Saturday, 27 June 2009


OK I am throwing this question out because –

a) None of you know me personally and therefore have no preconceived ideas
b) None of my mates know I do a blog and are not that interested in poker anyways.
c) I hope to get an honest perspective
d) If anyone is just giving shit advice I would hope to have the nous to recognise it ( but you never know)
e) I’ve had a tot and it seems like a good idea

So the question is (and it is probably longwinded due to ale))

Would you finish a relationship even though it meant a slightly worse standard of living for your Wife and 10 year old ( particularly upsetting for the 10 year old due to the upheaval and upset in his life, he is absolutely paramount) and yourself if you were not happy?
I’m not on about just slightly aggrieved, more getting slowly ground down, more on a personal level rather than through your Wife’s fault or absolutely anything to do with your Son.
Selfish as it sounds I am a firm believer in “You only live once” and being 40+ years of age etc etc etc.
My lad is paramount in my thoughts but I know we will see each other ¾ times a week and he will be doted on and be given a level upbringing.
The thing is and this is a bit fooked up but I like my house and we have an apartment in Turkey so we would have to split the equity which would leave us with a few quid but am thinking of sacrificing all this for a “potential” happier existence.

TBH I have already left a couple of times only to miss my home comforts and Cameron and I know it is hurting Maggie as she loves me and it is killing her confidence for which I am not proud as she had it in abundance.

My lad knows there is something up and surely he deserves a contented upbringing even if there is grief in the (hopefully) short term or is it the case that you stay together for the sake of the kids.

By the way I’m on my second marriage and have 2 kids by the first and we get on like mates more than father/son but that can have its benefits as they tend to listen more than my mates kids do.

This sounds worse as I write it tbh but will put it out there anyways but may delete it tomorrow…

No joke with this post so apologies if you keep
up with the blog for that alone.


Rosie said...

Skint but happy single mother agrees you only live once. You can't spend your life in a relationships to make other people happy. And children do not ever need to feel like their parents are unhappy, whether they're in the home, or out of it.
However, you do have a child involved so you do really need to be sure. Going only to return again because you miss your 'home comforts' doesn't just affect your missus you know.
I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

havin_a_laff said...

Really risky for a neutral to give advice on something like this. I think making a marriage work is probably the biggest challenge we face. You say you are 'getting slowly ground down' but its not necessarily your wife's fault? So are there other things going on that are affecting your relationship? Can you try to fix them first? Is this a mid life crises (it does exisit!)?

I understand the 'only live once' attitude but if the whole of society chose this route there would be chaos. Kids are being screwed up left right and centre because of relationship breakdowns - precisely because people believe they have a right to do what's right for them. I understand that feeling - you think about all the things you could be doing and the opportunities you are missing and your life would be so much better if only...

Big problem men have is that when they are hacked off they don't know how to express their true feelings to their other half. So things fester and they get resentful and frustrated.

I haven't given you any advice m8 hopefully just food for thought. Hope you work it out.

phluKKe said...

I would stay there for the sake of your son . However , i lost my father when i was a teen and my wife ended our relationship when the kids were very young so i guess i am rather biased . regards . L4

Helraiser said...

Gav i don't know you on a personal level but have had many virtual conversations. In my experience its best to find some common ground and agree how you are going to move on. Yur better off at home IMHO

Gavin said...

Thanks for the replies all.
Everyone obviously has different experiences and I am not going to rush head first into making a snap call on this and making alot more effort on my part is something that I am going to have to do to give the marriage every possible chance and to make sure I don't fook things up on a whim.
The reason I put this on my blog was because I have advice from friends and family but that can be a little one sided and biased.
Anyways thanks again for your comments.

Ukgatsby said...

Pretty much what Rosie said
Biggest mistake most people make is staying together for the kids
They pick up on anomosity and tension and then when they get to 16-18 and forge their own lives what are you left with.

That said you need to think long and hard about what you want. Are you desperately unhappy. Are you looking at grass greener on the other side because if you do leave then there might be no going back and if you change your mind later you might regret it forever.

I do know of someone who was in a similar situation and it was accelorated because a good mate was newly divorced and it was all new dates, nights at pub etc.

Guy B thinks that could be me and left his wife n kids only to find out Guy A was making it up and truth was most nights alone in bedsit as other mates either hads families or were skint.

disclaimer - im shite at relationships and normally arse them up so any advice should be taken with a pinch of salt.

gl gl

Gavin said...

Cheers Paul - Good points made mate. Still a long way to go yet and not the whole story was put in post as it would have took an age. There are issues on both sides and we need to try to work through them first and see what happens.

Highstack said...

I've only just discovered this blog today! Loving some of the gags, I sometimes do similar the end of mine so I'll have to make sure I don't double em up. In fact you've helped me waste most of my afternoon at work :-) Nice read mate, will pop in agaain. How did this finish up? Still together?