhile so far.
Looking forward to going back to Turkey for a fortnight in May and again in July as I love the place.
Not sure whether I've mentioned previously on the blog but we bought a small apartment out there 5 years ago and now that we have got it fully kitted out it's like having a home from home and it's provided us with a life focus which is achieveable and gives us complete motivation in why we do what we do and to save our hard earned cash where possible.
Our plan is that at some point we go there initially for 3 and then 6 months at a time to see how we get on and then spend a max of 9 months a year there and 3 months here. Not talking about anytime soon as we have a 10 year old to get through education and look after first and foremost but at the same time it's still a 10 year plan.
It's a cracking place and we have friends that live there and look after the place for the 48 weeks a year we are not there and make sure there are no issues etc.
Turkey's a massive place but if you are even remotely interested have a look at this list of things to do in the local area.
There is one downside but I'm not sure that you are allowed to play on-line poker over there as the dream was that poker might pay for the beer at weekends or the shopping as I can't imagine not playing poker as I do love the game.
Winning the WSOP would help but I'll settle for poker paying for stuff for the time being.
Hope your all doing well . .
I've got loads of jokes for a change so you can have 2 today. . .
Paddy's Wife goes to the Doctors complaining that after 10 years of marriage she had never had an orgasm. The Doctor advised her to relax and use a fan to keep her cool during sex. Paddy refused to pay out for a fan and asked his mate if he would mind waving a towel while they made love, but still she didn't orgasm. The next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over, so Paddy's mate made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing sex she'd ever had she had her first orgasm. Paddy looked at his mate and said . . . . . . "That my old Son is how to flap a fucking towel!!!".
The Wife has thrown me out because she's fed up of me wanking in bed every night.
She said it was getting on her tits.
Friday, 9 April 2010
Having posted negatively I then get a 3rd and 7th in 2 x 90 manners yesterday and am back up to the $250 profit mark for the month.
However I have a question around whether I am playing the game correctly around the bubble and want to give an example as a MTT yesterday is a prime example of what I do. I know I’m TAG and yesterday played the $11 Super Stack on FT that started at 6pm with just over 1600 fish and the top 162 paid.
4 and a half hours later we are down to 172 and I’ve got 23k chips and though the average is a lot higher I can easily make the min money.
Blinds are 1000/500 with an ante and I’m 4th to bet and get dealt AK. There is a raise to 2k and a further raise to 6k from a serial raiser and I decide to shove. Both call and the early raiser shows 1010 and the serial raiser AK (so tbh I was wrong about him on this occasion). 10 on the flop and I’m gone.
The question is should I have just gone for the min cash knowing that it normally goes a bit mad after the bubble bursts and try and ladder a couple of dollars or was it right to try and triple up to approx 70k and be in the top 20/30 or so?
Min cash was $19 and then it went up a couple of $$ a time.
This isn’t a one off at all as sometimes it works and obv sometimes it won’t but it was $3.5k ftw and after my previous post and having outlasted 90% of the field I wanted to give myself a fair crack.
I suppose I’ve answered my own question with the thought process around it but would be interested in any feedback. (It’s supposed to be a poker blog after all)
Hope your all well blah blah
Camilla says to the Queen “Every time I suck Charles’ cock I get acid indigestion.
The Queen replies “Have you tried Andrews?”
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Still in a profit for the month of about $150 but I haven't cashed in 10-12 in the 90 manner $13 on FT which I appreciate is f*ck all but its annoying me.
Definately annoying me more though is that since my lad moved in with his pregnant girlfriend its cost me a feckin fortune in helping with their rent and bills.
They reckoned they had the rent sorted and now it appears they hadn't and they haven't got a clue about bankroll (I mean money) management.
The worst thing is they've been properly having me and the girlfriends parents over by pleading poverty and having money from all sides including Grandparents and we are back to square one this month as they've been living the life of Riley.
They're in for a shock this weekend though as they don't realise that I've been in contact with her Mom and we've realised their tricks and we're going round on Sunday together to sort all the shit out and explain how things work (or something along those lines).
Don't get me wrong we will help in any way we can as they can't survive on what they get but piss taking I will not accept.
Anyways rant over and you're probably not interested anyways :p.
Going to back the Grand National tips noted on ScoopTroop as the fella gives good reasoning behind them and have also backed Angel Cabrera, Camilo Villegas, Anthony Kim, Dustin Johnson and Charl Shwartzel for the Masters and will more than likely back a couple more after the cut if these balls it up.
Right I need to pay bills for my house and maintenance on our apartment, pay my lads rent, food and utility bills and go on holiday the End of May so I reckon £10k might put me in front.
Good luck all -
A couple run out of money and decide the Wife should go on the game. Hubby says "You stand on the pavement and I'll wait round the corner". A car stops and the Wife goes over. "How much?" asks the punter. "£100" says the Wife.
"What do I get for £20? Its all I've got." He says.
"Hold on" she says and runs around the corner to ask her Hubby what to do.
"Just give him a blow job then" he says.
She climbs into the motor, undoes his trousers and takes out the biggest cock she's ever seen. She gets back out of the car and runs back to her Husband and says . . . . . .
"Fuckin hell. You need to lend him £80!!!!!"
Saturday, 3 April 2010
Small excursion to the bookies (Its my holiday too you know!) and back later this evening for the results etc, beer and MOTD.
Having played probably 8 $13 90 manner s&g knockouts and had a 2nd and 3rd for a $250ish profit in the last 2 nights since I've been here which is decent and can't really play too much as I like my nuts where they are.
Hope you're having a decent weekend.
Went to the Doctors the other day. It was a new female doctor, she was young and drop dead gorgeous. I groaned, "Oh no, I'm so embarressed".
She said "Don't worry, I'm A professional. I've seen it all. Just tell me what's wrong and I will help you any way I can."
I said "I think my cock tastes funny!!"
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Was a bit the worse for wear when I played and did a blog post Saturday. Reckon I went $130 approx down before winning one for $288.
Yesterday just played one for $54 and a couple of KO's and today 2 for 6 KO's and a 2nd.
Admittedly its probably not going to be sustainable but I'll take it tyvm.
Going down to Devon Thursday night til Sunday and though I'll defo be taking the laptop I'll be strung up by my nads if I play too much.
Hope everythings okay with everyone else . .
Two women were talking.
"Do you look at your Husbands face when you're having sex?" asked the 1st woman.
"I did once and he looked really angry." Replied the 2nd.
"Why angry?" asked the 1st
"Because he was watching through the window!!"
Not the best I'll admit.
Saturday, 27 March 2010
My win of the other day introduced the button under the guise "Invincible".
You don't see the button. It's like the door to Narnia (remember that?) If not it was like Harry Potter for the older people.
This is where mere mortals get above themselves and try it on against people that haven't got a clue or, as in my case, can,t fold.
Therefore it seems I haven't got a clue
I'm SOTV (Shit On The Villa)
Late edit. Sod the extra button. The above tourney happened after the post which will prob confuse the issue but I don,t know how to move the pic so it,s probably confused the point.
Thanks and goodnight.
Thursday, 25 March 2010
TBH, even though I always have it within me to make a ricket from time to time, it was an ex-Manager along with the IT Service Centre Director that were interviewing me so I was at a definate advantage as potentially cocking up an hours interview was never going to undo 3 years knowledge of your work.
So back setting up an Out of Hours night shift with working instructions, process and procedures blah blah etc for me.
Can't wait as everyone needs a new challenge from time to time and they've agreed to carry on the existing sponsorship of my PT Foundation Degree.
Anyways Happy Days
Joke of sorts
I hate Spring, my eyes are constantly streaming, sore and itchy and I blame women for this.
If they didn't wear such revealing clothes then they wouldn't need the pepper spray.
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Still going to play it though and am planning to use the roll which is now just over $200 for over the next 3 days while I'm off work watching the Cheltenham festival. Will be having a few beers this arvo and will no doubt be taking risks later when my head thinks chasing hands is a cracking idea. Will try not to but its kind of inevitable.
Really looking forward to a relaxing couple of days and as my cars booked in at a mates garage to have a new cam, head skimmed and a service until Friday afternoon it seems a good excuse for a beer though I've also got to finish a couple of assignments.
On the work front my firm has picked up a new contract for the Environment Agency looking after their IT and I've decided to go for a role on it. Having worked on the current contract for 4 years I feel I'm stagnating and the Service Centre looks too top heavy with gaffers so there's nowhere to go. Historically if you are in at the start of a contract and hit the ground running it's a good opportunity to show what you can do and kick on so I'm hoping I can get on it.
I've been told that I've been earmarked to look after the Out of Hours team again as I set one up on the current contract so I'm hoping I don't fook up the assessment day. No ale or poker the night before that believe me.
Anyways enough wittering about work.
Will be taking up the Bet365 offer of a free bet if you back winners over 4/1 on Channel4 races (funnily enough the bookie in the local doesn't do any such offers) and one I will be backing is Kalahari King so I'd better go and find my lucky pants.
Also as BurnleyMik has put on his post sign up for this petition if you are pissed off with rising fuel prices
Man goes to the Docs and says "I've been shagging the Wife for 10 years now and she's getting a bit loose. Is there anything you can suggest to tighten her up abit?"
"Well" says the Doc, "This is a bit of a taboo subject but have you tried going up the other hole?"
The fella replies "WHAT? And risk getting her pregnant!"
Sunday, 14 March 2010
I know purists will say its not real poker but it's good to play with the freedom that I'm not up against tracking software (at least I don't think I am) as the game is too quick and I'm enjoying being aggressive though I tend to win $40 and then donate $30 back at times due to set miners etc.
I'm really enjoying it though as I'm not playing for hours at a time and only when I feel like it.
The footie challenge took a backward step with both bets turned over but have 2 bets left to try and rescue it.
Only working Mon/Tue this week and then have 3 days off for Cheltenham. Not going as I need all the cash I can get at the moment but with Wednesday and Friday in the local with the resident bookie and Thursday finishing a couple of assignments I am really looking forward to it.
Thats it for now. Good luck all with the pokerage and general gamblings.
My girlfriend said I couldn't multi-task so I decided to prove her wrong.
Having a piss while recieving a blow job probably wasn't the best way to do it!!
Friday, 12 March 2010
Saturdays picks are -
Spurs - 4/9
Northampton - 4/11
Rushden - 4/9
Lyon - 4/11
AEK Athens - 1/2
Braga - 4/9
£5 returns £42
Sundays are -
Barca - 2/5
AC Milan 4/11
Kaiserslauten - 4/9
Feyenoord - 2/5
Sporting Lisbon - 4/7
Bursaspor - 4/9
£5 returns £44
Lets hope it gets off to a winning start as my roll is left with a tenner to bail me out.
GL on the felt. I'm still playing a bit but closing down when I lose interest for a change
Saturday edit - Lyon fookers - footies rigged lol
Sunday edit - That ones gone up the wall as well. £10 left
Man at chemist says "I need poison!"
Chemist replies "I'm sorry I can't sell you that."
Fella shows him his marriage certificate.
Chemist says "I'm sorry Sir. I didn't realise you had a prescription!"
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
There have been a few challenges set and achieved turning a few dollars into $10k on the poker front but I'm going to have a go with gambling on the footie.Poker is going nowhere at the moment and tbh thats probably through boredom resulting in bad play and I'm bored of playing and ending up level. A break will do me good I reckon.So, even though I've left it late for this season, I'm going to set myself a challenge of turning £20 into over £1k (initially) betting on the footie.
My plan is that the £20 will give me 4 goes at starting with a fiver as this is at least involving a form of BRM.
I plan to back 6 teams at a time at roughly 1/2 prices which will return approx 10/1.
If the bet wins I then split the winnings in 2 so that I can have to goes at the next level and so on.
I could still do with more cash but would rather spend a few evenings glancing at livescore.com than grinding DYM for f*%k all due to boredom.
It might fall flat but I'll post the bets before the relevent kick-off times and will back the full European/Worldwide coupons on WillHill.
I'll probably be back in love with Poker within a week but this just sounds easier to me. (Can't be though or we'd all be at it).
Just a question but how can that muppet Sepp Blatter say there is no need for goal line technology in a multi-million pound game like football when it is proving invaluable in tennis and cricket. Soooo far behind the times he probably still thinks we play with a pigs bladder. Obv I'm not bitter that Blues had a goal ruled out even though it was blatantly over the line against Pompey in the cup.
Oh well GL all.
A woman, pregnant with triplets, was caught in the crossfire at a bank robbery and shot 3 times in the stomach. The doctors decided it was too risky to operate and chose to leave the bullets in.
16 years later one of the girl triplets went crying to her Mum. She asked her what was wrong. "I was peeing and a bullet came out" so her Mom told her what had happened 16 years earlier.
A couple of days later the same thing happened to the other girl triplet so her Mom told her the story about the bank robbery.
The day after the boy triplet went crying to his Mother. "Let me guess" she said "You were peeing and a bullet came out".
"No" said the boy "I was having a wank and I think I shot the dog!!"
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Just been to the Doctors and he said I was paranoid . . . Well, he didn't actually say that but it's what the bastard was thinking!!
Saturday, 27 February 2010
I told my Son who is 10 that I'd get him a laptop before he went to Secondary school as their homework diaries are on-line and they can upload their homework nowadays apparently.
However being a selfish sort of Dad and having seen him eat spare ribs and a sticky cake while bumbling about on mine (that took me longer to calm down than any bad beat) I can't bring myself to give him a nice new shiny one so he's going to make do with mine which is only a year or so old and I'll have the nice new shiny one.
Only costing me £15 a month on top of what I was paying and a mate at work pays half at the moment when he's on shift so not too bad and besides can't afford to pay up front anyways while I'm helping to kit my older lads house out.
On to poker and I've only played a bit and am still level though I dropped $40 when I tried out Rush Poker but I still think it's a cracking idea and reckon I'll soon get it back if I play ultra tight.
If you were the one whose idea that was I hope you would get a proper bonus akin to the Banker arseholes and not the proverbial M&S voucher for your efforts.
Anyways off to the pub now for an afternoon of gambling on horses, football, poker, and whatever else is on the cards (Gotta have a blow out as I think I'm ready for one and feel ready to blow my top with shit at work and forking out left, right and centre for my lads house (At least that bit is appreciated)).
Good luck all and funnily enough to the Villa tomorrow as well (a complete one off and proves I need a beer).
Paddy weighs 20st so his Doctor puts him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, eat for 2 days, skip a day and so on for 2 weeks and you should lose 5lb."
When Paddy returned he shocked the Doctor by having lost 4st.
"Thats amazing!" says the Doc.
"I'll tell you be Jesus, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of the first week." says Paddy.
"What from hunger?" asks the Doc.
"No from all the fuckin skipping!!" replies Paddy
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Bankroll has stayed the same and have lost the £70 rake paid so effectively down but I go on BR. Finally got my funds from ClickandBuy (Titan middleman payout people) so will be starting on Betmost from 01/03/10 so will hopefully be profitable on there as I will have a start afresh frame of mind.
The only thing I've been profitable on this month is footie betting for just over £200 which isn't bad but that cash has gone on stuff for my Son's house along with another few hundred on top.
Noticed via Fenix's blog that he was offering shares so that he could play the majors last Sunday. Had never took a stake in anyone before but his Sharkscope stats looked spot on so I went for the minimum 1% and not only made a profit but enjoyed a night off (apart from 3 sng) but also watched for a couple of hours and I reckon I may have learnt a thing or 2 into the bargain.
One thing I did notice and I may have got completely the wrong end of the stick, is that even though these were higher than I've ever played people were still going all in Q-9 vs K-10 pre flop for example. This was not Fenix but others at the tables and there was nothing obvious like short stacks being forced to double up so could only put it down to there being fish at all levels. Having not watched bigger staked tournies before I suppose I didn't think it would happen or I've led a sheltered life at lower stakes and thought that the bigger the buy-in the play would be massively higher standard.
I'd certainly take a stake again though (winning first time out does that for you).
Good luck all and here's to a profitable March.
A man named Ralph appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St.Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Brecon Beacons in South Wales, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, yelling "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago!!".
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Anyways below are the usual questions that I ask myself on a regular basis and the answers in blue are the answers I would like to give and the answers in the brackets in red are the answers I have had to give the last few days.
So how did you play this evening? Like a God. Total "A" game. (Like a cock. Total fuckwit)
How's the bankroll looking? £100 up (£100 down)
Any reason for this? Brilliant reads (Brilliant reads by "them")
Did you Tilt? What me? Don't be daft. I'm totally okay with variance (What me? Of course I did. I thought if they can win with shyt so can I)
Are you still learning the intracacies of the game? I'm always learning. You can never know it all (I need to get back to basics as I'm going backwards)
What improvements could you make to your game? Keep maximising opportunity (Stop watching the tv, drinking and playing like a newbie)
Are the profits still happening? Of course (Not if I keep playing like a cnut)
Oh well back to the drawing board.
As a final point. If Pompey go into administration do Blues get a bye to the Semis of the FA Cup? Then we can play Palace , wait for them to go the same way and get straight to the final. Just a thought.
Good luck all
Paddy's struggling down the road with a wardrobe.
A friend says "Paddy, why don't you get Mick to help you?
Paddy replies "He's inside carrying the clothes!!?"
Saturday, 13 February 2010
A perfect scenario for us would be to avoid the Villa until the semi's or better still the final and then take our chances against our biggest rivals in the biggest game in years.
Some might say "Yeah but what if you lose your biggest game for an age against your rivals?"
But to be honest I'm a gambler and would rather take my chances on the best game in a long time in the World famous cup and a 4-2 win (Well I can dream can't I).
I'm nothing if not fair though and they can still have silverware as they are in the Carling Cup Final in March.
Could do with a home draw in the Quarter's and I'll take Pompey, Albion/Reading, or Fulham/Notts Co.
Thankyou very much. If Cloud can have a word with God next time they have a chat it would be appreciated.
On to poker and I'm playing shyt. A complete lack of concentration and it's only the rake that's giving me a profit.
Thankfully I've won a tad over £100 today on the footie to boost the roll (I love late goals. Cheers Millwall and Blues).
3 bodies turn up at the mortuary all with smiles on their faces. A cop asks the coroner "Why are they all smiling?"
The coroner explains "The 1st guy died of a heart attack shagging his Wife, hence his smile. The 2nd guy won the lottery, spent it on Whisky and died of alcohol poisoning, hence his smile. The 3rd guy however was unusual, Paddy from Belfast, struck by lightening!"
The cop asks "Why the fuck was he smiling?"
The coroner replies "Daft twat thought he was having his photo taken!!"
Good luck all
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
I know I have 2 obvious flaws whatever I do. I've never gone above 3 tabling and just need to do it (possibly on lower stakes sng's til I can handle it) and secondly concentration (I need to speak to the Mrs at least once a night and I keep watching the telly).
Anyways I'll sort it out eventually. Just thought I'd post my thoughts.
Hope your having more joy with it than I am atm.
Paddy was telling his mates about his skydive at the weekend. "The plane went up to 10,000 feet and the door opened. One by one they began to jump out until it was my turn. I couldn't do it. The instructor stepped up, pulled out his 12" cock and said "If you don't jump I'm going to stick this up your arse!!""
One of Paddy's mates asked "So did you jump?"
Paddy replied "Only when it first went in!!"
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Still awaiting cash from Titan. Have met their criteria but now bet and click are fucking about and have had to prove who I am to them as well. I think I know how the Pompey players feel now regarding wondering when they will get paid but the comments from my last post at least help out with knowing I will get it.
Bit of a comic hand last night when I had pocket 4’s and I’d hit trips but the turn gave quads and I didn’t notice (beer problem). Got 2 knocked out and a load of praise for slow playing for allowing the villains to hit their flushes before noticing. Of course I didn’t let on I just hadn’t realized. GG me lol.
As I’m purely playing DYM and am moving to Betmost I have taken £1k out of WillHill leaving me £300ish and will deposit £250 in Betmost so that should keep me going and I could do with the funds to help kit out my Son’s house.
Apart from that there’s not a lot going on so good luck at the tables.
A blokes watching the footie on the box and flicks through the channels at half time and finds a porn film with a man shagging a woman long and hard. He says to his Wife “I don’t know whether to watch this or the game”. His Wife says “For fucks sake watch this. You already know how to play football!!”
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
Saturday, 16 January 2010
On other fronts you may recall that my 16 year old Son has got his girlfriend in the family way and things are progressing well as she has sorted out a private 3 bed semi that the Social are paying for and he has got a number of contacts who are offering him bricklaying work even though he is only 5 months into his course. He has apparently already got a reputation for being a grafter and with a kiddie on the way they know he needs the cash.
No wonder Johnny Foreigner loves the UK so much though. I had no idea of the types or amounts of benefits you could get until I had a chat with him. Up to £600 towards your rent?? He is determined to pay his own way but its going to take time until he is in a position where he will be able to pay that himself.
On the poker front I have got Titan up to £225 and the DYM are going quite well but am going to move the cash over to Betmost Poker as Titan don't offer any rakeback of any sort so I am spewing up to $30 a night that I'll never see again. They are also on the i-poker network but thanks to Rubbish and Hellraiser who advised me, Betmost offer a "weekly sponsorship bonus" which is another word for something else but i-poker don't like it apparently.
Anyways if you are interested in earning what I consider to be a great "weekly sponsorship bonus" + decent VIP status and 3 freerolls (1k, 2k and 5k) a month you need to join RaiseTheRiver forum and email email@example.com to get it sorted for you.
This is not a sponsored part of the post I just thought I'd share the info.
Thats about it for now but when I move across to Betmost my table name will be KROBeauBrummie and I'll be there from the back end of next week.
Paddy's in jail with a big black fella. On the first night the fella takes his cock out and bashes it against the toilet bowl, the bowl breaks. He bashes it against the prison bars, the bars bend.
He says "Paddy, Now I'm going to shove this up your arse!!."
Paddy says "Thank fuck for that! I thought you were going to hit me with it."
Sunday, 10 January 2010
No this post is about Virgin media and their current inability to go a month without an outage affecting their tv/broadband or most recently both.
Appreciate the weather has been a bit moody recently but this has been on and off for the last 3 months and really pissed me off last night when I had was cruising in a couple of $20 DYM and at just before midnight everything just goes off.
Now imo if their is an outage you reboot a server for example and possibly look at it as a one off, if it happens again you do another reboot but do a route cause analysis to try to get to the bottom of the issue and if it happens a 3rd shoot the fucker that didn't sort of the root cause.
But no when you ring the customer unit notification team (cunt) the "advisor" just keeps licking the window and tells you he doesn't know what an outage is but thats whats happened and not to leave the company as you are on the VIP package which means you are getting a discount for the services (that you are not recieiving at the moment??!!)
So sod them I've rang Sky who can do me the same package (-ESPN) with BT line and their broadband for £15 less a month but with paying a few quid for installation with a few vouchers thrown in.
On the poker front my little challenge is up to £108 on Titan and £1200 on WillHill but will probably move a bit to Betmost on the i-poker network as I've heard of a deal offering decent rakeback if I can find a link to it.
Been sledging today with my lad. Great fun but I think I've broken my coccyx (tail bone) by smashing into small child. She was fine btw.
Paddy goes into Marks and Spencer to buy his Wife a maternity bra.
Shop assistant says "What bust Sir?
Paddy says "The fucking condom!!"
Good luck all.
Friday, 8 January 2010
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
fuktheriva 1,377 $2 $9 21% $2,139 Super Tilt 71 iPoker
So I opened another account on i-poker. Needed to set up an account on Titan to enter a Poker Player tourney so shoved £20 in and they doubled it. No rakeback but I've not enquired yet.
In short I'm going to play the same games I normally do but without any history to look at and use minimal BRM to see if I can spin up.
Playing $5 and $10 DYM until I reach £100 then $10 and $20 untill I get to £250 and then $20 and $30 if I get this far.
Challenge will probably go tits up before I get to the first hurdle but it gives me something to have a go at.
The Titan username is Bluenose200000
Blues have got Man U this weeknd and I can see our unbeaten run going west as I reckon Ferguson will have ripped them a new one after the Leeds performance so we might get the backlash. Will certainly be the best test of our defence and Joe Hart yet I would think.
A man farts in bed and says to his Wife "1-0"
Wife farts and says "1 all"
Man farts and says "2-1"
Wife farts and says "2-2"
Man farts, follows through and shits the bed.
Wife says "What the fuck was that?!!!"
Hubby replies "Half time. Swap sides!!"
Good luck all
Friday, 1 January 2010
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.
Rindercella worked very hard frubbing scloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
The sugly isters were right bugly astards.
One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks.
They were really forrible huckers.
They had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts wouldn’t let Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite whice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.
The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnight otherwise there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve.
"Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks and losing her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.
Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fassive mart.
“Who's fust jarted?” asked the prandsome hince.
“Blame that fugly ucker over there!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers.
This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.
The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!
Had this mailed to me yesterday and though I'd seen it before I thought I'd post it.
Only problem is I can't remember if I saw it on someones blog or an old email so if it was originally yours please accept my apologies.
Good end to the poker year with a £640 profit for December of which I took £500 out to sort out an easier Xmas so starting 2010 with a £1.2k bankroll.
A happy 2010 to all.